TUESDAY: Yes, we survived day one

NOTE: I wrote a week's worth of posts on Sunday, April 28, as though I could see into the future. Then I used the fancy-schmancy scheduling button so that they will post themselves through out Screen-Free Week cuz hey, I gotta commit to it in order to get my kids to commit! So you won't get a freshly-written post until next Monday, May 6, when I will report on how it went... if I can remember...


So, instead of watching TV or writing up blog posts or checking facebook, our family planned to do these things on Tuesday, April 30:

• Make paper-bag costumes and do a parade
• Invite our cousin over to teach us how to dance
• Go roller-skating
• Daddy takes TJ to the temple

I must confess that as we made these plans, I whined within myself: "Go roller skating??? That costs money and requires energy..."

I changed my attitude though, something I often require my children to do.  I learn so much from them. And hey, it's not like we do screen-free week very often! We can splurge for a good cause.

MONDAY: So Far So Good

Okay, so I'm writing these posts on Sunday, April 28, and scheduling them to post themselves starting April 29 and then you won't get a freshly-written until the following Monday, May 6, when I will report on how our Screen-Free Week went...

Betcha can't wait.

So, instead of watching TV or writing up blog posts or checking facebook, our family will spend today, Monday, April 29th doing these things:

• Family Reading Time (unfortunately, we've gotten sluggish about this habit, but we won't use previous failure as permission for future failure! Instead, we'll use Screen-Free Week as a chance to re-establish one of our favorite family traditions!)
• Writing Prompts (this is something that Truman enjoys at his school, Endeavor Hall, so he's bringing the fun, inspiring activity home to us so we can all find the joy in taking a word, sentence, or picture and making a story about it!)
• Board Game (it is vitally important to spell the word "Board" correctly so the kiddos don't think "Bored" -- got any on hand??? Monopoly should be in every home! Trivial Pursuit! Where's the old-fashioned Uno deck? Phase 10?) 

Stay tuned to find out what we've got planned for tomorrow... that is, IF we survived today...

SCREEN FREE WEEK Starts tomorrow...

Screen-free week starts tomorrow and I am GIDDY with excitement! Woo-hoo!

No TV, no movies, no computer, no computer games, no video games, no Wii, no iPod Touch... If it's got a screen, we're pretending it doesn't exist.

What are we going to DO with ourselves and all our screen-free time?!?!?

Well, today, the kiddos and I are going to plan it all out (so we don't end up twiddling our thumbs and thinking the week was a waste).

Since this here blogger dashboard has the option of scheduling posts, I'll write up what our plans are -- to inspire you, not to make you jealous, of course! -- and each day will pop up what I am doing INSTEAD of posting on the blog.

That means that if you comment, I won't know about it until May 6th... so please be patient!

In case you're wondering why in the world celebrating Screen-Free Week is something I'm looking forward to, see this post and this post.

I get it! I get it, fellow mamas -- I TOTALLY get why TV has taken the place on its pedestal in our society.

• It's a free babysitter, available at our beck and call (and then some...)
• While my children are busy watching TV, they don't make messes (how nice! -- although this means they also aren't learning how to clean up messes...) 
• They tend to get so absorbed that they don't fight with each other during the TV program (though, when they're done watching, I think they fight MORE than they would if they hadn't watched it at all... and again, they aren't being given opportunities to learn negotiation, compromise, forgiveness, and other positive relationship skills)
• PBS and similar educational programming make us feel good about letting them watch -- "It's like Preschool at Home" is one of the ditties I've heard the network claim... though, preschool is interactive, multi-sensory, creative, and offers opportunities to practice playing and getting along with peers...

Why would I give up the free babysitter, free preschool, and fight-and-mess-preventer? It's hard to explain. Do you ever feel like giving it up? Can you explain it?!

Help! I've Fallen and I Can't... Oh, wait, yes, I can get up!

They say that it takes 21 days to create a good habit. My 37 years worth of goal-setting experience says that's about right...

My experience also says that it takes less than one day to fall out of that habit...

Kind of like climbing a tree. Carefully choosing which limb to grasp onto and then using my muscles to pull myself up onto it can be a time-consuming, arduous process -- but falling down from the tree can happen pretty much instantaneously with no effort at all on my part.  AAAACCCKKKK!!!!

I was doin' pretty good goin' along and bloggin' consistently. Then I missed a day... but (like the title of today's post indicates...) I WILL NOT LET MYSELF REMAIN DEFEATED!

So, I blogged the following day.

THEN I MISSED AGAIN!!!

Makes me think of that song "I get knocked down, but I get up again! You can never ever keep me down!" Wanna see a fun rendition of it from when an a capella group got voted off The Sing Off?

Thanks for allowing me to pep-talk myself. Feel free to take my pats on the back for yourself if you need it!

It gives me great comfort to know that God put us on the earth knowing that we would be imperfect, and that's the reason He sent His Son. He had it all planned out from the beginning! What a blessing!

T.V. and the Bubonic Plague

Have you ever wondered what life was like during the time of the Bubonic Plague? Wikipedia wasn't real specific on how many people died of the plague -- they guesstimated at 30-60 percent of the population, around 25 million souls. WHOA!!!

Carnage, corpses, fear surrounding you...

I wonder specifically what it was like as a mother...

What were the Moms of that era doing to protect their families?

I've heard that the nursery rhyme "Ring around the Rosies, Pocketful of Posies" originated during this time, based on the belief that breathing through a bouquet was somehow preventive.

I imagine a young boy, 10 or 11 years old, leaving the house -- probably to go play with the rats in the sewer or some boy-type activity -- and his mom saying, "Take the flowers with you, honey and keep them right by your nose."

"Mo-om, flowers are for girls!"

"Son, I don't want you bringing that nasty plague back to our house. It kills every other person in a particularly black-and-crusty way. Remember our neighbors' dead bodies out by the road for pick-up? Really, it's not good for the funeral complexion. Take the flowers."

