SPRING BREAK!

My four older children are in three different schools, and it just so happens that they all have spring break at the same time! Woo-hoo! So.... time to party!

Here are some of our plans:

• Read Together Every Day! (we haven't been doing too well with this oh-so-awesome family habit)
• Get Together with the Cousins! (13 cousins live within 10 miles or so from us, but it takes a conscious effort to make sure we hang out)
• Feed the Ducks at Decker Lake! (we already have two bags of too-old bread!)
• Play Boggle! (a new fave along with Phase 10 and Monopoly)
• Go to Temple Square! (Daddy works there... he doesn't get the week off like we do, but we can still go eat lunch with him)

It's so nice, sometimes, to get a break from the daily rigamarole... of course, some things still have to get done, like Chores...

You may not already know that in trying to help our family have a good attitude about chores, I adopted FLYLady's terminology and instead of doing chores we refer to it as "Bless Our Home." Another way I have attempted to not waste energy on complaining 'cuz it's gotta be done so we might as well use our energy to work rather than whine IS... helping them see that chores aren't a punishment! They aren't just fabricated slave labor to build character! They are simply what needs to be done as a result of something else being done first. And so I present to you...

The Parable of the Open Drawers

© Kingdomgraphix | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

In our family, we like to eat. It's a silly little thing, I know, but something about growling tummies, and boom, we're in the brand-spankin'-clean kitchen lookin' for somethin' to put down the ol' cake-hole. I don't know if this happens in your house, but alluvasudden, the kitchen ain't so clean anymore.

MOM: Hey, kiddos, let's clean up after we eat!

KIDDOS (in unison): But Mah-ahm (whining always makes Mom have two syllables) we didn't do anything wrong. We just had a snack. Don't punish us!

MOM: Ummm, (using a calm and friendly voice) I will only punish you if you don't clean up!

Then for demonstration, I open a drawer. And leave it open. And open another drawer, and leave it open... Then I try to dance through the kitchen, dramatically banging into the drawers...

MOM: Chores, errr, blessing our home, is like closing a drawer. You close it because you opened it, and because a closed drawer presents fewer problems than an open drawer.  In an area with open drawers, ya can't have as much fun. Taking the time to close it gives you space to be free.

I see the lights go on in my oldest child's eyes. Whew! Once I have him helping me, together we can convince the others of the cleverness of this perspective!

And we can go have fun during our Spring Break!

Easter Egg-citement!

Here's a thankful shout-out to my sister-in-law for running the Easter Egg Hunt today. She single-handedly filled 300 eggs with jelly beans -- and many with good chocolate, too -- so that each of the 11 collective grandchildren could feel most successful as they gathered the goodies.

I have a daughter named Esther, who sometimes gets called or spelled Easter. I think she likes getting mixed-up with a bright, colorful holiday which really *is* a holy-day. Those of us who are Christian owe our religion to the miracle of Easter. Christ did many amazing things while he was alive but it was his power over death that won him worldwide fame. The resurrection was what sealed the deal -- he really is the Son of God, after all, and can kick the whole kick-the-bucket thing away. Hooray!

Nowadays, many good people doubt this. Many are slowly converting to atheism as science tries to persuade them that the Creator is merely a theory called evolution. I want to add my voice, small as it may be, to that of the prophets of old as well as current prophets, that the Creator is, in fact, alive! We have a second witness, in companionship with the Bible, that testifies of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! The Book of Mormon tells of how he came to the American continent shortly after his resurrection and showed his body -- even let these people feel the wounds in hands, feet, and side -- and established his church among them.

My life, everyday of it, is blessed beyond description by these truths -- the reality of the resurrection, the existence of God, our Father, and his love embodied in his Son, Jesus Christ. It's better than even the good chocolate Becky put in those eggs! I know there are people out there looking for reasons to believe -- kinda like my kiddos were lookin' for eggs today. They aren't quite ready to give in to social pressures that mock God's commandments (which are actually hints to happiness). They want to pay attention to the inner voice that whispers of their divine nature and individual worth.

If you are one of those people, consider investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I have found it to be the closest thing to proof of God that he'll allow there to be. He wants our decision to follow him to be based on faith -- so until his Son comes to earth again, we'll be choosing freely to submit to his will, rather than being forced into it because of too much proof. However, he provides evidences all along the way PLUS that inner voice, the Holy Spirit, that can guide us and help us know of him personally as we pray.

Thanks for letting me share my witness with you! I do it in Jesus' name, and invite you to email me personally with any questions. Love, Regan

Mess Magicians

My kids feel so good about making messes... it's fun to watch them -- when they don't know they're being watched! Their imaginations lead them through fantastic adventures that leave a trail of toys behind them.
Oh, and if dinner doesn't taste good, it makes good fodder for finger plays, if you ask my three-year-old!

Here is just one of the many, many pictures of one of my little mess-makers!

 I've had to come to terms with the fact that messes are simply a part of life. Mind you, messes are NOT limited to life with children. Plenty of us grown-up-types are still pretty-darn-good at making messes.

While it's nice to avoid messes as much as possible, sometimes it's not possible, in which case you might as well look for the gold nuggets in the mud of life! My sweet daughters are illustrating this concept for you (during a field trip to This is the Place Heritage Park):

Gotta be gold in all this mud...

Sure, I'll play in the mud even though I'm wearing a dress!

