One of my three-year-old's favorite PBS shows is called Dinosaur Train. Funny little mixing of centuries, isn't it?? Well, yesterday I walked in right as the show was ending and was ready to turn it off when Dr. Scott the Paleontologist did the hard part for me. He announced that it was now time to turn off the TV, go outside, and "make your own discoveries!"
I borrowed a little of Dr. Scott's enthusiasm and repeated the same words as I flicked the off button. I braced myself for the usual whining -- "Just one more show!!!" but it didn't come...
Instead, sweet and smart 3 y.o. looked at me with excitement in his eyes and said, "Yeah! Let's go make our own discoveries!" and then as an afterthought, he said, "Mom, what's a discovery?"
I like words. I am an etymologist at heart. That doesn't always mean I'm able to explain off-the-cuff a word like discovery. And I was under pressure to preserve the thrill-factor!
Here's how I answered -- both in word and in action:
"Oh, Reed," I said with awe in my voice as I grabbed his hand -- btw, I love three-year-old hands, even though they are, generally speaking, grimy with discovery -- and together we walked to the back door. "Oh, Reed! Discovery is looking around with eyes wide open. Maybe you see things you have already seen and maybe you notice things brand new. Then... Then..."
I wanted to build the anticipation. We sat down to put on his shoes. "Then..."
"You think and you wonder and you asking questions and you want to know and learn and -- " (using my best mysterious voice) -- " you solve mysteries and expose secrets!"
"Wow, Mom!"
I couldn't have asked for a better verbal response... but his non-verbal response was even better.
He took hold of his baby sister's hand. He led her out the door and showed her a lady bug.
Happy day!
Friday, May 31, 2013
Thursday, May 30, 2013
The Energy Drink Fiasco that Wasn't
My 12-year old son reported to me yesterday, as he paced around the kitchen shaking his hands, that he had drunk half of an energy drink.
He didn't seem to be confessing, just making conversation and possibly offering an explanation for his frenetic movements.
I only had a split-second to decide how to react. I didn't want to scold and be judgemental and cause friction. Why not, you ask? Well, mainly because this child is my oldest -- my first soon-to-be teen-ager -- and I want to keep communication open right from the start. I want him to always feel like he can open up without fear of retribution... There's sort of an art of diplomacy as a parent of one-who-wants-to-make-his-own-decisions.
So instead, I simply asked for more info: "Oh, an energy drink, huh? I've heard they don't taste very good -- what did you think?" I was kind of hoping he would say that's why he only drank half...
"I thought it tasted good, but so did Josie and she drank the rest of it."
"Hmmm. How many hours ago was this? Have you experienced a crash yet?" Just using an even tone of voice. Not wanting to cause alarm. Not wanting him to get defensive... Keep the eyebrows even - no scowling...
"Um, I don't think so. See how I'm all jittery? I think it's still affecting me. It's making me want to keep moving. Crash would mean I'd go to sleep, right?"
"Well, son, I personally have never had an energy drink, so I don't exactly know. I've just seen commercials that claim one product is better than another because of a lesser-crash-factor."
"Oh, yeah, I've seen those commercials too." I could see something in his eyes start processing his own body and how being "under the influence" was affecting him. Self-awareness is so important in situations like this -- where he can draw his own conclusions and not feel undue pressure. I was hoping he would ask why I'd never tried it, but he didn't. I decided to just keep talking.
"Also, I think that's why energy drinks are considered addictive, because someone doesn't want to experience the coming down from being on a high, so they drink another one... and then another one... and then another one..." I felt like I was slipping in some good logic without coming across too harsh. Getting him to think things through, allowing some kindly insight to seep in from his ever-lovin' Mama.
I am Clueless, and he knows it. But he also knows that I love him and want the best for him. I hope he'll take all of this into account -- including the reasons that I choose to remain clueless when it comes to addictive substances. He already knows them. He'll connect the dots. I hope.
He didn't seem to be confessing, just making conversation and possibly offering an explanation for his frenetic movements.
I only had a split-second to decide how to react. I didn't want to scold and be judgemental and cause friction. Why not, you ask? Well, mainly because this child is my oldest -- my first soon-to-be teen-ager -- and I want to keep communication open right from the start. I want him to always feel like he can open up without fear of retribution... There's sort of an art of diplomacy as a parent of one-who-wants-to-make-his-own-decisions.
So instead, I simply asked for more info: "Oh, an energy drink, huh? I've heard they don't taste very good -- what did you think?" I was kind of hoping he would say that's why he only drank half...
"I thought it tasted good, but so did Josie and she drank the rest of it."
"Hmmm. How many hours ago was this? Have you experienced a crash yet?" Just using an even tone of voice. Not wanting to cause alarm. Not wanting him to get defensive... Keep the eyebrows even - no scowling...
"Um, I don't think so. See how I'm all jittery? I think it's still affecting me. It's making me want to keep moving. Crash would mean I'd go to sleep, right?"
"Well, son, I personally have never had an energy drink, so I don't exactly know. I've just seen commercials that claim one product is better than another because of a lesser-crash-factor."
"Oh, yeah, I've seen those commercials too." I could see something in his eyes start processing his own body and how being "under the influence" was affecting him. Self-awareness is so important in situations like this -- where he can draw his own conclusions and not feel undue pressure. I was hoping he would ask why I'd never tried it, but he didn't. I decided to just keep talking.
"Also, I think that's why energy drinks are considered addictive, because someone doesn't want to experience the coming down from being on a high, so they drink another one... and then another one... and then another one..." I felt like I was slipping in some good logic without coming across too harsh. Getting him to think things through, allowing some kindly insight to seep in from his ever-lovin' Mama.
I am Clueless, and he knows it. But he also knows that I love him and want the best for him. I hope he'll take all of this into account -- including the reasons that I choose to remain clueless when it comes to addictive substances. He already knows them. He'll connect the dots. I hope.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
How to Train Your Elephant
Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
I try to teach my children the power of doing nothing. Simply not reacting when their siblings are trying to push their buttons.
Unfortunately, most of the time it seems they only ignore ME.
I learned this trick at a zoo. Ha! A zoo?! Yup. It makes sense, though, really, that at the zoo, I would be alert to discovering how to make my own zoo run more efficiently, right? Only difference is, they're working with animals, and I'm working with children. And heck, if you believe in evolution, there is no difference! (For the record, I accept fossil-evidenced micro-evolution, and encompassing that, I worship God as an all-wise, loving Creator and Father).
Anyways, the zookeeper was showing us how the elephant would obey certain commands. At least, most of the time. Elephants, believe it or not, can be stubborn!
She said, "We just ignore it when the elephant doesn't cooperate. We don't punish. Just ignore. Then we repeat the command, in exactly the same tone. When the elephant does cooperate, we praise and reward."
Now, I don't want to over-simplify -- that can be faulty in and of itself -- so I won't go so far as to never punish my kiddos. However, I REALLY like the concept of ignoring.
There is power in simply acting as though the child didn't just scream NO at the top of his lungs at you. By my choosing not to react, it takes the power out of his tantrum. Does that mean he'll stop right away? Not likely. However, I do think the overall encounter will end far better -- and possibly sooner -- if I don't get sucked into the violent vortex of high emotion.
I will stay calm. I will keep my voice quiet. I will act as though the child has not responded and simply repeat my request. When the child chooses to cooperate, I will praise and reward (high fives are great -- link to that blog post) and sincerely thank them.
I don't think the elephant ever gets thanked. I added that part. Maybe I'm not so clueless after all!
I try to teach my children the power of doing nothing. Simply not reacting when their siblings are trying to push their buttons.
Unfortunately, most of the time it seems they only ignore ME.
I learned this trick at a zoo. Ha! A zoo?! Yup. It makes sense, though, really, that at the zoo, I would be alert to discovering how to make my own zoo run more efficiently, right? Only difference is, they're working with animals, and I'm working with children. And heck, if you believe in evolution, there is no difference! (For the record, I accept fossil-evidenced micro-evolution, and encompassing that, I worship God as an all-wise, loving Creator and Father).
Anyways, the zookeeper was showing us how the elephant would obey certain commands. At least, most of the time. Elephants, believe it or not, can be stubborn!
She said, "We just ignore it when the elephant doesn't cooperate. We don't punish. Just ignore. Then we repeat the command, in exactly the same tone. When the elephant does cooperate, we praise and reward."
Now, I don't want to over-simplify -- that can be faulty in and of itself -- so I won't go so far as to never punish my kiddos. However, I REALLY like the concept of ignoring.
There is power in simply acting as though the child didn't just scream NO at the top of his lungs at you. By my choosing not to react, it takes the power out of his tantrum. Does that mean he'll stop right away? Not likely. However, I do think the overall encounter will end far better -- and possibly sooner -- if I don't get sucked into the violent vortex of high emotion.
