Drop the Okay!

I have a favorite phrase that my two-year old uses in moments of distress, when she has decided to submit to the situation (like changing into pajammies):

"Okay, Mommy."

It is soooo precious, partly because she is usually still wailing loudly in what used to be frustration and disagreement. At some point during the trantrum, though, she changes her mind and chooses to go along with the "torture" (brushing her teeth, for instance).

Without changing her tone, she verbalizes her resolve to accept whatever punishment is being thrown her way (like reading a book before watching a movie) and she sobs it out, usually several times in a row:

"Okay, Mommy. Okay. {tearful deep sucking in of breath} Okay, Mo-o-ommy."

I can't help but give her a big hug and assure her that, indeed, it is Okay. I love that she has caved in because I don't handle stubbornness too well... but there's something else about the whole "Okay"-ness... It's given me a lot to think about.

I hear myself saying "Okay" often.... which may be where she learned it. I'm glad I've set a good example in that sense.

However, I'm not sure I always use it in the right context.

"We're going to get your pajammies on now, okay?"
"Let's go brush your teeth, okay?"
"You need to read a book BEFORE watching a movie, okay?"

What does my "Okay" mean, afterall?

Is there really a choice in the matter? Am I asking for cooperation? What if Miriam were more inclined to say, "No, Mom, that's NOT Okay," (as other children that I won't name), would I rescind the request? Change my plans to fit her lack of willingness to obey?

I've determined that I need to pay attention, close attention, to my "Okays" -- and use them more sparingly.

If my "Okay" means "Do you understand?" then I will replace it with, "Do you understand?" or simply cut my sentence off before I get to the Okay.

It's not an easy change, dropping the Okay. I've been working on it for awhile now, but as Miriam's sweet words of acceptance show me, I probably still do it a little too much!

Note to self: "Stop saying Okay all the time, Okay?!"