 And here is a picture of my little mess-maker CLEANING UP! Ahhh, an action worth remembering!

Appreciating moments like these inspired me to treat messes a little differently. Rather than waste my energy on being annoyed/disappointed/frustrated/mad with all of the messes, I decided to focus my energy on calmly teaching the little one how to become a

MESS-MAGICIAN and make the mess disappear! 

It turned it into a game rather than a punishment... this is something both of us can appreciate in the family dynamics of keeping the peace!

Heck, if ya have a hat to add to the atmosphere -- ABRA-CA-DABRA and PRESTO!!!

© Creatista | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Picnic with Pie

Woo-hoo! Nice weather, finally! My little ones and I have spent so much time outside these last couple of days that we're a little bit sunburnt... this Clueless Mama has a hard time remembering sunscreen the first few days of spring, but after a few painful days of peeling skin off my nose, I do better.

The label of today's post, Picnic with Pie, may be slightly misleading. You might think we ate Pie when we had a picnic. But that would have been terribly sad, because Pie is one of the live beings in this picture:

Please don't eat Pie.

Riding a peacock on the carousel at the zoo

Not the blond one. The one in the water. Yes, Pie is a fish. The blond one is the proud owner -- and namer! He just purchased this fish yesterday -- it is the mom-approved pet that he bought with his own Bank of Dad money from doing a CLAP interview! So of course Pie has to do everything with us, including going on a picnic. His owner is PROUD as a PEACOCK!

When we showed up at the park yesterday, where we haven't been since August, my three-year-old looked around and a sense of familiarity came over him and he declared: "I remember this park from my childhood!"



What fun! I hope that my children will have happy memories of their youth that will carry them through any tough times that might lie ahead in adulthood. And they won't be too embarrassed by the pictures I post of them on this blog of the time they wore a BEAR BUTT in public...

CLAP Interviews: Planning Ahead

NOTE: CLAP Interviews are one of the elements of implementing the CLAP acronym of Chores, Learning, Attitude, and Planning. If you click on the CLAP label to the right, you can read all about the CLAP system in all its glory! The P is for Planning Ahead, which is originally discussed in this post; in today's post, I offer some suggestions for discussing this element effectively with the kiddos.

I have a funny memory of middle school. My choir teacher was saying something about how attendance at the performance was required and we could not get a passing grade if we didn't show up... and then she ended her sentence with the word: "Tonight." 

I gulped. How had I missed knowing about this?

Well, honestly, as the pit in my stomach sunk to my toes, I knew she had probably mentioned it before... and I had just disregarded it as "sometime in the future, but since it isn't then yet, I don't need to worry about it!"

While I try to appreciate the positives of my brain's built-in "live in the now!" feature, I also acknowledge the need to re-program it a little to include looking into the future... it just seems that they aren't too compatible. So I carry around a planner and I write the schedule on the white-board and make other obvious efforts to think ahead, but I'm sure when my loved ones are focusing on my faults, this is one they moan about. And my habit of eating all their chocolate.

Anyways, since the lack of planning and preparation has plagued me, I hope to save my children from the pain of neglecting the calendar... and here are some of the questions I ask during CLAP Interviews to help them plan ahead!

• What are some projects that you're working on for school? When are the due dates?
• When is your next piano recital? How is your practicing going with that?
• What kinds of belt loops are you working on for Webelos?
• What are some books you would like to read? When will you make time to read?
• What are some goals that you have to become a better person? How will you work on them?
• Here are the birthdays coming up of your cousins/siblings/etc... how will you celebrate with them? (I love the trinkets my kids make to give to their loved ones!)

CLAP Interview Questions about Attitude

In the initial post on attitude, I had this quote by Charles Swindoll which is SOOOO worth repeating:

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes."

 In CLAP Interviews, I want to help my kiddos draw their own conclusions. I phrase questions that require more than yes or no answers. I allow time for them to think about how they want to answer. I jot down notes so I can refer back to their answers later. I work to not be judgmental as I listen to their answers. I want them to be aware of their own wisdom...

Mama chose to have a good attitude in this situation!

Here are some questions I ask during the attitude portion of the CLAP interview:

• How has your attitude been lately in general?
• Tell me about a specific time when your attitude needed tweaking and you tweaked it.
• Tell me about a time when you were doing a difficult or yucky task, yet you had a good attitude.
• Tell me about someone whose attitude you notice affects their life.
• Think about *places* that have attitudes: happy places and places you want to avoid...
• Over the course of any given day, when is it easier to have a good attitude?
• Why would attitude affect an activity?
• How do you change your attitude when you know you need to?

More CLAP Interview Questions!

Note: If you're wondering why all the talk about applause, CLAP is actually an acronym representing the four basic food groups of nourishing a child's character. I made it up! I use it to help my kids figure out what to do with their free time: Chores, Learning, Attitude, and Planning. Click on the label on the right to read other posts on this theme! I do interviews with the kids (it's supposed to be weekly but doesn't always turn out that way... but that's okay! I keep using the system anyways, even if I use it imperfectly!) and that's when they get their allowance -- which we call Bank of Dad. Yesterday's post covered some good questions to ask about chores... today, I'll share questions about learning!

 I run the carpool on Wednesdays, and one of the boys told me that SCHOOL is an acronym for Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives. I hadn't heard that one! This is how I responded:

"I get it. I get it. I know why it's crappy. Because you don't have control.