I will stay calm. I will keep my voice quiet. I will act as though the child has not responded and simply repeat my request. When the child chooses to cooperate, I will praise and reward (high fives are great -- link to that blog post) and sincerely thank them.
I don't think the elephant ever gets thanked. I added that part. Maybe I'm not so clueless after all!
Monday, May 27, 2013
Let There Be Peace on Earth
I love the song "Let There Be Peace on Earth." Bryan Stokes Mitchell sang it with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir yesterday as part of the Memorial Day Commemoration. Earlier that day, the topic of our lesson in our women's meeting at church was peace (link to Elder Cook's April 2013 conference talk).
I feel like my role as a mother is to promote peace on earth, starting in my own home, with my own children. Imagine how peace would have a much stronger presence if every mother took the necessary time to help her children learn how to be peaceful?
Deliberate motherhood requires time, which is why I am so grateful that the idea of full-time motherhood was presented to me and, for various reasons, I grasped onto that idea and have made an effort to make it my reality.
And I love it!
I don't love it because it's easy. Because it's NOT easy. Although I think it's easier than trying to balance motherhood with full-time otherhood. And I don't necessarily mean work outside the home. Work inside the home! Laziness inside the home! Distractions! Other things that pull me away from what I truly want to focus on -- and what I value intensely.
My three-year old saw his baby sister playing with his balloon. So what did he do? Well, of course, he grabbed it from her. Her ensuing shriek caught my attention and I went to see what was wrong.
"It's mine!" big brother explained.
"Yes, it is," I agreed. In my head, I was phrasing a "Why don't you share?" type of reprimand, complete with a scowl... luckily, I realized before I said it that I didn't really *want* him to think about why NOT to share. Instead, I want to encourage him to share... so I pulled him onto my lap and calmly responded:
"You are so good at sharing. How do you feel when you share? Remember when Gaby played with you and shared her ball? How did you feel when she shared with you? Will you share with Miriam, please? You can take turns! Pass the balloon back and forth!"
My sweet son responded so well to this encouragement and suggestion. He even got excited as he taught her to sit down and wait until the balloon bounced her way. Gently he encouraged her to send it back his direction. I was so proud of their peaceful play, I had to take a picture!
Due to technical difficulties on the blogger dashboard, I will have to add them later.
I feel like my role as a mother is to promote peace on earth, starting in my own home, with my own children. Imagine how peace would have a much stronger presence if every mother took the necessary time to help her children learn how to be peaceful?
Deliberate motherhood requires time, which is why I am so grateful that the idea of full-time motherhood was presented to me and, for various reasons, I grasped onto that idea and have made an effort to make it my reality.
And I love it!
I don't love it because it's easy. Because it's NOT easy. Although I think it's easier than trying to balance motherhood with full-time otherhood. And I don't necessarily mean work outside the home. Work inside the home! Laziness inside the home! Distractions! Other things that pull me away from what I truly want to focus on -- and what I value intensely.
My three-year old saw his baby sister playing with his balloon. So what did he do? Well, of course, he grabbed it from her. Her ensuing shriek caught my attention and I went to see what was wrong.
"It's mine!" big brother explained.
"Yes, it is," I agreed. In my head, I was phrasing a "Why don't you share?" type of reprimand, complete with a scowl... luckily, I realized before I said it that I didn't really *want* him to think about why NOT to share. Instead, I want to encourage him to share... so I pulled him onto my lap and calmly responded:
"You are so good at sharing. How do you feel when you share? Remember when Gaby played with you and shared her ball? How did you feel when she shared with you? Will you share with Miriam, please? You can take turns! Pass the balloon back and forth!"
My sweet son responded so well to this encouragement and suggestion. He even got excited as he taught her to sit down and wait until the balloon bounced her way. Gently he encouraged her to send it back his direction. I was so proud of their peaceful play, I had to take a picture!
Due to technical difficulties on the blogger dashboard, I will have to add them later.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Eight years ago today...
Eight years have passed since I was told by my midwife that we'd better make the twins come. I had aimed to make it to 37 weeks -- prime time for twins -- so psychologically, I must have allowed my body to give up as this day marked 37 weeks exactly. Over the past few appointments, my blood pressure started to rise and the midwife had found an increased amount of protein in the lovely pee samples I so willingly gave.
The next day, she arrived at my home, broke my waters, and three hours later I was holding two babies in my arms. The second girl had even decided she wanted her feet to be the first thing to arrive... All in all, it was a beautiful homebirth experience.
It took me several years to want to have another baby. My body was getting older, though, and I knew that if I was going to change my mind, the sooner the better because although it may seem that we can be baby machines forever, we really can't. I'm really glad I've had more babies. Yes, it complicates life a little... but it also simplifies life, in an odd twist. It makes me focus on what's really important!
Even now, with six kids and feeling sometimes like life is going full-speed and I'm not quite keeping up, I would add another one -- or two -- to this beautiful mix of a family. Two, because I like even numbers. And because I would take twins again. Really!
I have a phenomenal support system built up - my mom lives with me, my sister lives two miles away, I have two girls who live in my basement and exchange rent for 12 hours a week of helpin' me out. I would say this is ideal twin-mom situation. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go ask for pills or anything to make multiples happen...
I'm grateful for my twins, and I want them to know that. I hereby publicly declare my love for them! How fun that they got to come to our family together, as a matched set! They are a joy. Their eyes are so bright and their smiles are so sincere. I'm so blessed to be their mom!
The next day, she arrived at my home, broke my waters, and three hours later I was holding two babies in my arms. The second girl had even decided she wanted her feet to be the first thing to arrive... All in all, it was a beautiful homebirth experience.
It took me several years to want to have another baby. My body was getting older, though, and I knew that if I was going to change my mind, the sooner the better because although it may seem that we can be baby machines forever, we really can't. I'm really glad I've had more babies. Yes, it complicates life a little... but it also simplifies life, in an odd twist. It makes me focus on what's really important!
Even now, with six kids and feeling sometimes like life is going full-speed and I'm not quite keeping up, I would add another one -- or two -- to this beautiful mix of a family. Two, because I like even numbers. And because I would take twins again. Really!
I have a phenomenal support system built up - my mom lives with me, my sister lives two miles away, I have two girls who live in my basement and exchange rent for 12 hours a week of helpin' me out. I would say this is ideal twin-mom situation. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not going to go ask for pills or anything to make multiples happen...
I'm grateful for my twins, and I want them to know that. I hereby publicly declare my love for them! How fun that they got to come to our family together, as a matched set! They are a joy. Their eyes are so bright and their smiles are so sincere. I'm so blessed to be their mom!
Friday, May 24, 2013
CATASTROPHE!!!
So, I'm feeling kinda weepy right now.
Since my daughter spent several days in the hospital, I have been pinching pennies knowing that the hospital bills would be coming in. Every penny counts, right?!
Well, we just received some of the bills in the mail today... and I'm sure they're not the end of what we'll see. So far, we've been charged around $19,000. Pennies all of a sudden seem like a moot point.
I wasn't crying about that. I knew things would be expensive. I had geared up for that while she was still in the hospital!
However, something else we received was from our insurance, DMBA. That's what made me cry. The happy, grateful kind of cry...
Miriam's bout with pneumonia racked up so many bills, the insurance company has declared it a catastrophe, and after we've paid the initial $4,000 they will pay the rest. Wow.
We have savings, and that's where most of our $4000 will be coming from. Because of this "cap" on how much we'll end up paying, our savings won't be entirely wiped out -- which would have been another catastrophe. And we would have still owed more even then.
I'm so very, very grateful.
Of course, having a mind for metaphors as I do, this made me think of the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
He knows that no matter how much we have in savings, it wouldn't be enough to cover our debts... and he says, "This is a catastrophe."
He recognizes how sad it would be for us to not be able to return to live with him and our Father in Heaven.
So he says, "I'll pay it! The sinner only has to give themselves to me, and then I'll pay for their sins!"
I will give myself to the Lord, just like I'll pay my $4000, knowing that it's not really enough, but that it somehow is enough -- "somehow" seems like a random word, when really I know it's not random. It's infinite love. It's divine. It's part of God's great plan. His Plan of Happiness; his Plan of Salvation.
I'm so grateful! I need a tissue!
Since my daughter spent several days in the hospital, I have been pinching pennies knowing that the hospital bills would be coming in. Every penny counts, right?!
Well, we just received some of the bills in the mail today... and I'm sure they're not the end of what we'll see. So far, we've been charged around $19,000. Pennies all of a sudden seem like a moot point.
I wasn't crying about that. I knew things would be expensive. I had geared up for that while she was still in the hospital!
However, something else we received was from our insurance, DMBA. That's what made me cry. The happy, grateful kind of cry...