When did they figure out that the rats -- well, the fleas on the rats -- were the problem? Were there some Moms who sensed it before the rest and did a better job of keeping the rats away? Here's another imaginary conversation:

Mom: Sweetheart, grab a broom and chase that rat out of the house.

Daughter: Ooohh, but Mom, it's so cute and cuddly. Can't we just keep it as a pet?!

Mom: I SAID GET THE BROOM AND WHACK THE HECK OUT OF THAT CREATURE!

So, nowadays, I'm a mom in the midst of the Screen-Time Plague. Is it really comparable, you ask?! Is this Clueless Mama really that clueless to think T.V. is as bad as the Bubonic Plague??

Well, as I prepare to participate in "Screen-Free Week," I've been reading all their materials and WHOA, NILLY it is, in fact, quite alarming what kinds of fleas are coming in on our electronic rats... and most of us are busy worrying about keeping pockets full of posies instead of whacking the real problem with our proverbial brooms.

C'mon, Mamas out there, let's beat this Plague!

Let's start by joining the Center for a Commercial-Free Childhood for Screen-Free Week next week (they provide a LOT of helpful material for those of us who have a hard time picturing what that means, even helping us know how to convince our kids to sign up).

Then let's make our kitchen's techno-free zones (or some other room of the house)...

Then let's assign one day per week to be Techno-Free day...

What other "brooms" can you think of?

Curses of Living in an Abundant Society

Aaaahhhh, America the Beautiful -- and the WEALTHY! Man, we're RICH here in America! We moan and groan about the prices of gasoline and groceries... but seriously?!? The poor among us live better than the kings of the middle ages.

I grew up "poor" as one of five children of a single mother whose ex-husband didn't pay child support. However, there was always a roof over my head and three meals a day and enough clothes that fit and ... well, let's just say, that although we were always well within the government's poverty guidelines, we still had more than just our needs met. I even owned a Cabbage Patch doll at the height of their popularity!

As a mom myself, with enough money but lots of people to spend it on, I'm often having to determine how to make our budget stretch. What's a need and what's a want? How can I teach my children to make those decisions wisely?

Living in an Abundant Society is a blessing... right?!

Well, yes!

I thank God every day in prayer for the wonderful blessings of our modern day luxuries and conveniences and never being in want.

But then again... no.

Sometimes, I get all philosophical -- it often happens when I'm getting all political -- and I realize that there are inherent Curses of Living in an Abundant Society, or COLAS since I love acronyms and I'm not too fond of carbonation. Tee hee.

So, see if you recognize this list:


Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Wrath
Envy - ingratitude
Pride

It's the Seven Deadly Sins!

Let's play a little game and see if we can find the connections between these vices and abundance. 

Lust: hmmmm, this may be a tough one to start with. How could being wealthy encourage lust? Well, in these modern days, we can work less and make more money than in our grandparents' era. Maybe since we have so much free time and expendable income, we can "afford" to spend time and money on pornography & prostitution... yes, those have been around since the beginning of time, but they are definitely getting more popular and accepted.

Gluttony: since getting a meal is as easy as driving up to the fast-food window and paying a minimal amount for a high-calorie, low-nutrition meal, we end up obese. This is embarrassing, but have you heard the statistic that two-thirds of American adults are more than 50 lbs overweight?! Ay-yi-yi.

Greed: maybe you've heard the younger generations being called things like The Me Generation and how they feel entitled to anything and everything. I'd consider that greed.

Sloth: meeting our survival needs so easily means that we can focus our efforts on other things -- or on nothing. Amidst our abundance, we can be lazy but we won't starve and we'll still have shelter even if we're idle. There is no built-in negative consequence to discourage laziness. Sadly, I think this lends to depression because people caught in the snare of slothfulness never feel the satisfaction of a job well-done. Plus, there's the old adage: "Idle hands are a devil's workshop." So, crime continues even amidst abundance. Finally, remember the Wall-E movie, where the humans were on a spaceship and didn't have to work at all and so their muscles hadn't developed and it was even hard for them to walk. Work builds muscle -- and not just physical muscle...

Wrath: this is another tough one. Why would having plenty lead to anger?! I'll take comments here. Might be connected to greed and envy...

Envy: I tie this one in with greed. Even though nearly everyone in America is richer than nearly everyone in third-world countries, the poor among us still envy those richer than them. I think it is a form of ingratitude, which leads to entitlement and overall dissatisfaction (which could lead to wrath!)

Pride: I'd venture to guess that some people don't even know Pride is a sin, let alone a deadly one. Since pride means we think we're better than others, we certainly aren't loving them as we love ourselves so we're breaking the golden rule. Pride has also been defined as enmity toward God -- whoa! How can abundance lead to pride?! I think the connection is as clear as a diamond!

Well, I'm going to finish this looooonnngg blog post now. Our family has money for our needs, wants, plus some to help others. What a blessing. My hope is that we'll enjoy the comforts our relative wealth brings and not suffer from too many of the sins it can bring along with it.

Rinse and Repeat

I've determined that approximately 99 percent of motherhood is repetition. Thank goodness we only have to go through labor once per child... but even that is just a series of repetitive contractions, getting longer, stronger, and closer together. Then once that baby is out, we start the rigamarole... feed him, clothe him, diaper him, bathe him, put him to sleep.

To be frank,  -- no, that's my father-in-law. He's such a good man, I can't put myself in his league.

So let's put it this way: to be blunt, I struggle with this repetition.

I want something new and different! Something exciting! Some change... some progress... some other activity than just the day-to-day duties.

Unfortunately, and rather ironically, in this Clueless Mama's pursuit away from the mundane, I have taken a long, long, long time to come to respect the built-in blessings of repetition. Being willing to repeat, repeat, repeat, and repeat yet again is the divine program -- and it has purposes that I'm just now coming to appreciate.

First off, these tasks that I have listed (feed, clothe, bathe, etc) are tasks I still do myself as a grown-up. So I should be really good at them, right?!