• You don't get to pick what time you go to school. 
• You don't get to choose what teacher you have. 
• You don't have much say in what subjects you cover on any given day 
• or HOW you study those subjects. 
• You could try to say "no" to homework, but there's those durn grades your parents might use as leverage against your social life. 
• You don't get to talk whenever you want. 
• You can't get up and walk around whenever and wherever you want. 

I get it! But there is ONE thing that you still have control over... your attitude towards it all. You can choose to consider it all crappiness and continue to slog your way through each school day, daydreaming and wishing and not getting anything out of it... or... or..."

He said: "Or what?!" (Oh, good, I have his attention!)

I replied: "Yeah. Or what?" (I want him to answer it for himself...because the only real education is self-education.)

Kids (well, any of us, really) can be victims of their own short-sightedness. One of life's great truths that can be applied in almost every situation is:

Do a little, get a little. Do a lot, get a lot. 

Bada-bing, bada-boom! You might be thinking that the L in CLAP (Learning) is overlapping with the A (Attitude) in CLAP -- and you're right -- it does... because, as quoted in the initial post about Attitude here, Attitude is Everything.

So, often, the questions I ask to my children about the Learning facet of their lives are really about their attitude towards learning or to help them have a better attitude about it:

• What is something new you've been learning about?
• What is something old you've been learning new things about?
• What subject do you find most interesting? What specifically intrigues you about it?
• What subject do you find most difficult? How can you make it easier?
• Who is your favorite teacher and why?
• Where are some places that you learn that aren't school?
• What are some ways you learn that's not related to school?
• How does your brain think through writing an essay? doing a math problem?
• What do you know that I don't? Teach me!
• When does your brain feel the freshest and smartest? When does it feel worn out?
• When have you used something that you learned at school when you weren't at school? Be on alert for those moments and report to me next CLAP Interview!

Examples of C.L.A.P. interview questions

Note: C.L.A.P. is the acronym (for Chores, Learning, Attitude, and Planning) that I created to help myself some have clear direction in my attempts at mothering effectively. CLAP Interviews are when I discuss with each child individually each of these categories and them give them their allowance, or as we call it, Bank of Dad. Below are some questions that I have used in CLAP Interviews (see initial CLAP interview post here).

CHORES (aka Bless Our Home):

• What is your favorite way to bless our home? Your least favorite way?
• What is one chore that you find difficult? Which chore do you think is easiest?
• What kinds of things do you think about as you bless our home?
• Which of your siblings do you think has a talent for blessing our home? Why?
• Which of our Bless Our Home sayings helps you the most?
• If you were in charge of Blessing our home, how would you improve our system?

In order to keep the interviews to ten or twelve minutes, I only ask about two questions per letter of the acronym. 

As I formulate interview questions, I want to have open-ended ones that require more than a yes or no answer! As my children answer them, I make little notes in the CLAP notebook so I don't ask the same questions over and over every week... and I make little notes about their answers, too!

It's a little bit tricky not to be judgmental about their answers, and not to try to "fix" things (like when they get a chance to "complain" by telling me their least favorite chore). Sometimes, though, I ask if they can think of a solution to whatever problem and then follow up with them the next time we have a CLAP interview.

© Jameswimsel | Dreamstime Stock Photos &Stock Free Images

For very young children, I will play a little game, like charades. "Use your actions to do a pretend chore and see if I can guess it!" or the other way around -- I will do the charade and have them guess. Or I will ask, "If I want to bless the house by sweeping, what tool do I need?"

CLAP Interviews are something that I look forward to because I get to chat with each child and get to know their personalities a little better. And of course the children look forward to them because they get their money!!!

CLAP at Chitty-chitty BANG BANG

So, I've had rhyming mantras on the brain since Amy's comment requested more... and today I had the thrill of joining my family to see Chitty-chitty Bang-Bang at a LIVE THEATER -- how crazy is that?!

Our neighborhood theater is really quite high class, and generally they enforce an age limit. Today's performace was a special matinee when little ones could attend. I told my three-year-old that we were going to attend a play and could see the confusion in his eyes as I used this verb as a noun. I tried to explain: "It's like a movie, only in real-life!"

What fun to get to see his reactions to the costumes and the dancing and the fog and the incredible props -- including a flying car! Tickets weren't cheap, but I think it was worth every penny... We asked my husband's parents for help with the cost as his gift for Christmas -- thank you, wonderful in-laws! It was magical! (Oh, and the 3 y.o. is generally afraid of bad guys, but we met the Child Catcher afterwards, and my son reported to his grandmother that he was nice to us!)


Since I knew we would be coming home to do chores, ummm, I mean, BIG Bless Our House (what we call the Saturday, more-thorough version of housecleaning) I was excited to hear some good inspirational words...

Teamwork can make a dream work, if we all pitch in and try.
Teamwork can make a dream work, and no mountain is too high!

I must say... I LOVE the concept of a FAMILY TEAM!!!  Maybe it's the cheerleader in me that never really got to come out... although, I was a matmaid for the high school wrestling team (and we took state!) Anyways, teams are a great analogy, because every member of a team has a different role, but every member has the same goal!

© Paha_l | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Another couple of phrases that I like for those times when we're rolling up our sleeves and working:

"We're workers, not whiners!" (alliteration is almost as good as rhymes, right?)