Miriam's bout with pneumonia racked up so many bills, the insurance company has declared it a catastrophe, and after we've paid the initial $4,000 they will pay the rest. Wow.
We have savings, and that's where most of our $4000 will be coming from. Because of this "cap" on how much we'll end up paying, our savings won't be entirely wiped out -- which would have been another catastrophe. And we would have still owed more even then.
I'm so very, very grateful.
Of course, having a mind for metaphors as I do, this made me think of the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ.
He knows that no matter how much we have in savings, it wouldn't be enough to cover our debts... and he says, "This is a catastrophe."
He recognizes how sad it would be for us to not be able to return to live with him and our Father in Heaven.
So he says, "I'll pay it! The sinner only has to give themselves to me, and then I'll pay for their sins!"
I will give myself to the Lord, just like I'll pay my $4000, knowing that it's not really enough, but that it somehow is enough -- "somehow" seems like a random word, when really I know it's not random. It's infinite love. It's divine. It's part of God's great plan. His Plan of Happiness; his Plan of Salvation.
I'm so grateful! I need a tissue!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Toy Rotation Idea
I have a very clever idea to share with you, though I confess that I've never done it myself. My sister is my inspiration on this one. She's my inspiration on lots of things! Lots!
She has five children and lots of toys. Lots.
She boxes up the toys in totes so the kids only have access to one tote-full at a time. Once those toys seem old, she boxes them up and allows them to play with a whole "new" set of toys -- which aren't really new, of course, but since she has six totes (and counting), it has been several months since the kids have seen them and they sure seem new!
This is so wise for so many reasons, the first of which is that "new-ness" element. Because of this, she feels little-to-no pressure to constantly be getting them new things. Even happy-meal toys don't call out to her and she gets by with just getting enough fries and nuggets for everyone to share and spending half the money.
Second, the children can't make a huge-mongous mess -- though they do make a mess... it's simply always a manageable mess.
Third, if she feels a need to remove a toy from the rotation -- ya know, a beloved-but-broken toy, or the kind of toy that is just too noisy or too violent or too dirt-encrusted -- she can do so without the children hardly even noticing because they forget about it by the time that tote's turn comes around.
She has even extended the idea further by hosting a toy-rotation party with other moms & kids, wherein they invite friends to bring toys that don't get played with at their house and they exchange them with each other's gently-used, no-longer-loved toys. One child's trash is another child's treasure! Once the offerings have been looked over and everyone has picked what they'd like to inherit, the remaining toys are donated to a charity.
Brilliant!
She has five children and lots of toys. Lots.
She boxes up the toys in totes so the kids only have access to one tote-full at a time. Once those toys seem old, she boxes them up and allows them to play with a whole "new" set of toys -- which aren't really new, of course, but since she has six totes (and counting), it has been several months since the kids have seen them and they sure seem new!
This is so wise for so many reasons, the first of which is that "new-ness" element. Because of this, she feels little-to-no pressure to constantly be getting them new things. Even happy-meal toys don't call out to her and she gets by with just getting enough fries and nuggets for everyone to share and spending half the money.
Second, the children can't make a huge-mongous mess -- though they do make a mess... it's simply always a manageable mess.
Third, if she feels a need to remove a toy from the rotation -- ya know, a beloved-but-broken toy, or the kind of toy that is just too noisy or too violent or too dirt-encrusted -- she can do so without the children hardly even noticing because they forget about it by the time that tote's turn comes around.
She has even extended the idea further by hosting a toy-rotation party with other moms & kids, wherein they invite friends to bring toys that don't get played with at their house and they exchange them with each other's gently-used, no-longer-loved toys. One child's trash is another child's treasure! Once the offerings have been looked over and everyone has picked what they'd like to inherit, the remaining toys are donated to a charity.
Brilliant!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Perspectives on Messes
I feel confident that I am not the only mama who gets frustrated with messes. Gimme an AMEN, sistas!
It seems that one of the side effects of having toddlers is a constant state of clutter strewn across the floor.
In order to not go crazy, I've had to learn how to put these messes in perspective.
These adorable children are not just making messes to make me a mental mess. They're learning how to play! And play is how they learn how to process life in general.
I love, love, love that a mess means my children haven't been mush-braining in front of the TV! Quite the opposite, really -- they've been playing and imagining and enjoying and thinking and creating and sharing and socializing and figuring life out.
I've noticed that my little kiddos feel so empowered picking something up and changing its location! So much of their little lives is under someone else's control that it must be a thrill to be able to control that little gadget of a toy.
I admit, they're fickle, these toddlers of mine, what with their short attention span. They go from one toy to the next with no regard as to where the last toy came from and certainly no concept for putting it back where it belongs before moving on to the next toy.
I heard of one mom, we'll call her Fannie (for Fanatical), who locked the toy cabinet. She would unlock it upon request, and the child could choose one toy and then she'd lock it back up. Again, when the child asked, she would open it and the child could trade toys. I'm sure her home was one of the few that stayed clean. And I'm almost as sure that her child was well-trained in OCD tendencies.
Well, I'm not going to judge her. To each her own -- I'm sure she was handling the stress of cleanliness in the best way she could think of. But for myself, I'm not interested in keeping track of the key and having to stop what I'm doing to open and close the cabinet as often as the child would want.
And quite honestly, when I have the opportunity to watch my children play, I can see that part of the joy for them is going from one toy to the next as their minds get sparked by the view of the different toy. Their imaginations get working, er, I mean, playing and just from seeing something else, they're inspired and instantaneously, they're ready to play a whole new game.
Plus, I think that children can learn a lot from seeing a very messy space, working on it step-by-step, and then seeing that same area all nice and clean because of their work. I know for myself it is a very gratifying process! Sometimes that is all that motivates me to start digging in -- knowing that I will be a force for good, making the world a better place.
So, when my kids have been messy, I give them that same opportunity to recognize the impact they're making on their surroundings! Yay for you, kiddos -- you're able to clean up the messes you make!
It seems that one of the side effects of having toddlers is a constant state of clutter strewn across the floor.
In order to not go crazy, I've had to learn how to put these messes in perspective.
These adorable children are not just making messes to make me a mental mess. They're learning how to play! And play is how they learn how to process life in general.
I love, love, love that a mess means my children haven't been mush-braining in front of the TV! Quite the opposite, really -- they've been playing and imagining and enjoying and thinking and creating and sharing and socializing and figuring life out.
I've noticed that my little kiddos feel so empowered picking something up and changing its location! So much of their little lives is under someone else's control that it must be a thrill to be able to control that little gadget of a toy.
I admit, they're fickle, these toddlers of mine, what with their short attention span. They go from one toy to the next with no regard as to where the last toy came from and certainly no concept for putting it back where it belongs before moving on to the next toy.
I heard of one mom, we'll call her Fannie (for Fanatical), who locked the toy cabinet. She would unlock it upon request, and the child could choose one toy and then she'd lock it back up. Again, when the child asked, she would open it and the child could trade toys. I'm sure her home was one of the few that stayed clean. And I'm almost as sure that her child was well-trained in OCD tendencies.
Well, I'm not going to judge her. To each her own -- I'm sure she was handling the stress of cleanliness in the best way she could think of. But for myself, I'm not interested in keeping track of the key and having to stop what I'm doing to open and close the cabinet as often as the child would want.
And quite honestly, when I have the opportunity to watch my children play, I can see that part of the joy for them is going from one toy to the next as their minds get sparked by the view of the different toy. Their imaginations get working, er, I mean, playing and just from seeing something else, they're inspired and instantaneously, they're ready to play a whole new game.
Plus, I think that children can learn a lot from seeing a very messy space, working on it step-by-step, and then seeing that same area all nice and clean because of their work. I know for myself it is a very gratifying process! Sometimes that is all that motivates me to start digging in -- knowing that I will be a force for good, making the world a better place.
So, when my kids have been messy, I give them that same opportunity to recognize the impact they're making on their surroundings! Yay for you, kiddos -- you're able to clean up the messes you make!
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
What are Moms good at?
If ya haven't noticed yet, I have a penchant for teaching. I like to teach.
I feel like I learn things in depth while I teach because of the processing required in my own brain in order to try to transfer it to someone else's brain.
Oh, the satisfaction in seeing the student's eyes brighten upon realization that they now understand!
Sharing knowledge is quite unlike sharing something tangible. If I were to share my apples with you, I would have fewer apples for myself. However, in sharing wisdom with you, I recognize growth in my own intellect. Love is the same way -- we used to say it's like jelly: ya can't spread it around without getting some on yourself.
Teaching reminds me that I know something. It holds me accountable to act according to my knowledge. I have declared to the world the extent of my expertise and thus I feel compelled to at least try to make my behavior match it.