Well... my hips have red marks on them because my jeans are too tight... wouldn't that be an indication that I don't have the proper feeding down just yet?

Earlier today, I put a nice wool jacket in the give-away bin because it shrunk in the dryer... an indication that I don't quite have perfection in clothing, either.

And yesterday, I finally got a bath after approximately 52 hours since the last time... again, another illustration of how I, at age 37, am far from perfect.   

But I get to try again tomorrow!

I really think that is one of the beauties of the system of repetition. It's merciful, really, that even if I mess up today, those same challenges will lay ahead of me tomorrow, and I can embrace the opportunity to improve! Thank God! (and I'm saying that literally!) And the joy of progress comes through the willingness to repeat the same task but adding new and different elements to make it more exciting.

So nowadays, I'm much better at accepting the repetition as part of my matronly duties. I don't dread it quite like I used to, though I still tire of it now and again. I am coming to recognize and respect repetition as a foundational principle in finding happiness because I can build on it safely so the attempts to add fun won't flop.

Praise in Public, Punish in Private

I wanted to walk home from church today with my oldest son, so I spotted him in the church hallway and went to grab him. As I approached, I overheard the man who leads his youth group telling another boy of similar age, that he needed to follow my son's example. What a proud moment for a mommy!

As we walked home, I asked how that made him feel -- was he embarrassed to be singled out? He said, "Well, not in this case, since he was saying something good about me!"

That made me think of the counsel an experienced mother passed along to me once, several years ago.

Praise in Public, Punish in Private.

Being a Clueless Mama, I have always felt starved for such nuggets of wisdom. It's easier to memorize them than it is to live by them (kind of like how it's easier to chew Chicken Nuggets than it is to digest them!)

So this gave me a specific situation where my child could express to me how this is true for him...

I think there are a few reasons it is hard for me to live this principle (though I always keep practicing!)

For one, I don't always think of praise to give when we're in public. So, note to self: put conscious effort into complimenting my kiddos in front of their friends, even if there's not a specific circumstance that warrants it at that moment -- just share something positive in general!

Secondly, waiting until we are in private before pointing out the need to change behavior can sometimes seem anticlimactic. But maybe that's the point... It gives me a chance to cool down and not be talking out of temper, and removes the child's defensiveness to some degree, at least, simply because of the time lapse.

Of course, I reserve the right to judge situations individually, but I think that generally speaking this is great advice. I must say, following it keeps me honest in terms of the golden rule: I know I personally prefer being publicly praised and privately punished! So please keep that in mind if you're going to comment... :)

Full Slate

Whew! What a day! Busy, busy, busy. To get a feel for it, take a deep breath and read the next paragraph as fast as you can:

BIG Bless Our Home; Attend a Lecture by a Newspaper Columnist and Enjoy the Luncheon Afterwards; Get a Load of Rocks from a Neighbor and Put Them In Our Yard; Drive a few towns South and Watch daughters perform in their choir; Work on Rocks again; Attend Board Meeting for Handmaidens of Virtue Summit (I'm the Ball Coordinator -- Bippity- Boppity- Boo!) Go on a Date with my Main Man!

Honestly, though, I like days like this. I like having a specific thing to get done -- or seventy-two specific things, like today.

Sometimes, the day feels whirlwindy because of scheduled events that my various responsibilities put on my calendar for me.

Sometimes, though, the day goes by fast and feels full because I've made a conscious effort to make the most of each minute on my own, not based on outside obligations.

A related concept I learned once -- in a housecleaning class (yes, this Clueless Mama had to take a class on that) -- is the idea that I always wake up to a full slate! There is always something to do, to get done, to work on, to clean or de-clutter, or ....

That could be a rather discouraging thought, especially since I've never been real good at the day-in/day-out, consistent, repetitive types of things that can fill up the otherwise empty slate.

However, as I've decided to embrace the truth of it, I think it's actually liberating. Because the consistency keeps things cleaner/more organized/less overwhelming -- and therefore easier and faster -- then I can spend time doing tasks that I deem a little more fun than housecleaning.

I'd rather be busy than bored! And I firmly believe that if I'm bored, it means I'm being boring...

I've come to love To-Do Lists -- I love to attack them and cross off as many as I can and consider it a victory! Sometimes when the day is getting away from me, I write down whatever-it-is that's been using up my time just so I can cross it off and give myself credit!

There is Music in My Soul Today

When a child is whining at me, I sing at them.

When I feel like yelling at a child, I switch to my best opera voice and belt it out.

When two of my children are arguing with each other, I tell them they can continue, but only on key...

Songs help our family deal with stress. That is the magic of music!

Yes, it's silly. Yes, I embarrass myself and my children... often... Yet, it is all worth it when the youngest among us starts to carry her own tune and join in with our parenting parodies.

Most of the time, our songs are one-hit wonders, inspired by the momentary circumstances, performed brilliantly but once, then lost to the abyss where all sound waves go.

Sometimes, though, they stand the test of time -- particularly for the very repetitive things that happen several times a day.

Here are a couple of the songs we've made up:

On the way to the Diaper Changing Table:

A Clean Diaper Makes You Feel Fresh and New
A Clean Diaper Makes You (sniff sniff) Smell Better Too
A Clean Diaper
A Clean Diaper
A Clean Diaper for YOU! Woo-hoo!

While wiping a child's face and hands after their meal:


I Like to Be Clean (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I Like to Be Clean (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Wipe Me Off so I'm not dirty,
Wipe Me off, Cuz I Like to be Clean!

Books: they're not just for Bedtime!

My oldest child, when he was a toddler, was a bit afraid of books. He would be at Grama's house and she would offer to read to him.  He would get a look of horror on his face and defensively declare, "It's not bedtime!" 

This Clueless Mama had not yet figured out that reading to my children doesn't have to happen in the dark!!!