"Things don't have wings, they can't fly back to shelves all by themselves" (lyrics from Wee Whispers)

How about you, friendly readers?! What kinds of clever rhymes or alliteration or otherwise have you found to be useful in the quest to motivate and inspire your family team?

C.L.A.P. Interviews

Note: C.L.A.P. is my happy little acronym to give structure to my maternal interactions with my kiddos... It is explained in some detail in any posts that have that label (this is the initial one). 

As a quick re-cap, C.L.A.P.is a great word to encourage my children in these four facets of their growth: Chores, Learning, Attitude, and Planning. More than being just a word, it is an action, and I actually do clap for them and they bow and it's fun! Even my one-year-old has an appreciation for applause and has learned to tilt her head in a mini-bow... adorabler than adorable, I tell you.

So, in previous posts (if you'd like to see them, click on the label on the right that says C.L.A.P.) I've set out my philosophy of why these particular areas of childhood are like the four food groups of character nourishment... but, you must be wondering, how do I "feed" the four food groups to my children? How do I create an appetite, so-to-speak, so that they'll want to C.L.A.P. for themselves even when mom's no longer around to run the program?

Oh, such a good question! It will take a couple of posts to answer it, and even then, it will always leave room for expansion based on comments and questions. Hey, remember, my goal is to write a book someday, and books are like, whoa, long, so gotta fill it up with good details!

© Mtoome | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

If only I could have video-taped today. My oldest son and I had some alone time together -- rare, and getting rarer! We decided to spend some of it having a C.L.A.P. interview... Well, I suggested it -- and he agreed because after the interview is when he gets his allowance (although we don't call it that... but since it is a fairly well understood term, for now it will do).

TJ is 12 and getting really good at opening up during C.L.A.P. interviews. He'll listen to the question I pose and thoughtfully consider how to answer. This is good! He ends up with more allowance than if he shrugs and moans through it!

I usually only ask one or two questions for each of the acronym letters, and try to keep the total interview to less than 10 minutes.

Over the course of the next few blog posts, I'll share with you the questions that I pose and other items we talk about and I'll also tell you the alternate word for allowance, because I know you've been quite curious about that!

Right now, though, my three-year-old is needing attention. I'm sure you understand!!!  TTFN!!!

C.L.A.P. for two-year-olds: P is for Persistence and Patience

Note: C.L.A.P. is an acronym that I originally created to help me structure my maternal work with my children (sounds official, doesn't it?!) I realized, though, that it generally applies to children kindergarten-age and older. So, I have figured out other words to still fit the acronym but apply to toddler-ages (which means, they apply to me and how I can interact with them effectively). Today is the final installment, looking at the letter P.

My three-year-old and I host Preschool Club every Monday morning. We have invited several of his friends and their mothers to join us for 6-8 short activities, usually theme-based, like colors, shapes, the five senses, opposites, left & right, etc. etc. Oh, and of course, we have a snack, too!

One of the regular attendees is a 2-year-old named Zack (names have been changed to protect the innocent!) Zack is, thus far, an only child, though his mom, Kassie, is expecting another son in April. Bless her heart! One of her facebook posts said something like: "It's crazy getting beat up on the inside and outside at the same time..." That gives you a feel for Zack's temperament!

I would like to hold Kassie up as a prime example of our "P" words today! She is ever-so-patient with Zack. He is constantly looking for something new to play with, especially something with buttons to push. He buzzes around from one toy to the next, often after experimenting with how far said toy will fly at what trajectory...

He has a long attention span in an unusual way: if his mother removes an object from him, he will get it back. Over and over and over and over... and over. Kudos to Kassie, though, because she is persistent right back! As many times as he grabs it, she takes it away. She's awesome!

I'm afraid I have to confess that my children have worn me down much faster and persistence and patience are things I am still practicing... even on my good days, I realize that being patient is kind of like shaving my legs. No matter how well I do it today, I still have to do it again tomorrow...

© Gabilungu | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

How do you keep your cool? What are your tricks to teach yourself patience? How about persistence? How do you get the energy to "win" when it comes to

C.L.A.P. at age two: Attention and Activities

Note: today's post continues the concept that two-year-olds need their own adaptation of the C.L.A.P. system, and this age that it is more about the mom than it is about the child! 

Two things come to mind when I think of the word attention.

© Postnikov | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

The first is from my four-year-stint in Marching Band during my teen years. When we were at attention, we were like those guards at Buckingham Palace! We weren't supposed to allow ourselves to get distracted by anything. We were taught to stand in a specific pose and no matter if we had an itch to scratch or if a bee just stung us or an earthquake was rumbling under our feet, we were expected to STAY at ATTENTION!!!

The second is the epidemic sweeping America: Attention-Deficit disorder. While I've never been diagnosed with this particular problem, I acknowledge that my brain has a hard time focusing sometimes -- in fact, my brother used to call me "Space-Cadet" because I would be wandering along in my thoughts oblivious to the conversation at hand. None of my children "officially" suffer, either, so I am definitely living up to my name as Clueless Mama on this subject.

According to Wikipedia, there is quite a bit of controversy associated with Attention-Deficit disorder. I will now add to the controversy by suggesting that our modern American lifestyle is creating the problem. We don't metaphorically stand at ATTENTION for very many of our activities anymore. We hustle and bustle in and out. We answer the phone, we text, we check email or facebook... We constantly have media, whether radio or TV or internet... So it seems to make sense to me that we have Attention-Deficit issues!