Perhaps this penchant for teaching is why I wanted to homeschool my kiddos.
One day, a month or so ago, I was soliloquizing about how much I love to teach and what a joy it was to be a mother because moms get to teach so much to our children.
"Moms are good at teaching things," I declared to my children.
My seven-year old daughter retorted, "No, moms are good at yelling."
Today, I proved her true, much to my disgrace.
I always say that well-fed, well-slept children have a higher chance of being well-behaved children. Days like today make me realize that it isn't just about children. Well-fed, well-slept mommies will find it easier to be well-behaved mommies.
I didn't get much sleep last night, and I haven't been eating particularly well.
And so I yelled today. More than I have in the past year, I think. All the yelling took my children by surprise (which gave me a sense of... what? satisfaction? further disappointment? justification? hard to say.)
I heard myself yelling -- I'm sure the neighbors heard me, too -- and made myself take a few deep breaths. I apologized to the sweet ones who had been the victims of my loss of self-control. My three-year old cried as he hugged me and told me he forgives me. I didn't *quite* cry.
After all, I had to have self-control now.
So this post all ties together because I teach my children not to yell. I teach them to apologize when they make mistakes. I teach them by example. Moms are good at teaching things.
I feel like I learn things in depth while I teach because of the processing required in my own brain in order to try to transfer it to someone else's brain.
Oh, the satisfaction in seeing the student's eyes brighten upon realization that they now understand!
Sharing knowledge is quite unlike sharing something tangible. If I were to share my apples with you, I would have fewer apples for myself. However, in sharing wisdom with you, I recognize growth in my own intellect. Love is the same way -- we used to say it's like jelly: ya can't spread it around without getting some on yourself.
Teaching reminds me that I know something. It holds me accountable to act according to my knowledge. I have declared to the world the extent of my expertise and thus I feel compelled to at least try to make my behavior match it.
Perhaps this penchant for teaching is why I wanted to homeschool my kiddos.
One day, a month or so ago, I was soliloquizing about how much I love to teach and what a joy it was to be a mother because moms get to teach so much to our children.
"Moms are good at teaching things," I declared to my children.
My seven-year old daughter retorted, "No, moms are good at yelling."
Today, I proved her true, much to my disgrace.
I always say that well-fed, well-slept children have a higher chance of being well-behaved children. Days like today make me realize that it isn't just about children. Well-fed, well-slept mommies will find it easier to be well-behaved mommies.
I didn't get much sleep last night, and I haven't been eating particularly well.
And so I yelled today. More than I have in the past year, I think. All the yelling took my children by surprise (which gave me a sense of... what? satisfaction? further disappointment? justification? hard to say.)
I heard myself yelling -- I'm sure the neighbors heard me, too -- and made myself take a few deep breaths. I apologized to the sweet ones who had been the victims of my loss of self-control. My three-year old cried as he hugged me and told me he forgives me. I didn't *quite* cry.
After all, I had to have self-control now.
So this post all ties together because I teach my children not to yell. I teach them to apologize when they make mistakes. I teach them by example. Moms are good at teaching things.
Monday, May 20, 2013
I Watched her fall...
A couple of months ago, there was the odd day in February that was unusually warm. My baby was getting to be a more confident walker, and we decided to go out on the front porch and wait for her big brother to come home from school. Within a few minutes, his carpool arrived and dropped him off. Miriam saw him and with the most precious excitement in her face, started to walk to him, not bothering to notice that the porch steps -- made of concrete -- were in her way.
TJ (her big brother) and I noticed. We watched her fall. It was almost a miracle what a good fall it was. Her body sort of rolled into the gravity, and somehow her head managed to miss the corner of the concrete, and her cry for help was mostly from being startled rather than in pain. I picked her up, brushed her off, and she didn't even think twice about it. She just looked around for that big brother and got the hug from him that she had endangered her life for!
Just the other day I pulled the van into my usual spot to wait for my girls to come out from the school. Sure enough, they saw me and started running -- what a good feeling for a mom! They want to be with me! They're excited to come home! One was running a little faster and didn't notice when her sister behind her tripped on her flip-flops.
I noticed. I watched from there in the driver's seat, and maybe would have stayed there had it just been a little trip. But it wasn't little. It was one of those bad falls. Her shin slid against the ground, her knee whacked into the cement, her arm got scraped up to her elbow, and then her head hit, twisting her neck at an I-need-a-chiropractor-angle, scraping her up above her temple.
I jumped out of the van and ran to her and knelt down beside her. She was crying, holding her head and grabbing her knee. She melted into my arms and let me hold her and I let her cry. I almost cried myself. I asked to check for blood, and we determined that the scrapes were bad enough to need band-aids, but that she could ride home without flooding the van with blood. Bless her heart.
She recovered more quickly than I guessed she would, and allowed me to help her up. We wobbled over to the van together and I helped her climb in. At home, she asked for her sister's old crutches from a year ago when she broke her leg. Although I knew it wasn't really that bad, I let her enjoy the moment and squeeze a little adventure into a sad experience.
Can we make a metaphor out of this? We all trip up in life. Sometimes it's because of a poor choice of shoes; sometimes it's because of not noticing the obstacles before us. It seems like a double-whammy when its related to over-excitement and throwing caution to the wind. Some falls are "good falls" and we don't hardly get hurt -- maybe our pride... Some falls require a little more attention and love to help smooth over the pain. My role as a mom is to be there for my falling little ones, whatever the circumstances, and help them up. Help them carry on. Help them feel love in the midst of the owies. Bandage them up and provide crutches if need be. And sometimes even if it's not really needed. Make sure they get the hugs they were willing to risk their lives for! And remind them that the owies will heal.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
More about "off" days
So, yesterday's post was a little bit of a pity party, coupled with a switch to an attitude of gratitude.
I want to add a little bit to the rant, though, if I may. Because "off" days are a big threat, and I need to have solid ways to deal with them!!
There are all sorts of reasons that the systems/schedules/routines can get "off" -- one of the kids gets sick, or I get worn out, or a neighbor pops in for an unexpected visit, or... whatever... sometimes I allow something small to be a bigger obstacle than it really needs to be and I throw up my hands and give up on the whole day because the one thing didn't go as planned or pictured.
Over a lifetime of picking myself up out of the dust of a day-gone-wrong, I've gathered a few helpful mantras... I like the simple and straightforward, though sometimes the longer, rhyming ones have their place as well.
Keep On Keepin' On.
My mom had a magnet on her fridge that said: The Main Thing is to Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing.
I'm Doin' It Anyway. (I say this a lot when my body is sending pain signals that say, Don't bother to do it -- use the fibromyalgia as an excuse... I hate to let the pain win, so I say it in a little bit of a snarky voice.)
Time by minutes slips away; first the hour, then the day.
Small the daily loss appears; yet it soon amounts to years.
I'm very much an analogy person and scaffolding comes to mind as I try to illustrate my ideas on this. Scaffolding is used when a building is in the midst of being built or remodeled. It allows the construction workers to access parts of the building that need attention. It is somewhat unstable-looking, but it is relied upon by the laborers to support them in their duties.
I have to remember that the schedules and systems are the scaffolding, not the building itself. If the scaffolding is unsteady for some reason, that doesn't mean the building isn't worth working on... but it does indicate that the people who use the scaffolding need to be warned and take extra safety precautions.
The building is my life in general -- which includes relationships, responsibilities, hobbies, taking care of my body, etc. etc. -- and schedules & systems simply help me do all that. If they can't help me and threaten my sanity because they're "off" for some reason, I have to be willing to step back and look at the big picture.
That's where the gratitude comes in!
I want to add a little bit to the rant, though, if I may. Because "off" days are a big threat, and I need to have solid ways to deal with them!!
There are all sorts of reasons that the systems/schedules/routines can get "off" -- one of the kids gets sick, or I get worn out, or a neighbor pops in for an unexpected visit, or... whatever... sometimes I allow something small to be a bigger obstacle than it really needs to be and I throw up my hands and give up on the whole day because the one thing didn't go as planned or pictured.
Over a lifetime of picking myself up out of the dust of a day-gone-wrong, I've gathered a few helpful mantras... I like the simple and straightforward, though sometimes the longer, rhyming ones have their place as well.
Keep On Keepin' On.
My mom had a magnet on her fridge that said: The Main Thing is to Keep the Main Thing the Main Thing.
I'm Doin' It Anyway. (I say this a lot when my body is sending pain signals that say, Don't bother to do it -- use the fibromyalgia as an excuse... I hate to let the pain win, so I say it in a little bit of a snarky voice.)
Time by minutes slips away; first the hour, then the day.
Small the daily loss appears; yet it soon amounts to years.