I'm proud to report that since then we have gradually increased the amount of reading in our home, and nowadays, I can confidently say that none of my children are afraid of books! When I declare Family Reading Time, all the kiddos are happy to come pile on the couch and read with me. I do voices and everything!

Sometimes, we read for a whole hour!

Sometimes, when it's time to stop reading because the rest of life has to happen, they whine.

That's really about the only time I am happy to hear a whine!

Honestly, I think this family habit is what has made my kiddos so stinkin' smart!!! (I'm not bragging or anything -- I'm well aware that every mom thinks their children are geniuses so just keep my comments in perspective).

Lately, when my three-year old is going about his business, making messes and what-not, and something doesn't quite go as he was picturing, and he ends up yelling and maybe even hitting -- some sort of behavior that gets him put in his room -- he'll ask for a book to help him calm down.

I think that's good policy! I'm glad he thinks of books as a support system, a relief technique, a cooling-off tool.

So, I've developed a new theme, short and sweet, to add to my repertoire of safe ways to deal with children:

When in doubt, READ!

72 Hour Kits

In honor of the Great Utah ShakeOut, to be held today at 10:15a.m., I am posting our family's gourmet menu for when we eat out of our 72-hour kits.

Some people might simplify the whole 72-hour kit thang by buying pre-packed backpacks full of MREs. I've never eaten an MRE myself, but I've heard horror stories...

Since I use food not just for nourishment, but also for comfort, and the time in which using a 72-hour-kit would likely be a time I need comfort, I have decided to pack it with food that serves both purposes.

While my system ain't simple, per se, it is functional in another way.  Because the food is perishable, it requires us to unpack and re-pack every six months (or so) which gives us a prime opportunity to review all the contents of the kits (not just the food) and have low-pressure discussions as to why each item is included and how it is used.

So here goes the list:

BEVERAGES:
Bottled water
bags of hard candy (to suck on to trick the mind about thirst)
juice boxes
boxed milk

PROTEINS:
tuna/chicken salad -- in little cans, boxed with crackers, from the dollar store
trail mix
nutter butters
beef jerky (this is unreasonably chewy so we only include it in Daddy's!)
vienna sausages
pudding
cashews

FRUITS:
apple sauce
raisins
 
GRAINS:
crackers
granola bars
cheddar cheese dip
sandwich cookies
pop-tarts
bottled water

I think I have it figured out

Yesterday, I wrote about having beans in my fudge... Today, I'll report two things: I've been eating plenty of bean-y fudge and there are no gaseous side effects so far! That's a very important conclusion of the bean-fudge experiment to report.

The second thing is that I've thought about how fudge-with-beans can be analogous to life... are you ready? Put on your philosophical thinking caps and let's get lost in the metaphor together!

Life is sweet!! Sometimes sickeningly sweet (like fudge). Especially our 21st Century lives... we have so many modern conveniences, time-saving devices, and entertainment options out the wazoo.

When we hear about life even just one century ago, we moan and groan thinking about all the work those poor people had to do. Work, after all, is a four-letter word!

I submit, however, that work is like the beans in my fudge... Hey, bean is four-letter word, too!

Amidst all the sweetness of life, having something full of fiber and other vitamins and minerals and protein to balance it out is really, really important.

Admittedly, there is still approximately four times as much sugar as there are beans, which would, in my opinion, mirror the current ratio of play-to-work. Back in our grandparents' day, it was mostly beans and maybe a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down...

Sometimes, I worry about our work-avoidance culture. I notice how close the word Carefree is to the word Careless.

Yes, I personally would have a really hard time cutting out all the "sugar" in my lifestyle diet and going to straight beans. Yet, I'm glad that I still include *some* beans amidst the fudge so that if that would ever have to happen it wouldn't be a total shock to my system!

I want to raise my children with both beans and sweetness. I hope they think they're lucky that their mom tries to disguise the beans by smothering them in cocoa and sugar, making a medley of the two starkly contrasting elements of life.

And I hope it doesn't give them any intestinal discomfort!

There are Beans in my Fudge!!!

There are beans in my fudge.

Black beans.

In my fudge.

Ya can't taste 'em. The fudge is still quite fudge-y -- *plenty* of sugar... and the kids love it. I was even honest with them about the beans and they didn't seem worried at all.

I'm sure there is some great metaphor waiting to be discovered here. However, it is too late at night and I woke up too early this morning and my brain is not functioning in its normal love-the-metaphorical kind of way.

So I'm going to go to bed, and maybe tomorrow I will be able to wax more poetic or philosophic or whatever about the beans in my fudge.

In the meantime, if you want the recipe, here it is (I tweaked the one I saw on Simply Living Smart):

1 Can of Black Beans -- about 1 and 1/4 cups -- drained and rinsed
3/4 Cup cocoa -- rounded
3/4 Cup butter and/or coconut oil, warm enough to be mostly liquid
4 Cups powdered sugar -- scant
2 Tbsps Vanilla OR 6-8 drops peppermint essential oil OR 3 Tbsp. peanut butter

Blend in food processor or blender until smooth & creamy! Pour onto waxed paper and refrigerate at least 20 minutes before serving. Keep leftovers in the fridge -- if there are any!

Sweet Sleep

I'm scheduled to go to bed about now. I love sleep! I try really hard to get to bed at a regular time, wake up at a regular time, and sleep about 8 hours in between. BUT... right now, I share my bed with my baby. This is bittersweet -- mostly sweet because the inevitable interruptions are easier to handle, but bitter because I wonder sometimes if there are more interruptions since she knows I'm easy-access....

Dr. Sears is who first introduced me to bedsharing, co-sleeping, or whatever other term means having my baby sleep in my same bed. I don't even own a crib because back when I did, it just held random items and never a baby.

I really, really, really adore having my babies sleep with me, and I thank my husband regularly that he condones this rather unusual practice. I think he likes it too - having a precious little warm body, breathing right along with us...