I have found great solace in activities like Yoga... have you ever participated, or encouraged your child(ren) to participate in this, oh, shall we call it exercise? or is it an art? or maybe even a form of worship?! I just feel like sighing Aaaaaahhhhhh when I think about it. I have a children's version on DVD that I am amazed with how it helps my children focus! AWESOME!

Another activity that I think builds the ability to stay at ATTENTION is reading. There's a cute poem out there -- oohh, here, I found it on this blog:

Richer than I you will never be-
I had a mother who read to me.
— Strickland W. Gillilan

It requires some discipline -- just like anything worthwhile. I confess that sometimes I still answer the phone when it rings during family reading. And sometimes we go a week or two without a good long family reading time. But in general, this is a habit that has served us well and I feel like all my children are good listeners because of it. Even the ones who roll around on the floor the whole time are able to make comments and apply it to life outside of reading time. And when that happens, this Clueless Mama gets another pat on the back!!!

We even give books for Christmas!

Our "Library" - the bean bags are a most important furnishing!

Catching up on the Car Classifieds! Reed, age 2 ish

Overall, it just seems to make sense that if we make an effort to pay attention, build attention, stay at attention, even under pressure of various distractions, then perhaps we won't have attention deficit... No guarantees, of course, but in the midst of tryin' out my theory, I sure get a lot of good snuggles and giggles and fun family memories!

What activities do you like to do WITH your young ones? How do you pay attention to them so that they'll build their attention levels?

C.L.A.P. for 2 year olds: Loving Language

Note: Today's post is a continuation of yesterday's assignment of different words for the C.L.A.P. acronym based on the fact that two-year-olds are their own little species!

L is for Loving Language

My analogy today is so much like yesterday's, you might think that my children are named Fido, Spot, and Poochie. In reality, despite being rather clueless, I DO know the difference between toddlers and puppies.

My family had a short stint of being dog owners. In the 9 months that we attempted living compatibly with a dog, we were amazed at how much he could understand. He could follow several little commands! I sometimes wondered what he would be able to repeat back to us if his tongue were humanized...

If we wanted to take the dog to the groomers, we didn't use that word anywhere in his general vicinity or he would no longer be anywhere in the general vicinity. Instead, we acted all excited-like and tricked him into jumping into the van and off we went.

Silver won a gold medal!

Toddlers are like our canine friends in this way. They can understand long before they can repeat anything, and they are tuned in to our tone-of-voice.

I have to keep this in mind whenever my little ones are in earshot. No matter how much I feel like complaining to Daddy on the phone about their messes, I have to realize that whatever words come out of my mouth will frame their self-identity.

So I pledge to use loving language as much as humanly possible! It's not easy, but it's good exercise for my brain. "How can I phrase this so that my toddler recognizes it as a behavior that I don't want repeated, but that I still love him?"

One phrase I've used over and over, Rover, is "Oh, I can see that you're still learning to..."

• use a tissue instead of your finger!
• listen to your body and run to the potty!
• clean up one toy before getting out another!
• touch the baby gently -- soft, soft!

Well, although I've been describing the similarities between dogs and children, the fact is, children are infinitely cuter (at least, mine are -- I guess I should speak for myself). They have far more potential than any puppy. Generally speaking, they smell better, too.

And they do eventually start repeating back whatever I've been saying to them all along. When my three-year-old holds my cheeks in his hands and rubs noses with me and says, "I love you, Mommy," I give my clueless self a pat on the back... I must be doing something right!

C.L.A.P. for two-year-olds

The C.L.A.P. system that I briefly introduced a few posts ago works pretty well in helping me channel my parenting efforts for my children ages 7-12. However, I currently also have a one year old and three year old -- average age: TWO.

Two-year-olds can't really do Chores (though they are the source of so many, many of Mommy's chores)...
They are still in that auto-Learn mode of life...
Generally speaking, their Attitude isn't up for discussion -- they're either tantrumming or they're not...
and maybe, just maybe they can look ahead enough to Plan for a snack after naptime...

So, this Clueless Mama has decided I need to make up all new meanings for the acronym C.L.A.P. -- and have them apply to ME and how I can effectively handle my little ones in their younger stage of life without pulling my hair out!

C - Calm Confidence
L - Loving Language
A - Attention! and activities
P - Persistence & Patience

When I was in elementary school, my sister and I had to walk a LOOOOOONNNNG ways to the bus stop. We had to pass Murf the Smurf.

Guess what? Murf was neither blue nor tiny. He was a German Shepherd. We had given him the nickname for our own benefit -- so that we could hopefully convince ourselves that we did not fear him. Because dogs can smell fear.

And guess what? Two-year-olds can smell it too! Somehow they know when I am feeling Clueless, and that's when they attack!!

So, just like I tried to use a method of fake-it-'til-ya-make-it back when Murf was barking his head off at us, I now-a-days tell myself lies about how I CAN HANDLE THIS CHILD. I am bigger, I am smarter, and I CAN MAKE GOOD CHOICES AND CARRY THEM OUT!

© Yarko12 | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Isn't it funny that at all other times in our lives, tests are administered

1. after we've been taught the subject material and 
2. by someone older and wiser than we are! 

Once we enter motherhood, however, our two-year-olds are testing us all the time!

"Will my Clueless Mama react the same way EVERY time I flush things down the toilet?"