I'm very much an analogy person and scaffolding comes to mind as I try to illustrate my ideas on this. Scaffolding is used when a building is in the midst of being built or remodeled. It allows the construction workers to access parts of the building that need attention. It is somewhat unstable-looking, but it is relied upon by the laborers to support them in their duties.
I have to remember that the schedules and systems are the scaffolding, not the building itself. If the scaffolding is unsteady for some reason, that doesn't mean the building isn't worth working on... but it does indicate that the people who use the scaffolding need to be warned and take extra safety precautions.
The building is my life in general -- which includes relationships, responsibilities, hobbies, taking care of my body, etc. etc. -- and schedules & systems simply help me do all that. If they can't help me and threaten my sanity because they're "off" for some reason, I have to be willing to step back and look at the big picture.
That's where the gratitude comes in!
Saturday, May 18, 2013
"Off" days
Ever since I discovered the awesome feeling of being organized, like having schedules and systems and routines, I have put the necessary effort into creating such structure and almost as much effort into following it.
And then there are days like today.
It was just "off."
What was planned didn't happen, and what happened wasn't planned.
Some of that was okay -- like when the neighbor boy who had just signed up to sell Kirby Vacuums didn't show up to do his demo. Really, that was okay.
But when I embarrassed myself -- and my daughters -- by getting confused about what costume to wear for the Homeschool Choir performance, plus the rain threatened to make my daughter's slight cold turn into something worse if she stayed and performed in it... this made me cry.
Waaaa-waaaa-waaaa -- somebody call the waaa-ambulance...
Luckily I was with my wonderful mother-in-law who just somehow knew that I needed a lot of mercy at that moment and graciously extended it to me. Plus she offered an alternate reality that included some of the structure that was lacking at that moment. I grasped onto it like I was grasping my kleenex (though I didn't blow my nose into it -- see... most analogies break down at some point... some sooner than others).
So, thanks, Grama Sue! And thanks, Michael, for not showing up for the Kirby demo. I needed the nap that I took during that time frame. And thanks to my husband for making sure that our date will still happen tonight -- although a little later than originally planned. And thanks to our babysitter for being flexible with her end-time for tonight's date...
Note to self: Focusing on the gratitude can really save me emotionally on "off" days!
And then there are days like today.
It was just "off."
What was planned didn't happen, and what happened wasn't planned.
Some of that was okay -- like when the neighbor boy who had just signed up to sell Kirby Vacuums didn't show up to do his demo. Really, that was okay.
But when I embarrassed myself -- and my daughters -- by getting confused about what costume to wear for the Homeschool Choir performance, plus the rain threatened to make my daughter's slight cold turn into something worse if she stayed and performed in it... this made me cry.
Waaaa-waaaa-waaaa -- somebody call the waaa-ambulance...
Luckily I was with my wonderful mother-in-law who just somehow knew that I needed a lot of mercy at that moment and graciously extended it to me. Plus she offered an alternate reality that included some of the structure that was lacking at that moment. I grasped onto it like I was grasping my kleenex (though I didn't blow my nose into it -- see... most analogies break down at some point... some sooner than others).
So, thanks, Grama Sue! And thanks, Michael, for not showing up for the Kirby demo. I needed the nap that I took during that time frame. And thanks to my husband for making sure that our date will still happen tonight -- although a little later than originally planned. And thanks to our babysitter for being flexible with her end-time for tonight's date...
Note to self: Focusing on the gratitude can really save me emotionally on "off" days!
Friday, May 17, 2013
Mistaking Resilience for Invincibility
I was watching a mobster movie the other night -- a comedy. One guy was complaining that kids these days are irresponsible because of the decline of the two-parent family. His cohort said, "Whatever! My dad left when I was ten, and I turned out just fine!" Then they duct-taped the third guy up and put him in the trunk of the car.
Yeah, that's something that someone would do who has turned out just fine...
I thank God every day for my husband. If my kids do turn out just fine (and I define that fairly broadly -- minus kidnapping people) it will be because of their daddy.
I didn't have a dad. I don't kidnap people (unless you count when I take my kids somewhere they don't want to go) but there were definitely repercussions within our family that are still being resolved.
I feel like this misinterpretation of resilience has affected my life in other ways. When I was younger, I only slept 4 to 6 hours at night. Sleep seemed like a waste of time, and heck, I was still able to go about my business the rest of the day, so I must not have needed sleep, right? Eight hours! P'shaw! When would I have time to work three jobs AND go to college?
I didn't eat fresh produce. Ever. I just hadn't developed a taste for it and figured all that talk about eating your veggies was for people not as healthy as I was. I never got sick! I was resilient...
Now I have fibromyalgia. Hmmmmm.... Could it be that lack of sleep and lack of proper diet had long-term effects that I disregarded because there were no visible short term effects happening?
America, land that I love, is having some problems that might fit in this category: we mistake resilience for invincibility. We figure that as long as we're surviving, we must be thriving. Since lightning hasn't struck yet, God must approve of how we're defining the Constitution or family or "rights." Right?
Part of the issue is that when lightning does strike, we don't recognize it for what it is! We aren't humble enough to step back, look in the mirror, and make necessary changes.
I will say that I do sleep nowadays. My body pretty much requires it.
And I eat almost as much fresh produce as I do chocolate. Almost...
And I'm also working on that dad thing. I've given it to God and forgiven Dad for leaving and keep working to make sure I never give my husband any desire to leave. If there's more I can do, I'll do it. I'm committed to being more than resilient!
Yeah, that's something that someone would do who has turned out just fine...
I thank God every day for my husband. If my kids do turn out just fine (and I define that fairly broadly -- minus kidnapping people) it will be because of their daddy.
I didn't have a dad. I don't kidnap people (unless you count when I take my kids somewhere they don't want to go) but there were definitely repercussions within our family that are still being resolved.
I feel like this misinterpretation of resilience has affected my life in other ways. When I was younger, I only slept 4 to 6 hours at night. Sleep seemed like a waste of time, and heck, I was still able to go about my business the rest of the day, so I must not have needed sleep, right? Eight hours! P'shaw! When would I have time to work three jobs AND go to college?
I didn't eat fresh produce. Ever. I just hadn't developed a taste for it and figured all that talk about eating your veggies was for people not as healthy as I was. I never got sick! I was resilient...
Now I have fibromyalgia. Hmmmmm.... Could it be that lack of sleep and lack of proper diet had long-term effects that I disregarded because there were no visible short term effects happening?
America, land that I love, is having some problems that might fit in this category: we mistake resilience for invincibility. We figure that as long as we're surviving, we must be thriving. Since lightning hasn't struck yet, God must approve of how we're defining the Constitution or family or "rights." Right?
Part of the issue is that when lightning does strike, we don't recognize it for what it is! We aren't humble enough to step back, look in the mirror, and make necessary changes.
I will say that I do sleep nowadays. My body pretty much requires it.
And I eat almost as much fresh produce as I do chocolate. Almost...
And I'm also working on that dad thing. I've given it to God and forgiven Dad for leaving and keep working to make sure I never give my husband any desire to leave. If there's more I can do, I'll do it. I'm committed to being more than resilient!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Makin' a big deal outta nothin'
So, if I were worried about being politically correct, I would warn you that this post has a religious tone to it. However, I don't feel like political correctness is worth much -- I'm far more interested in Christian-correctness, so no warning necessary! Instead, we can praise the Lord together!
Book report time!
Feelings of inadequacy sometimes threaten this Clueless Mama into thinking of giving up on motherhood. Yes, yes, I know this is pretty much impossible, but anyways... My defense is to READ BOOKS. Attempting to educate myself makes me feel like I'm at least moving in the right direction.
I don't even remember how I heard about this book, but I'm so glad I did. Christlike Parenting gave me incredibly awesome ideas of how to apply my religion to my day-to-day life. AND -- like a double-whammy-bonus -- it helped me see my Savior in a new light, from a different angle.
The author's goal is for me to be able to apply the Savior's life as an example for motherhood. He took bible stories that I've known for decades and showed me how shepherding flocks is like mothering children. Beautiful!
The one element I'm going to pull out of the book for this blog post is the idea that most bad behavior can be ignored, while good behavior needs to be praised profusely. In fact, since the author is also a behavioral therapist, he said the ratio of positive interactions to negative needs to be roughly 8-to-1.
For every time I criticize my child, I need to find eight ways to compliment her.
WOW. As adorable as my children are, and they are indeed adorable, that is still a daunting task.
EIGHT happy, positive statements are necessary to balance the one time I yell or the one time I correct or the one time I treat my child as less than the child of God that she is.
The author admits that sometimes it's a reach. He suggests having a back-up collection of phrases as simple as, "Good breathing, son!" and "I like how your shoulders are so straight!" for times when I've been dishing out the disapproval so much that it's difficult to switch the gears into positive thinking.