Anyways, besides the cozy-comfy-preciousness of it, there is the ease as well as the happiness of not playing the cry-it-out game. I have a book called "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley that I would recommend for co-sleepers as well as crib-sleepers because the author recognizes that some of us just don't want to make sleep-time cry-time.

Babies cry. They cry for all sorts of reasons. I figure my job is to try to figure out why they're crying, and then do what I can to resolve the problem or at least offer a little comfort. They might still cry, even when I'm doin' my darndest to make it stop. Sometimes, I notice that I'm singing to them not for their sake, but for my own sake! (It only just now occurred to me that possibly my singing makes them cry worse). Amidst the various and sundry cry-fests, I don't want to purposely add another cry-time at bedtime!

So, as instructed by Elizabeth Pantley in the forementioned book, baby and I follow a solid routine at bedtime. I have it posted in our bedroom to help myself remember the steps *in order* -- since babies are so tuned in to structure. We've been doing the same routine since she was born, so all of the elements are now sleep-signals to her, and they help her wind-down and get sleepier and sleepier so she can drift... off... to... sleeeee... honk,shoooo...

Here they are!

Change diaper
close door & turn off light
turn on white-noise
wrap in blankie; offer lovey-doll
dance together while singing
shhhh in her ear while I put her down
keep shushing as I leave the room

Law of Conservation of Goodness

So here's a throwback to those high school physics days: remember the Law of Conservation? No? Well, I wouldn't either except that I needed to format my thoughts somehow, so I looked it up...

Here's a little reminder: basically, as applying to the amount of matter or energy, regardless of what's going on in the equation or the experiment, even if you see remarkable changes, when it comes down to it, nothing is created and nothing is destroyed. Everything stays at a constant amount.

Imagine a glass of milk and chocolate syrup. Mix those together: something has definitely changed, but the amount of total liquid is still the same as before. Drink the milk: the cup appears to be empty. However, the liquid still exists -- it didn't disappear into thin air, right?! It just changed places. Nothing was created, nothing was destroyed. Amount-wise, it all stayed the same regardless of the color change or place change.

Well, unfortunately, I tend to notice a Law of Conservation of Goodness in my life as a mother. I have several areas of my life in which I strive for improvement: getting the laundry done! being patient and calm with my children! exposing my children to good music! including the Lord in my day-to-day life! making nourishing meals! getting some girlfriend time! getting some one-on-one time with each of my kids! lovin' my husband! cleaning out the car! and the list goes on and on and on and on.

So I set goals. Sometimes. And I work towards improvement. But it seems like when I get good at one thing, I get worse at another thing. Dangit! That's what I mean about the Law of Conservation of Goodness -- that it appears I can neither create nor destroy the total amount of goodness in my life. It is at a constant and just changes form, changes color, changes places, changes which goal it applies to.

However, in all honesty, I've determined that this is a FALSE law. Oh, it might apply to physics and thermodynamics. But as I am getting old enough now to have a little hindsight, I know that in my attempts to get better, even though it looked like it meant getting worse in some neglected area, little by little, I am definitely better off than if I hadn't ever made the attempts.

Handbones connected to brain bones....

The nice thing about blessing our home versus doing chores is that I can teach my sweet kiddos to do PREVENTIVE blessings...

The situation we are currently working on (and have been working on for months) is when they come home from school... They're so happy and relieved to be home, and of course, they need their hands free so they can hug me! So they drop their coat and backpack on the floor right in front of the door. Then they go about getting a snack or whatever and the coat and backpack remain there, ready to trip the next person who comes in.

I've decided that their brains need to be connected to their hands, so that when their hands are ready to let go of any given object, their brains say, "Wait! Don't just let it drop to the floor! Put it where it belongs!!!"

They really are very smart children, and their brains really do know where things belong. However, their brains just aren't aware of what's happening down at the end of the arms.

So that's when we put hands on heads and say in the spirit of that old folk song, "Brain bones connected to the hand bones!"

Simplifying Mealtime

Ya know, I wouldn't mind feeding my kids if they would just stay full. But no matter how much love I put into a meal, how much effort or energy or planning... they're hungry again in just a few hours.

I tend to get overwhelmed with redundant tasks. It feels like they're never done! Laundry is like that for me, too, but today's post is about what we put IN our bodies, not what we wear ON them.

Over the 13 or so years that I've been studying motherhood (hey, if that were a college program, I'd have a doctorate by now!) I've determined that mealtime doesn't have to be as complex as we Americans make it. And so I've been working to simplify it -- and whew, that has been relieving some of my angst!

I have reduced meal-planning to simply making sure that three elements are included in each meal: a protein, a grain, and a fruit or veggie.

I have removed some of my pressure by teaching these elements to my kids, and having them do a mental checklist as they feed themselves or pack their school lunches. They do a pretty good job, though one of them thought a potato must be a protein since it has so many of the same letters in the name.

© Norgen | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Oh, how I'd love to have a week's worth of meals already listed on the fridge, but that's a battle I have only won periodically. Instead, I strive to know by 10am what we'll have for dinner that night -- and that has been a victorious plan for me! One way I thin-out the myriad possibilities is by assigning a theme to each night and find a recipe that fits the genre. International night! Pasta night! Chicken night! Beans & rice night! Potatoes night! Seafood night! Leftovers night!

Breakfast follows a pattern of alliteration (sort of). Mondays: Macaroni. Tuesdays: Toast and Eggs. Wednesdays: Waffles. Thursdays: Oatmeal. Fridays: French Toast. Saturdays: Leftovers. Sundays: Cereal.

And we like to eat LeSSSS for lunch -- Leftovers, Soup, Salad, Sandwiches, or Smoothies.

I don't *really* want my kiddos to stop eating. I know it might keep my kitchen cleaner, but I'm a big believer that kids with full tummies behave better and are healthier in other ways, too. So, these simplified systems help me feel successful amidst the constant struggle of developing their eating habits.

Happy Bed Times

Aahhhh, bedtime!