I suppose that's where the "Calm" part of the acronym comes in... it takes SOOOO much practice, but I can see that when I'm NOT calm, whatever I'm trying to teach gets lost in my baby's concern over my temper tantrum. (The Rose in this photo seems so perfect to illustrate the Calmness!)

Calm -- stay calm -- count to ten -- use a robot-voice -- whatever it takes! And, no matter how Clueless I'm feeling, ACT confident enough to fool my two-year-old into trusting me to take care of the situation!

Dedicated to Sarah

My friend Sarah visited me this past week. It was one of those bittersweet times because she's moving... TO AUSTRALIA, probably not gonna be makin' back to the land up over anytime soon.

Sarah and I met tennish years ago, when we attended church together. We were working on a volunteer-basis together, heading the women's society, and we had so many of those "great minds think alike" moments that we soon started to hang out even more than we had to!

I loved hearing her talk because she has that Australian accent. As we chatted -- that easy flow of conversation between friends -- we found out that we have the same anniversary: we got married -- to our respective husbands -- on the same day, one year apart.

As of now, though, only one of us celebrates that anniversary.

Sarah's husband, who also attended church with us and happened to be at the head of the men's society, had the outward appearance of any respectable man. As she put it, he looked good in a suit, had a friendly smile and a firm handshake. So when Sarah and I were walking together one day, soon after establishing our friendship, I was absolutely shocked when our conversation went something like this:

ME: "I'm so pleasantly surprised at how marriage has turned out to be so fun! Society sure gives it a bad rap -- all that ball-and-chain stuff -- but I've thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it!"

SARAH: "Ohhh, quite the opposite for me. I always thought it would be a dream, but it's turned out to be a nightmare."

She went on to describe the verbal and physical abuse that she was enduring. There were no real red flags during their courtship, but within days of their wedding she had to ask herself if she had made a mistake.

My heart was getting weighed down with sorrow for this beautiful woman. The weight seemed even heavier when she swore me to secrecy for fear of the backlash if he ever found out that she had tarnished his image.

So I prayed for her. And she prayed for herself! And she prayed for her husband... how sad that the "pray for your enemies" thing applied to her in such an intimate way.

Within a year and a half, we had each moved away to different parts of the same state.  We sometimes sent emails to each other, but visited far too sparsely to really keep up. One way I know she's a treasure of a friend is that when we would get together, conversation just picked right up and we fell easily back into that comfort zone of friendship.

Well, eight years and four children later, she had a God-given epiphany, releasing her of her resolve to stay married in spite of the circumstances. Her baby wasn't even a month old! She left the material things, took the children and their clothing, and found a safe, albeit small, place in a basement apartment.

She willingly allowed him to see the children -- after all, he hadn't ever victimized them. After awhile, however, it became clear that perhaps he was starting to verbally assault their self-images and their relationship with their mother. They would return home after the weekends with him with visibly depressed countenances... before too long, however, he quit coming to get them and even stopped answering the phone when he saw their number on caller-ID.

She signed up for paralegal training, only to discover during her internship that she didn't really want to work in a law office. But God had led her to do that training so that she would feel more capable as she dealt with all of the divorce proceedings -- and other legal paraphenalia she would be afflicted with as she tried to sever ties with this man who had dug deep holes of debt and even had the FBI knocking at her door looking for him.

It just so happened that he hadn't sweet-talked anyone into paying his bail yet, so the papers got served to him in jail -- the ones that indicated she would be taking the children to Australia (where she's from) to live with her extended family. He has sixty days to show up and argue -- but he probably won't bother to do that considering the warrants out for his arrest.

What's beautiful about Sarah and her situation is that she has really been blessed to feel a sense of love for this man who is seems only to have earned hate! This love is not the romantic love that sadly withered so quickly once the abuse began. It's a Godly love that allows her to hope he changes -- not for her sake, but for his own sake.

I want to make her the poster girl for charity -- the pure love of Christ. Despite the abuse she suffered at the hands of this man who was supposed to cherish her, she has no bitterness. Not that she would ever accept a proposal from him again! Forgiveness and trust are two different, separate things that are given or earned independent of each other, and under their own conditions.

© Rafalolechowski | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I will miss Sarah. Of course, we'll keep in touch about as well as we have over the last ten years... And I'll probably go to her yard sale to see her one last time and buy a souvenir of our friendship! It will have to be a lamp, a symbol of how knowing her has lit up my life.

E in SMILE... should be for eating...

For the first time in my life, I joined a book club! Having never belonged to one before, I'm not sure if the potluck part of it is normal or not... but it's sure great! Such a delight to get together with other mothers and discuss uplifting and interesting material. And eat. Yum!

Interestingly, the woman who started the book club ten years ago shared her story of how it started. She had been trying to get one going for two or three years and only got sparse attendance. Then she added the potluck element... All of a sudden, she had so many moms showing up that she had to limit the number to 25!

So, I admit, the "E" in S.M.I.L.E. really should be for eating. It makes me feel better to remember back to when I was hosting the convention for which I originally made up the S.M.I.L.E. acronym, I did make sure that a hot catered lunch was included in the price... I wonder how many women signed up just for that?!

Eating makes me happy. (The Clueless Mama's baloney-face)

Alas, the "E" is NOT for eating. It is for Education. And that works out in the end... After all, similar to nourishment for the body, education is essential to feeling healthy in the brain.