Another tactic I've developed is to grasp hold of the one thing I can think of that's positive, and re-phrase it in several different ways. "Oh, Reed, thank you for hugging your sister and saying sorry. That is wonderful and shows so much love! I'm happy that you are full of love. I'm sure you feel that happy feeling, too! Oh, and look how happy she is! Isn't that wonderful? We're spreading love and happiness in our home." This line of thinking is where the title of today's post comes from!
I am so grateful the author saw fit to give me this goal... I rarely reach it (okay, so I rarely keep count), but just striving for it has made a huge difference in how I interact with my children. And, honestly, it has changed me into a happier person in general. I am constantly on the look-out for happy things to notice and point out. I love to see how my child's eyes shine when I compliment them!
Being aware that this came from a book about how God parents me, I've also started noticing his "compliments" -- also known as blessings -- and how they FAR outweigh the reprimands -- even beyond the 8-to-1 ratio!
Book report time!
Feelings of inadequacy sometimes threaten this Clueless Mama into thinking of giving up on motherhood. Yes, yes, I know this is pretty much impossible, but anyways... My defense is to READ BOOKS. Attempting to educate myself makes me feel like I'm at least moving in the right direction.
I don't even remember how I heard about this book, but I'm so glad I did. Christlike Parenting gave me incredibly awesome ideas of how to apply my religion to my day-to-day life. AND -- like a double-whammy-bonus -- it helped me see my Savior in a new light, from a different angle.
The author's goal is for me to be able to apply the Savior's life as an example for motherhood. He took bible stories that I've known for decades and showed me how shepherding flocks is like mothering children. Beautiful!
The one element I'm going to pull out of the book for this blog post is the idea that most bad behavior can be ignored, while good behavior needs to be praised profusely. In fact, since the author is also a behavioral therapist, he said the ratio of positive interactions to negative needs to be roughly 8-to-1.
For every time I criticize my child, I need to find eight ways to compliment her.
WOW. As adorable as my children are, and they are indeed adorable, that is still a daunting task.
EIGHT happy, positive statements are necessary to balance the one time I yell or the one time I correct or the one time I treat my child as less than the child of God that she is.
The author admits that sometimes it's a reach. He suggests having a back-up collection of phrases as simple as, "Good breathing, son!" and "I like how your shoulders are so straight!" for times when I've been dishing out the disapproval so much that it's difficult to switch the gears into positive thinking.
Another tactic I've developed is to grasp hold of the one thing I can think of that's positive, and re-phrase it in several different ways. "Oh, Reed, thank you for hugging your sister and saying sorry. That is wonderful and shows so much love! I'm happy that you are full of love. I'm sure you feel that happy feeling, too! Oh, and look how happy she is! Isn't that wonderful? We're spreading love and happiness in our home." This line of thinking is where the title of today's post comes from!
I am so grateful the author saw fit to give me this goal... I rarely reach it (okay, so I rarely keep count), but just striving for it has made a huge difference in how I interact with my children. And, honestly, it has changed me into a happier person in general. I am constantly on the look-out for happy things to notice and point out. I love to see how my child's eyes shine when I compliment them!
Being aware that this came from a book about how God parents me, I've also started noticing his "compliments" -- also known as blessings -- and how they FAR outweigh the reprimands -- even beyond the 8-to-1 ratio!
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
The Power of SHHHHHhhhhhh.....
I have twinsGo back and read those three words and listen to yourself...
I purposely left off punctuation so your brain would read it based on your own preconceived notions about having twins.
Was there an underlying sense of excitement in your brain's voice? Or was there a calm acceptance amidst a somewhat serious tone? Or did a dreadful threat seem to loom as though a disease was being diagnosed?
I've experienced all three feelings over the course of the 8ish years that I've had twins. We found out on Valentine's Day, about 14 weeks before they actually arrived. Through the whirlwind of preparation, there wasn't really time to think about what it would be like... and that was a good thing, I think. It was better for the reality of it to be the teacher.
One of the realities was the colic. For some unknown reason, these babies would scream for three hours every night for about six weeks. I tried changing my diet since they were exclusively breastfed. I tried running the vacuum cleaner. I tried carrying them just-so, rocking them so fast, and massaging their bellies...
As I figured out that nothing really made a difference, I approached the three-hour time frame from a different angle: rather than try something new for their benefit, I had to plan for myself and how I would survive.
First: never be alone. Always have a second pair of adult hands. Many people are thrilled to be asked to help with newborns -- especially twins.
Second: try to distract myself -- play some calming music; maybe watch a movie with the subtitles since their screaming might keep me from hearing dialogue;
Third: do something different. Bathe (yes, with the babies! In this case, I had my hubby or my mom be my second adult). Dance. Go on a walk.
Well, one night as I went on a walk with the screaming yet still adorable twins in their stroller, the neighbor heard their cries and came out to visit with me. She told me that just that day she had seen the Baby Whisperer on Oprah and asked if she could try out the special techniques on my little ones.
"Sure."
She crouched the baby's knees up into her belly, held her firmly against her chest in a straight-up position, and SHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh'd in her ear.
Long SSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh. Deep breath. Another long, long SSSSSHHHHHHHhhhhhh.
It was working! Karina was calming down!
Esther, the baby still in the stroller, was also stopping the sobbing. Maybe she was wondering what was making her sister stop... maybe she could hear the SHHHHHHhhhhhhh too.
Well, I've had two more newborns since that time, and while neither of them has been colicky, they have both certainly had times when they need to calm down.
SSSSSHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh does it. Over and over.
The funny thing is, I feel like it calms me down, too, as I "administer" the secret weapon...
SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Do you feel it?
Monday, May 13, 2013
My Favorite Motherhood Quote
I have a huge poster in my Mom-Cave -- it was a leftover decoration from the Successful Mothering Convention back in 2006 -- and it has this Sanity-Saving, Hope-Inspiring Quote by Jill Churchill:
So, today, my journey of motherhood continued, and, surprise, surprise, I wasn't perfect.
However, there were a few moments when I was good. My three-year old even came and clapped his hands around my neck and said, "Good Mommy!"
Like when I arranged a play-date for that very three-year old and never once got mad at him for the zillion times he asked "Is it two-o-clock yet?"
Also, when we finished walking home from school, I gave everyone otter pops. Otter pops! Cheap way to score big.
Later, when we were about to leave for the doctor's office, my baby poop-sploded on my jeans. I didn't have time to change her clothes AND my clothes, so I went with poopy jeans.
Oh, and I punished two of my children for fighting during chores by making them weed the rock garden. Wait, wait, that's not the part I did good... this is: I went out and weeded with them. Partially to referee, but also just to be with them...
After the piano recital, I let Daddy buy everyone ice cream cones even though I'm well aware we are going to start seeing the hospital bills come rolling in. Gotta celebrate the piano recital!!!
So, Jill was right. If being a good mom can be as easy as wearing poopy jeans and handing out otter pops, then I can do this. I can do this. I claim to be clueless, but I can do this. (Can you tell I repeat that phrase to myself many times a day!)
There is no way to be a perfect mother
and a million ways to be a good one.
So, today, my journey of motherhood continued, and, surprise, surprise, I wasn't perfect.
However, there were a few moments when I was good. My three-year old even came and clapped his hands around my neck and said, "Good Mommy!"
Like when I arranged a play-date for that very three-year old and never once got mad at him for the zillion times he asked "Is it two-o-clock yet?"
Also, when we finished walking home from school, I gave everyone otter pops. Otter pops! Cheap way to score big.
Later, when we were about to leave for the doctor's office, my baby poop-sploded on my jeans. I didn't have time to change her clothes AND my clothes, so I went with poopy jeans.
Oh, and I punished two of my children for fighting during chores by making them weed the rock garden. Wait, wait, that's not the part I did good... this is: I went out and weeded with them. Partially to referee, but also just to be with them...
After the piano recital, I let Daddy buy everyone ice cream cones even though I'm well aware we are going to start seeing the hospital bills come rolling in. Gotta celebrate the piano recital!!!
So, Jill was right. If being a good mom can be as easy as wearing poopy jeans and handing out otter pops, then I can do this. I can do this. I claim to be clueless, but I can do this. (Can you tell I repeat that phrase to myself many times a day!)
Saturday, May 11, 2013
In light of Mother's Day
I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day a few years ago. Whoa... I'd heard so many women say that they just didn't want to show up to church on Mother's Day because they couldn't stand the guilt as they listened to the speakers dishing about how perfect their moms were.
I didn't want to be that kind of speaker. My mom really is perfect, and talking about her would definitely make other mothers feel guilty....
So I spoke about Mary, the mother of Jesus, instead. I don't know if that helped the guilt levels or not, but it helped me personally recognize how each of my children is also one of God's children and how he has entrusted them to me even though I'm merely - and severely - mortal.
