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Monday, October 29, 2012

Yes=Yes, No=No

As a Clueless Mama, I used to get all tense when one of my incredibly intelligent children would ask if they could spend some time on the computer or watching TV. Of course, I was tickled pink that they obeyed the rule to ASK for Screen Time... but I also wished that they wouldn't want to ask and that I'd never have to condone the mind-numbing behavior by giving permission. I suppose I envisioned them singing as they ran up a mountain wearing matching clothes made from curtains.  Unfortunately, despite their MENSA brain capacities, they're normal when it comes to this New Age way of relaxing, indoors in front of some sort of technological tool.
So they would ask, and I would...  Be the Mean Mom who never lets them do anything that their friends do? Or be the irresponsible mom who neglected their inner souls and didn't care if they did start drooling on the keyboard? Here I was, holding the Sword of Decision, worried that as I tried to Knight them into Wise Users of Time, I'd slip and cut their heads off.
Finally, I was introduced to the Yes=Yes Principle (which can also be referred to as the No=No Principle). It goes like this:
Screen Time is designated as a privilege that is earned proportionate to an amount of time spent on a Priority. When they ask for Screen Time (and again, I'm grateful my kids ASK instead of just taking), I ask about the priority.  If they answer Yes, then I answer Yes! Whew! Makes my job much easier and feels so non-arbitrary!
Here's a sample situation:
"Hey, Mom, can I play Wizards 101 for 20 minutes?"
"Hi, TJ, thanks for asking. Have you played Piano for 20 minutes today?"
"Yes..."
"Okay, then, Yes!!"
As these incredibly intelligent children learn the principle, it goes like this:
"Hey, Mom, I wanna watch the football game."
"Oh, well, are your chores done?"
"Uhhhh, hold on..."

"Hey, Mom, my chores are done!"
"Great! Then enjoy the football game!"
NOTE: No child was harmed in the making of this photograph.
Aaaahhh, it's such a relief for this Clueless Mama to hand the Sword of Decision back to the child! (Just be careful the angle you hand it...)