We all look forward to it, don't we?

At least, we look forward to the time when those energetic little ones finally rest, so we can too.

Luckily, I've been blessed to get to look forward to the actual getting-ready-for-bed rigamarole also! For some reason, it isn't a huge struggle in our family... in fact, it's a lovely bonding time!

I guess I'm making it sound like the "some reason" is unbeknownst to me and we've just had this fate befall us.

To tell the truth, though, I do know the reason. It's called: Daddy!

I still remember the conversation I was having in college with an attractive member of the male species. He mentioned that he planned to take the advice of one of his professors who suggested a secret to success in marriage and parenthood:

Daddy does bedtime. 

I decided to marry said male right then and there!

Mommy is so worn out from making decisions and refereeing and cleaning up messes and her patience has worn thin and she just wants to go to bed herself, not try to convince and connive and coerce.

Daddy hasn't yet gotten to spend quality time with his offspring and he brings a different kind of energy to the experience. The kids are excited to get to spend time with him, even if it means they end up asleep -- at least they're dreaming sweet dreams.

We post a list of things bedtime includes so the kids can keep Daddy focused. Tee hee! And of course the kids manage to convince Daddy to read several books... using voices and all.

Sometimes Daddy falls asleep too!

All-in-all, from the time Daddy sends them off to put on pajamas to when their eyelids are finally closed for the night, it's a good hour of his time, but he doesn't seem to mind. He's had a chance to reconnect with these precious children of his, chatting as they ask questions about the stories.

And Mommy has been relaxing (recovering?) in the other room... So when Dad comes to do bedtime with her, they reconnect successfully in their own special way!

Great Eight!

About a year ago, I attended the funeral of a wonderful grandmotherly woman I knew from church. I had heard her tell stories about how fourteen of her grandchildren were all from just one of her children! I spelled that out for you so you wouldn't think it was a typo. Fourteen! All born of the same mother, no multiple births. WOW!

At one point, I had to take my baby out to the cry room. A young mother was sharing the room with me and I sparked up a conversation with her only to discover that she was the granddaughter of the deceased! I asked which of the children was her parent. Turns out she was of the famed-family-of-fourteen...

Now you're going to think I'm crazy -- but I'm not, I'm just Clueless and don't wanna be... But I decided to ask this young woman to come to my house and share with me the secrets of her mother. I was particularly interested to hear things from the perspective of the child because I feel like what "stuck" in the child's memories and habits would indicate what worked best!

She was so gracious and gave me her phone number and email address. I thought of interview questions and sent them to her in advance so she could ponder on them and confer with her mother if she wanted to. I didn't want to put her on the spot at all, and I was sure to let her know if she didn't want to answer certain questions, by all means, just plead the fifth!

She came over with her little one (she only has one so far!) and we sat and chatted and ate and laughed -- and I took notes!

A lot came of that conversation. One thing I'd like to share with you is "The Big Five." Basically, it's a list of morning-must-dos... Our family wanted to add in a couple specifics to help the morning go smoothly based on our needs, so we ended up with...

Drumroll, please....

The Great Eight!

1. Tidy Bed and Bedroom
2. Bathroom Business (shower, potty, etc)
3. Fresh Clothes
4. Neat Hair
5. Personal Gospel Study
6. Act of Service
7. Family Devotional
8. Breakfast

 We have this posted on the fridge with a dry-erase check-off chart for each person's name. It helps keep them moving with focus and direction so we don't end up with zombies moaning aimlessly around. I'm hoping it will ingrain good habits in them so that as they grow up and outgrow charts, they'll get their mornings off to a good start simply by rote.

Thanks so much to Katie Oaks for being willing to honor her mother by sharing such inspirational things with a stranger!

The Wretched Stone

My second oldest child is an up-and-coming author (guess where he gets that from?). At age ten, he already knows the importance of networking and has established an email relationship with a published author/illustrator. Awesome! I can tell what a thrill it is for him, and I'd like to thank Adam Rex for remembering the little people!

An author that I'd like to meet someday is Chris Van Allsburg. I hope my son grows up to write books like his... a little mysterious, a lot meaningful!

The one I'm going to highlight today is called The Wretched Stone. It illustrates so well why I'm uneasy with the techonological invasion... it's taking an entire generation of lovely people and threatening to turn them into monkeys!

As a Clueless Mama, I'm not really sure how to handle it. Yes, generally speaking, I feel empowered to make rules in our household, like "No food outside of the kitchen" or "No playing with doors" but for some reason, when it comes to technology, I don't feel like I've found the right balance yet.

I happen to be typing this blog post on the laptop that the forementioned son owns -- he saved up his own money to buy it. Luckily, he is willing to let me be the sole password holder so he can't get on without my knowing. That gives me a little power -- but honestly, what I really want is for him to simply learn how to weild his own power.

In the past, "Screen Time" as we call it -- so it encompasses television watching, playing on the iPod, as well as computer/video gaming -- was a privilege the child had to earn. However, I struggle with this system because I feel like I'm rewarding them with something that has (in my estimation) little-to-no value. So I'm sending the message that it *has* value by making them earn it and calling it a reward.

Right now, our family is trying out a different system. We have assigned the hour before dinner to be the only time they are allowed to use the various wretched stones. Oh, they still have to have their homework done and be done "blessing our home" (that's what we call chores -- see this post for more insight). So, in that sense, we're teaching them prioritization. However, we no longer consider Screen Time a privilege -- we call it Techno-Mush-Brain Hour and simply allow it to be a form of relaxation.

© Werg | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

So far, I think it's working pretty well. It helps them hurry to finish their homework and get the house blessed so that doesn't drag out all evening. It also means that the rest of the evening after dinner, they know to just find something else to do -- and it's a beautiful thing to see how they get creative with their free time -- like writing novels! The very title of the screen time is a reminder to them that they must learn to set limits and guard against letting their brains turn into oatmeal...