I've noticed that my brain does, indeed, get hungry! No, no, no, not in a weird zombie-eat-your-brains kind of way.... You know the saying: "She has a real appetite for learning!" That was written about the Clueless Mama herself! I happen to know that if my gray matter isn't getting fed every once in a while, it gets very mushy and starts leaking out my ears and I serve it to my kids for breakfast on oatmeal day. Oooohh, gross, sorry... I guess I did end up talking in the weird zombie-eat-your-brains kind of way....

The fact is, I don't like being clueless. I don't like being in a situation with my kiddos that I don't know how to handle. I don't like feeling inadequate and inexperienced. And I KNOW that there are MILLIONS of mothers out there who HAVE a clue! They have been in exactly the same situations with their children and they have figured out how to handle it! They have experience and adequacy that I want to beg, borrow, or steal -- and feed to my starving brain!!!

Mothering is not something colleges offer a Ph.D. program in. Graduation from high school isn't even necessary before you can bring a baby into the world. The lack of education required for motherhood simply does not match the job description... we cradle-rockers need to know what the heck we're doing because the next generation will be affected by our actions whether we want to admit it or not.

I will now climb down off my soapbox and go on my date with my husband. TTFN!

The "L" in S.M.I.L.E.

The above video is two minutes and 51 seconds long. If you don't have time to watch all of it, just skip to the last 30 seconds or so and see if you can find out WHY it is appropriate for this post...

CONFESSION:
In my mothering life, I AM TOO MUCH LIKE MARY POPPINS, and for heaven's sakes, I need to just let up, let loose, and LAUGH!!!! Too often I cop the 'tude of seriousness displayed so well here by Ms. Poppins (though I don't think I've ever had such a distaste for laughers. ... She comes off quite disturbed, doesn't she? Keeping the children from laughing, even!).

Come on, Mary, let's you and me lighten up! Unlike you, I'm not going to leave my kiddos when the wind changes, so I'd better learn to enjoy the time I have with them.

Laughter has become one of the instruments in my Mom-Sanity Tool Kit. I've learned that hitting myself over the head is a sure-fire giggle-maker!

It makes sense, doesn't it, for one of the letters in the word SMILE to mean Laugh? Laugh and smile aren't really synonyms -- they aren't completely interchangeable... I often smile without laughing. Yet if I laugh without smiling, I find that it's a poisonous kind of laugh -- the kind that hurts me or the people I'm around... ya know, the kind of laughing bullies do on the playground. I have to make a conscious effort not to allow that kind of laughter in my home. Period.

And sometimes I have to make a conscious effort to create the right kind of laughter -- the kind that bonds us all together, like Uncle Albert and the children. It doesn't quite seem right that laughter sometimes feels like a duty, but hey, at least it's a fun duty! And it's worth the effort!

When I'm having a hard time being motivated to laugh, it helps to think of it as multi-tasking, because somewhere I heard that laughing burns calories...

So, let's end with a joke! How about a good old-fashioned knock-knock joke.

You start it...

There is no I in SMELL

Today I will share a birth story.

Are you thinking: "Man, this Clueless Mama sure is GRAPHIC -- she writes about poop, vomit, and now blood and private body parts!"

Allow me to calm your fears by specifying that I will share the story of the birth of...

 the S.M.I.L.E. acronym

                                        ... and luckily, there was no blood or birth-related-body areas involved.

Back in 2005, when I was organizing a mothering convention, I decided I needed to be able to articulate the purposes of the convention, so that when I asked speakers to come, I could give them a clear vision of how/why/what, etc. The four words that I boiled it down to were Support, Motivation, Education, and Laughter.

Being an unabashed acronym lover, I could "SMELL" the start of an acronym, but it was obviously incomplete -- and a little bit embarrassing. Yes, I confess, as a mother, I do smell. I smell dirty diapers, I smell dinner burning... and I sometimes smell LIKE dirty diapers... but that just was not going to promote the convention in the right way...

So I moved some letters around and realized that if I could just add an I-word, then labor would be over and the acronym would be born! Puuuuuuuushhhhhhhh...

INSPIRATION!

Originally, I thought that "motivation" and "inspiration" were redundant, but a Clifford CD-ROM taught me there is a difference. (Yes, I strive to learn new things in any situation, even while helping my three-year-old play on the computer with his favorite Big Red Dog).

Motivation is about forces (innies or outies) that get us to ACT, to DO something that needs to be DONE.

Inspiration is about wanting to improve and enjoy what we already are doing.

I can be motivated to do the laundry because it's neither comfortable nor socially acceptable to be naked (oh, no, another questionable graphic)... but I can be inspired to do the laundry because I love the smell of my fabric softener or because seeing my children in stain-free clothing is a feeling of triumph!

© Fotokolosov | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Do you see the difference? Being inspired puts a touch of glory into your duty. (Don't tell my daughters that I just used the word "duty" -- the Wreck-It Ralph movie has forever made that a potty word... and my apologies to those of you who have not yet been affected!)

Reader friend, can I ask you about cooking? What motivates you to get it done, and what inspires you to do it well?

The "M" in the SMILE acronym... it's like a belly-button

Motivation is like Bellybuttons

For today's post, my one-year-old was willing to bear her belly-button as a visual for us as we discuss the "M" in the S.M.I.L.E. acronym -- the M for Motivation.

What Motivates the Clueless Mama, you may ask... and what in the world could it have to do with belly-buttons?!