I don't have any desire to wallow in guilt. How counter-productive. I'm well aware that I make mistakes, but I take comfort knowing that I rarely make them on purpose. I try to let my kids know that I am working on improving, and I ask their forgiveness as often as necessary (which is often).
The key to accepting myself amidst my imperfection is knowing that my children, though incredibly sweet and adorable, aren't perfect either. They need to see how I handle my missteps so they can handle their own faults & errors effectively! (Mary, the mother of Jesus, couldn't have that line of reasoning, since her son was, indeed, perfect. Oh well.)
So instead of wallowing in guilt, I choose to wallow -- and I mean really roll around and get myself covered -- in gratitude!!!
I am so, so, so, so thankful to BE a mom, even though it humbles me every minute of every day. What a wonderful blessing! What a joy! What a thrill!
What an incredible power -- I GIVE LIFE. There are six beings on this planet who would not exist were it not for me. Mad scientists have spent their lives and genius futilely trying to accomplish what we mothers do with little-to-no effort (other than morning sickness and stretch marks... oh, and labor...)
So, I choose to celebrate mother's day -- absolutely about my mother! but also about myself and my chance to be a mother. BIG Thanks to my husband for making it possible, supporting me in so many ways, and loving me, even though I yell at his quiver full of kids every once in a while.
Hand over the chocolate!!!
I didn't want to be that kind of speaker. My mom really is perfect, and talking about her would definitely make other mothers feel guilty....
So I spoke about Mary, the mother of Jesus, instead. I don't know if that helped the guilt levels or not, but it helped me personally recognize how each of my children is also one of God's children and how he has entrusted them to me even though I'm merely - and severely - mortal.
I don't have any desire to wallow in guilt. How counter-productive. I'm well aware that I make mistakes, but I take comfort knowing that I rarely make them on purpose. I try to let my kids know that I am working on improving, and I ask their forgiveness as often as necessary (which is often).
The key to accepting myself amidst my imperfection is knowing that my children, though incredibly sweet and adorable, aren't perfect either. They need to see how I handle my missteps so they can handle their own faults & errors effectively! (Mary, the mother of Jesus, couldn't have that line of reasoning, since her son was, indeed, perfect. Oh well.)
So instead of wallowing in guilt, I choose to wallow -- and I mean really roll around and get myself covered -- in gratitude!!!
I am so, so, so, so thankful to BE a mom, even though it humbles me every minute of every day. What a wonderful blessing! What a joy! What a thrill!
What an incredible power -- I GIVE LIFE. There are six beings on this planet who would not exist were it not for me. Mad scientists have spent their lives and genius futilely trying to accomplish what we mothers do with little-to-no effort (other than morning sickness and stretch marks... oh, and labor...)
So, I choose to celebrate mother's day -- absolutely about my mother! but also about myself and my chance to be a mother. BIG Thanks to my husband for making it possible, supporting me in so many ways, and loving me, even though I yell at his quiver full of kids every once in a while.
Hand over the chocolate!!!
Friday, May 10, 2013
Help! I've started working and I can't sit down!
Well, I've used today to try, *try* to get caught up on all the not-as-important stuff that I had to ignore while baby was in the hospital.
Mostly, that meant cleaning, sorting, re-organizing, labeling, and a little bit of time deep-cleaning the bathroom.
I've discovered that ya can't do things twice in order to find out which is the better way of doing them. Have you ever been tempted to drive home twice in a row taking two different routes to see which way is faster??? However, by the time you try the one route, then get back to the beginning to try the second route, it's not a fair trial because it's a different time of day -- traffic will differ, whether or not you hit the lights or whatever....
That's kind of how it is for me with cleaning the house. I get started in one room, but because I have to take some of the paraphernalia to another room, I end up in there for a while, and then zig-zag back and then re-trace those steps, and eventually things look cleaner but I wonder if I had stayed in the one area, would I have gotten done faster???
But again, I can't go back and give the alternative way of cleaning a fair shot because, well, things are already cleaner...
I used to have a cleaning cart but I gave it to a girlfriend who ooohed and ahhhed over it that I could tell she would make better use of it than I did. It was a wheeled contraption with a trash can and three baskets, one labeled "Put away Upstairs," another labeled "Put away Downstairs" and the last one marked: Give Away.
As the Clueless Mama trying to conquer clutter, I've determined that cleaning up is all about decision making. Each item has to be judged and placed in one of the three categories: Put away, Throw away, or Give away.
Now, now, nobody likes to judge things. It doesn't feel nice. I just remind myself that I'm not judging the intrinsic value of the clutter, but rather I'm judging what to do with the item!
This has helped me a lot, because now I can throw away things that are actually quite valuable -- like my son's 100% test score. Putting it in the trash does not mean that he no longer has 100% on his test. The value of the item remains the same! It simply means that I don't have to find a way to try to make clutter seem like decor.
FLYLady is the QUEEN of de-cluttering. She teaches us to overcome CHAOS (an acronym!! You know how I LOVE acronyms!) by fun little activites like the 27-fling boogie. CHAOS stands for Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. And the 27-Fling Boogie is when you just breeze through your household with the goal of getting rid of 27 items. Woo-hoo!
Well, today's post is a little unwieldy in my train of thought, but that's a reflection of how my cleaning techniques were... just keep on movin' from one thing to the next...
Mostly, that meant cleaning, sorting, re-organizing, labeling, and a little bit of time deep-cleaning the bathroom.
I've discovered that ya can't do things twice in order to find out which is the better way of doing them. Have you ever been tempted to drive home twice in a row taking two different routes to see which way is faster??? However, by the time you try the one route, then get back to the beginning to try the second route, it's not a fair trial because it's a different time of day -- traffic will differ, whether or not you hit the lights or whatever....
That's kind of how it is for me with cleaning the house. I get started in one room, but because I have to take some of the paraphernalia to another room, I end up in there for a while, and then zig-zag back and then re-trace those steps, and eventually things look cleaner but I wonder if I had stayed in the one area, would I have gotten done faster???
But again, I can't go back and give the alternative way of cleaning a fair shot because, well, things are already cleaner...
I used to have a cleaning cart but I gave it to a girlfriend who ooohed and ahhhed over it that I could tell she would make better use of it than I did. It was a wheeled contraption with a trash can and three baskets, one labeled "Put away Upstairs," another labeled "Put away Downstairs" and the last one marked: Give Away.
As the Clueless Mama trying to conquer clutter, I've determined that cleaning up is all about decision making. Each item has to be judged and placed in one of the three categories: Put away, Throw away, or Give away.
Now, now, nobody likes to judge things. It doesn't feel nice. I just remind myself that I'm not judging the intrinsic value of the clutter, but rather I'm judging what to do with the item!
This has helped me a lot, because now I can throw away things that are actually quite valuable -- like my son's 100% test score. Putting it in the trash does not mean that he no longer has 100% on his test. The value of the item remains the same! It simply means that I don't have to find a way to try to make clutter seem like decor.
FLYLady is the QUEEN of de-cluttering. She teaches us to overcome CHAOS (an acronym!! You know how I LOVE acronyms!) by fun little activites like the 27-fling boogie. CHAOS stands for Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. And the 27-Fling Boogie is when you just breeze through your household with the goal of getting rid of 27 items. Woo-hoo!
Well, today's post is a little unwieldy in my train of thought, but that's a reflection of how my cleaning techniques were... just keep on movin' from one thing to the next...
Thursday, May 9, 2013
She's HOME!!!
We got stuck in rush-hour traffic today and the pharmacy took 40 minutes longer than expected to process our prescriptions, but I didn't care -- my baby was WITH me during each of those minor inconveniences, and that was all that mattered!!!
As wonderful as Primary Children's Hospital is, I am SOOOO glad to NOT have to go there to be with my baby. She's asleep in our own bed right now. Aaaaaahhhhh.
Some of the memorable moments from our week with pneumonia include how well she handled all the poking, yucky medicines, vitals-at-midnight... she even handled the NPO (orders not to eat or drink) with remarkable grace and stamina.
Her vocabulary now includes such words as "rash," "medicine," and "fever" and how "owie" was her word to indicate how annoyed she is even if nothing really hurt... How she recognized the stethoscope from day one and pulled up her shirt to help the listener get a clear sound.
The time she played with her teapot and tea cups for an entire hour. Yes, at nineteen months, her attention span really lasted that long.
One time, the housekeeping crew came through, swiftly tidying up, emptying trash, and sweeping, trying not to disturb and not even making eye contact let alone conversation. As they left, Miriam called out: "Thank you!" The surprised smile was indeed a reward for her politeness!
And once, out of the blue, Miriam stopped playing and looked up and said, "Jesus." This was a bittersweet moment when she sensed Jesus near -- because his presence may have been so that a fellow young patient could cross through the veil to the other side.