What do you do in your home to control screen time, fellow mamas? This Clueless Mama needs more ideas for when this system needs tweaking...

The smartest thing came out of my mouth!

As a Clueless Mama, I sometimes surprise myself with how smart I can be!

One day, my oldest child came to me, telling me he was tired of getting reprimanded. Now, he's a good kid with a great sense of humor. He has excellent work ethic and is very thorough when he Blesses Our Home (that's code for doing chores -- see this post for more details).

This particular day, he hadn't yet done his chores... and I agreed with him that I had been getting on him quite a bit for how he was treating his siblings.

This is my 12 year old (when he was 10) mirroring me... uh-oh...

I don't like being the one to point out everything my child is doing wrong. Part of me felt bad for having made him feel bad. I took a deep breath and hugged him and suggested we talk about it... Something I love about him is his willingness to chat. Listening well is one of his talents!

We started discussing what kinds of actions were getting him into trouble. As the chat went on, it became clear that he had been too busy bugging his brothers and sisters to get around to blessing our home.

I just about felt like patting myself on the back when I decided to take what we were learning and phrase it more positively:

If you're busy doing the things you're supposed to be doing, you won't have time to get in trouble!

I can think of all sorts of ways this applies to life! Not just the life of a sweet 12 year old who is feeling worn down, but to all of us who struggle with guilt. I'm sometimes so aware of my own imperfections -- as if I've been reprimanding myself all day -- that it takes away my energy to accomplish the good stuff. 

So I'm going to start taking my own advice. I'm going to be so busy with the good stuff that what gets cut out of my time-limited day will be the bad stuff. I won't have time to scowl at my kids because I'm too busy hugging them!

A New Way to Post (for Me!)

Well, today I am taking my blog to a new level!  I am actually going to use the HTML part of the blogger dashboard so that I can include a WIDGET.  This will be exciting! Stay with me here and see if it works...

I've never claimed to be particularly genius in anything (which is why I call my blog the Clueless Mama), let alone technology. So forgive me if the WIDGET doesn't do what it is supposed to do. I'll give you a quick summary of what you are supposed to see so that you'll be able to know if I've accomplished my task.

You see, I am blessed to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life -- in its fullness!! It's thrilling to KNOW that God (aka our Heavenly Father) lives and loves us and has a Plan of Salvation for us, on a personal scale as well as universally.

How can someone KNOW that God lives?! Especially if Science has been working hard to grind faith into dust?

Well, for one thing, I pray. I feel His love as He listens and answers through the Holy Spirit -- a wonderful warmth in my heart.

Secondly, I read scripture. Yes, the Bible. And also the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Jesus Christ. I'm a Mormon! I know the doctrine is true, I live it, and I love it!

Are you curious about Mormons? Well, I just gave a clue as to why we're called Mormons (that additional book of scripture) but really the name of the church is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We have a living prophet -- yeah, PROPHET, like those that wrote the Bible! His name is Thomas S. Monson! There is a Quorum of Twelve Apostles (just like Christ himself had Twelve Apostles during his mortal ministry). And this weekend, they are all speaking for our General Conference.

You can watch from the comfort of your own home and quench your own curiosity! (Although I'm also happy to answer any questions you might have -- feel free to email me personally at reganbarnes at hotmail!)

Now for the WIDGET... (if I can manage...)

Raising Children with an Eyebrow

I went to a funeral of a mother once, whose daughter was praising the mother's disciplinary methods. The quote that stuck out, largely because it's so pithy, is:

She Raised Us with her Eyebrow

Now, I have plentiful eyebrows. I have to pluck them so they don't grow into one big eyebrow. Here's a shot showing how they are naturally arched (don't hate me because I'm beautiful!)

In spite of my God-given eyebrows, I just do not feel like they give me any sort of edge when it comes to raising my children... in fact, I have to watch myself and make sure I'm not using them in a constant scowl.

Aha! Maybe that's a clue!

Maybe making sure *my* eyebrows are raised -- raised in delight, or in a welcome-home smile, or gratitude...

The more I think about it, the more I realize how important the raising of my eyebrows can be in contrast to raising my voice. Raising an eyebrow to show concern, like "Do you really want to continue making that mistake?" Raising an eyebrow of warning, "Try to think ahead about where your current actions may lead..."

I want to be like that mother. I never met her -- I was at her funeral to show support to her loved ones whom I loved. Thank goodness I was there to be inspired -- or raised shall we say?! -- by her eyebrows, too!

April Fools!

Today's post is dedicated to my maternal grandmother, may she rest in peace. She was the victim of some yucky April Fool's pranks by her older brother (like caramel-covered onions and chocolate-covered cotton balls) but she only did cute little April Fool's pranks, like telling us our cat (who was a male) had had kittens.

Since I *really* wanted to pull a good April Fool's day prank, I was li'l miss Smarty Pants and pulled it on April Fourth! Tee hee!

Okay, so in reality, I just hadn't planned in advance (one of my many faults is lack of foresight) but still didn't want to miss the opportunity. And, hey, I'm no slave to the calendar -- I can't be held back just because of the date! 

Wanna see? (I'm not worried about the lack of originality. These ideas are all over the internet. But they aren't any fun for my family if they stay out there in that worldwide web! I actually embrace the concept of being a copycat... not in a dishonest way, but in an imitation-is-the-best-compliment kind of way!)

"So, Mom, what's for dinner?" 

"Cake!"

 
But it was really meatloaf! Covered in mashed potatoes, with the writing done in ketchup. Yum!

Most memorable moment: when my three year old licked the "frosting" and said, "Yummm!" and, later, was half-way done with his portion of "cake," and said, quite flatly... "This is meat."


We also had mud pie for dessert... complete with worms...

Mid-worm

Did you have to include the worms, Mom?

Okay, so this is not a candid shot. This guy is my poser -- and he's good at it!

Lip-smackin' good!

Excuse me, but this tastes nothing like the mud pies I make in the backyard! And I can tell your worms are FAKES.