Again, I reiterate how grateful I am for the amazing place that Primary Children's is. Their staff is phenomenal; their facilities are magical!
I still don't want to go back.
As wonderful as Primary Children's Hospital is, I am SOOOO glad to NOT have to go there to be with my baby. She's asleep in our own bed right now. Aaaaaahhhhh.
Some of the memorable moments from our week with pneumonia include how well she handled all the poking, yucky medicines, vitals-at-midnight... she even handled the NPO (orders not to eat or drink) with remarkable grace and stamina.
Her vocabulary now includes such words as "rash," "medicine," and "fever" and how "owie" was her word to indicate how annoyed she is even if nothing really hurt... How she recognized the stethoscope from day one and pulled up her shirt to help the listener get a clear sound.
The time she played with her teapot and tea cups for an entire hour. Yes, at nineteen months, her attention span really lasted that long.
One time, the housekeeping crew came through, swiftly tidying up, emptying trash, and sweeping, trying not to disturb and not even making eye contact let alone conversation. As they left, Miriam called out: "Thank you!" The surprised smile was indeed a reward for her politeness!
And once, out of the blue, Miriam stopped playing and looked up and said, "Jesus." This was a bittersweet moment when she sensed Jesus near -- because his presence may have been so that a fellow young patient could cross through the veil to the other side.
Again, I reiterate how grateful I am for the amazing place that Primary Children's is. Their staff is phenomenal; their facilities are magical!
I still don't want to go back.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Screen-Free Week was... unexpected...
I promised to post about Screen-Free week once we weren't screen-free anymore and what kinds of adventures we had instead of being in front of a screen.
Well, the first thing I discovered the morning we ended screen-free week was that I hadn't used the "schedule" button correctly so, ooooooops, all those posts I pre-wrote didn't show up as I thought they would. Oh, well! Good thing I haven't put too much energy into building readership yet!
Overall, the week didn't go as we expected, although we really and truly stuck out the screen-free element... we just also happened to get pneumonia among us, including the baby who is now in the hospital. I-yi-yi...
Thankfully, she is a good kind of sick, where her energy levels are good indications that she's getting better. Plus her fever is a thing of the past (though it took a week!) We just can't get her breathing rate to come down to where they feel comfortable letting her come home.
So that excitement pretty much took precedence over all the other exciting things we had planned. The roller skating didn't happen. Neither did the parade. Although Daddy did take the kiddos swimming one night (we just pretended not to worry about bedtime).
The kids have been good sports about it all and I suppose it is a lesson in priorities... I've been learning more about prayer, the real kind that helps me know God is alive and cares about li'l ol' me, and my sweet li'l baby... and that true comfort comes when I let him know I trust him and whatever his will might be.
As far as the report on screen-free goes, I got a little creative when I needed phone numbers -- even used a phone book for what it was meant for rather than as a paper weight. My three-year old was AMAZING -- kudos to him for embracing the opportunity to play with playdough and use his imagination and play with friends and everything else he did, all without a screen. My iPod-owning son was remarkable in his self-restraint! My twin daughters just kept diverting their attention with friends, friends, and more friends. My ten-year old slept a lot because, alas, he was the other victim of the pneumonia bug in the house.
And here in the hospital I just sat and enjoyed the peace and quiet. They even have a poster that says, "A quiet environment promotes healing." Aaaahhhh, a mother of six doesn't often get quiet...
Sunday, May 5, 2013
SUNDAY: Day of Worship
Some families have a strict no-TV policy for Sundays. We don't -- though we do direct our children's attention toward movies made to build faith -- like Veggie Tales! So maybe, since today is our last day of Screen-Free Week, we'll just get the fresh veggies out of the crisper and make up our own scripture stories! Would making a video be breaking the spirit of the Screen-Free theme???
So, tomorrow, May 6th, I'll get back on the blog and report as to how well we did with the pledge to take a break from screen time.
In a predictive statement, I think saying "No! It's Screen-Free Week, remember?" won't be too hard -- what will be harder is having the energy, means, and wherewithal to actually do something else and not just moan about how long a week without TV seems.
I'm going to tape the list of 101 Screen-Free Activities (provided by the Center for a Commercial-Free Childhood, sponsor of Screen-Free Week) to the monitor after I'm done scheduling this post to show up on Sunday May 5th. Then I will shut the computer down and not check my email or log in to blog or anything until Monday of next week. See you then!
So, tomorrow, May 6th, I'll get back on the blog and report as to how well we did with the pledge to take a break from screen time.
In a predictive statement, I think saying "No! It's Screen-Free Week, remember?" won't be too hard -- what will be harder is having the energy, means, and wherewithal to actually do something else and not just moan about how long a week without TV seems.
I'm going to tape the list of 101 Screen-Free Activities (provided by the Center for a Commercial-Free Childhood, sponsor of Screen-Free Week) to the monitor after I'm done scheduling this post to show up on Sunday May 5th. Then I will shut the computer down and not check my email or log in to blog or anything until Monday of next week. See you then!
Saturday, May 4, 2013
SATURDAY: Already busy, busy, busy...
NOTE: This post was written on Sunday, April 28th, as I prepared to turn off the computer for a whole week... but I still wanted to post to the blog every day, so I used the "Schedule" function -- don't I feel smart?! Anywho, the reason for taking a week off is NOT a vacation -- rather, it's Screen-Free Week, and we're participating. Come May 6th, we'll have screens in front of our faces again, but in the meantime we're spending our time in myriad other ways... for example:
I wonder what we'll like best about not having screen access? I wonder what will bug me most about not being able to jump on the internet to do x, y, or z?
- watching our son's play performances
- completing a nice thorough cleaning of our home
- attending a baby shower
- helping build the playground at the charter school
- attending the temple
I wonder what we'll like best about not having screen access? I wonder what will bug me most about not being able to jump on the internet to do x, y, or z?
Friday, May 3, 2013
FRIDAY: Grama Day turns into... a read-a-thon
NOTE: This post was written a full five days before it was scheduled to show up on the blog... I am taking a week off of Screen-Time of any kind, including blogging... This attempt required lots of planning ahead so we wouldn't end up twiddling our thumbs, and so we would have happy memories of our Screen-Free Week. These are our exciting plans for today:
- Sing, sing, sing! (Karaoke anyone?)
- Our family will host a Read-a-thon from 1:30-4:30 at our house. Come join us! Oh, but you'll be reading this after the fact, so... maybe host one at your house next week and invite us!!!
- Go eat pizza at Grama's house!
- Look at baby books
Thursday, May 2, 2013
THURSDAY: Electronics and Water Don't Mix
Back on Sunday, April 28th, I pre-wrote this post. I won't be able to check it for accuracy until Monday, May 6th, when Screen-Free Week has officially ended... But these were the plans we came up with for how to spend our free time since we won't be burdened with TV, Computer, iPods, and video games!
- Family Reading!
- Visit the Library!
- Go Swimming! (Actually, I have to excuse myself from this activity since the chlorine causes problems with my body... however, I will remain screen-free as my children swim with Daddy! Instead, I'll work on scrapbooking, writing letters to loved ones, and/or organizing my Mom-cave.)
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
WEDNESDAY: not really hump day
This post, along with the first two this week and the next three, were actually written on Sunday, April 28. Since we are celebrating Screen-Free Week I had to train myself on how to use the "scheduling" button -- and I guess I won't know if I succeeded until I get back online Monday, May 6th...
We held a planning meeting of what to do on Wednesday, May 1st, instead of watching TV or writing up blog posts or checking facebook. Each child got to determine activities for their specific day, and today was TJ's day! He planned:
We held a planning meeting of what to do on Wednesday, May 1st, instead of watching TV or writing up blog posts or checking facebook. Each child got to determine activities for their specific day, and today was TJ's day! He planned:
- Alone Time (this is when we each pick a corner of the house and enjoy some peace and quiet -- I should dedicate an entire blog post to it, because it's really one of my favorite ways to treat the madness that can take over in our large household -- and even the kiddos like it!)
- Play basketball with Daddy
- Go to Scouts (this is every Wednesday anyway, but hey, it's Screen-Free!)
- eat I-Screem (I just spelled Ice Cream wrong so it would look closer to Screen, but it's still NOT screen so we can have it during Screen-Free week, right?!?!)
- Make some kind of yummy treat together from scratch (maybe Secret-Ingredient Fudge?!)
- Dig in the Garden (I hope it's good weather)
- Make up poetry about our family
- Sidewalk Chalk!
- Fly a kite!
- Make puppets out of socks and have a puppet show
- Go visit random old folks at a nursing home (though we don't want to confuse them into thinking we're relatives that they have forgotten)
- Blow Bubbles
- Play musical instruments together
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