Eye of the Tiger Mommy

Remember that catchy tune from the Rocky movie, "Eye of the Tiger?" And then that book that came out that got so much attention, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother? We could do like Wheel of Fortune and mix the two together!

I confess, I haven't actually seen Rocky, nor have I read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother -- just a review here or there. The reason I bring it up is because I shall reveal here in this very blog post that *you* are lucky enough to be reading, one of the ways that I encourage my kids to be thorough in their chores (or, rather, in blessing our house).

I want my children to be thinking for themselves and not wait for me to point out all the ways the house is dirty. I think this is self-reflective, because for many years (as anyone close to me will be happy to tell you) I was unable to see messes. I simply was so absorbed in the present task (making more of a mess) that I didn't pay much attention or care whether or not a previous mess existed or needed to be cleaned.

So, hoping that my children will get a head-start in life and not have to be embarrassed into keeping a clean home, I had to 

• FIRST, figure out how to keep a clean home myself (remember, I'm clueless!), and 
• SECOND, figure out how to encourage and inspire and motivate and instill in my offspring the desire and knowledge to be tidy.

That said, I have noticed my cleanliness pendulum swings and sometimes we are not as tidy as other times. And that's okay. Really! I trust that there is an important purpose in allowing the kids to suffer from their messes sometimes so they'll be more able to appreciate when it is clean -- and perhaps slightly more interested in doing the cleaning... we can always hope!

After they've completed a job, they ask to have it inspected. Well, that's the order it is supposed to go in. Sometimes, though, when I go to do the inspection, I feel like I'm having to list off way too many clutter items or spots on the counter or mirror, or whatever. So, instead, when I ask if they've blessed the house, and they say yes, I say,

"Did you use your mommy eyes?"

They'll often go back and work again for a few minutes... and that's okay! They're learning how to *see* messes on their own and be their own little tigers! Roar!

Stealth Eating

Stealth Eating... if you were a kid, wouldn't this sound intriguing?!

Well, that's my goal... intrigue my kids into better behavior. I've tried nagging. Doesn't work.

So any guesses on what Stealth Eating might be?!

It's related to being a Mess Magician -- but aimed at a slightly older crowd. A crowd that now knows magic isn't about a wand or a wizard's hat. And yet the crowd is still young enough to be willing to use the Mary Poppins Mentality -- "Snap! The Job's a Game!"

My older batch of kiddos are able to help themselves in the kitchen. When their seemingly bottomless pits of tummies have the teensiest bit of space open up, they ask themselves, "Why wait for a meal? I can reach the graham crackers and milk by myself!"

Fellow mothers, have you ever cleaned up graham cracker crumbs soaked in milk that got spilled on the counter? If Elmer's Glue employees are reading this blog, here's a hint as to how you could improve your product...

So, children, (humming Mission Impossible theme song), your mission, and you need to accept it so Mom won't self-destruct, is to CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR SNACK! If you can reach the graham crackers and milk, you can also reach the sink and the washcloth!

Stealth Eating: Eating so that Mom can't tell you were ever in the kitchen! Yes, you CAN do it! Just like the Stealth Bombers that fly in the sky unnoticed! Like in this picture:

© Digikhmer | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

High Fives as a Reward

This June marks twenty years since I graduated from high school (although I still look 17 -- send me $9.95 and I'll tell you my secret!) All those years ago, I didn't realize how much I didn't know... especially about motherhood.

As time passed and I went to college and dated lots of boys, I realized that there might come a time when I would decide to marry one of them and start procreating... so I signed up for a child psychology class! Surely this would smartify this Clueless Mama in one fell swoop and TA-DA - I would raise The World's Most Perfect Children.

As I tried to play the "Please Your Professor" game to get a good grade, I memorized all his fascinating facts and listened intently to his anecdotes (backed up by studies, of course). He was strongly opinionated, biased towards his own published research which claimed that Rewards-and-Punishments is the only effective form of discipline. Children are like Pavlov's dogs! (Maybe a reflection of how well I studied is how I've made a similar simile in previous posts!)

Interestingly, I learned a lot about a wide variety of disciplinary philosophies because of this professor's rantings and ravings trying to tear down the other psychologists' perspectives.

Well, now that I'm a mom, I would like, with all due respect, to declare this professor's viewpoints as DUMB. Okay, dumb is a strong word against a university professor, so maybe I should say they were over-simplified, incomplete, and lacking integrity.

In whatever experiments he did to prove his points, he didn't stick it out for the long haul. As a mom, I'm with my children for their entire lives, and the Rewards-and-Punishments System only lasts about five minutes before these intelligent beings I call kids start to figure it out and use and abuse it to their advantage.

That's not to say I never use rewards or punishments. I use them a lot! But they are only one of the many tricks up my sleeve! Mwah-ha-ha-haaaa....

Oh, excuse my outburst... that's not really an *evil* laugh, but rather a maternally mischievous laugh.



I just want to suggest that high-fives are about all the reward a child really ever needs. Oh, and otter-pops for going pee all by themselves. Tee hee!

© Nejron | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Really, though, rather than keep a treasure chest of cheap little toys that children in China slaved over and that later become stifling clutter all over my house, I just offer that awesome kid with the good behavior a high-five. And he's happy, and I'm happy! It's also a better choice than offering candy to our over-sugared sweeties. And I'm not ashamed to mention another compelling fact: slippin' skin is free.

Slappin' palms speaks to a child inwardly as we connect outwardly. It's universally accepted as a positive, meaningful gesture that costs nothing but is highly valued, and not just by those under age five.

I think it's because of the joy they see on my face as I celebrate their victory, whatever it may be. That joy is infectious -- one of the few infections we moms want to spread.

Other similar rewards: a smile! a hug! a thumbs-up! a pat on the back! the "A-OK" sign! asking to capture the moment on the camera! offering to call Daddy (or Grama) and share the success! What about you, fellow mothers?