Well, I've discovered that my motivation comes from two places: outside forces and inner voices. Navels, as you know, come in two kinds: outies and innies. So, there you go!

An example of an outside force that motivates me is a stinky diaper. Don't worry -- I won't go into too much descriptive detail... Suffice it to say that the scent of poop in the air gets me up out of my chair. (I'm married to a poet so that poopy rhyme is dedicated to him!)

An example of an inner voice that motivates me is the Coach in my head who is constantly rallying me to win. I know I can't win if I choose to sit out of the game... so I get up and go do what needs to be done ***even when I don't feel like it.

"But I don't feel like it" is my inner whiney voice that gets smacked around severely scolded by my inner Coach. I have to chant "I'm doin' it ANYWAY" ten times loudly to make my inner Coach happy... and it works! Try it sometime!

Amidst all of the repetitive tasks of motherhood, the mundane day-to-day ins-n-outs of running a household, this Clueless Mama needs some motivation. Sometimes the outies are more effective than the innies... but either way, it's something that gets me moving when the moving needs to happen.

Gimme an "S!" (the SMILE acronym)

As I was mulling over what I might say about the first letter in my "SMILE" acronym -- "Support," -- a greeting card came to mind about how good friends are like good bras... yeah, well, I suppose talking about over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders shouldn't be beneath me. I've talked about vomit! I'm a mom! Is there anything off-limits?

Actually, this little bantering in my own head about "what will people think?!" really gets to the root of reasons why we moms might NOT reach out and give *or get* the Support we need... We're too worried about judgements of our co-workers!

Think how nice it would be to come together after a long week of being in charge, running a household... We'd pile up a plate of refreshments (plenty of chocolate), hug each other and do that little kiss-in-the-air-near-your-cheek thing that's so endearing. We'd introduce ourselves, a little apprehensively:

"Hi, I'm Regan, and I'm a mom. It's been 12 years now. And I... still... make mistakes." The rest of you wonderful mom-friends would make sweet little noises that were like verbal pats-on-the-back.

Then we'd talk about one of the twelve steps...

Oooooohhhh, I just hit on another way to extend this blog! I'll make up a Momaholics Anonymous program! (Not that I ever worried I'd run out of material about mothering -- but this is BONUS that I'm creating *more* material as I go!!)

I pledge (repeat after me) to allow myself and the mothers in my life to learn from our mistakes in the safety and comfort of unconditional love in the no-judgement zone of my Mothering Support Group.

© Racnus | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I am so blessed to be able to list off several wonderful women (and the Main Man in my life) who make up my personal Mothering Support Group. Please, as you ponder the people who support you in your motherly role, list me, the Clueless Mama! I'm here for ya, gal!

And yet another acronym...

Well, I've taken time to briefly introduce you, friendly reader, to each element of my happy C.L.A.P. acronym! QUICK QUIZ: can you remember what each letter stands for??? Here are some hints:

C - we would rather say "Bless Our House" but it doesn't work with the acronym
L - innate from birth, yet a sad distaste grows for it as the child grows...
A - one of the few things over which we truly have complete control
P - why calendars were invented

How did you do? Well, C.L.A.P. for yourself!

Now that I've put forth the foundational aspects of C.L.A.P. for kids, I'll just cycle through and add things as they come up in my household. If I get bored of that, I can also write about Moms R Us (Remember that acronym? -- It's actually TWO acronyms together -- I've really outdone myself this time...) and each element of R.A.I.S.E. and so on and so forth.

Oooohhh, I have another acronym that I made up some years ago when I was Chairmom of the Motherboard of the Successful Mothering Convention. The purposes of the convention were neatly wrapped up in a S.M.I.L.E.

You're just wondering, aren't you.... what could those five letters have hiding behind them???

How about  that be today's blog post?!

Remember my goal to K.I.S.S. -- well, that means I will simply reveal what those letters stand for without going into great detail... in THIS post, anyways! Hopefully the anticipation for more information will keep you coming back!!!

S - Support
M - Motivate
I - Inspire
L - Laugh with
E - Educate

Hmmmm, all this KISS and SMILE stuff is getting my brain thinking about what other activities we do with our lips that could become acronyms...

My family and other ways I spend my time

So, dear blog reader, are you curious about me? Wanna know my history? My credentials? My family details? My favorite food? My natural habitat?

If not, stop reading now!

If so, I can't imagine why...
                      ...but I love to talk about myself (who doesn't?) and since I have a willing listener in you as a reader, here goes!

Here is a lovely family photograph when Aki, our foreign exchange daughter from Japan, was still with us... While this is certainly lovely, I think of it as the sort of picture that makes people wonder, "So, what are these people REALLY like?" So here goes some more, ummmm, characteristic photos...

Well, we are REALLY happy! I love these smiles!

We are REALLY fun -- I mean, DOUBLE trampolines?! (okay, okay, they don't belong to us...)

We are REALLY serious about crime-fighting, 

from a very early age.

We are double-headed monsters. Really.

REALLY????  No, of course not.

We are happy little workers! Check out that apron!

And everyone always comments about our big eyes.

My name is Regan Barnes. I was born in 1976, so I am nearing an age of wisdom and trying to build up the gray matter on the inside of my head to match the growth of my gray hair on the outside of my head.
In terms of formal education, in 1993 I graduated #3 from Lawrence North High School in Indianapolis, Indiana. Ya know, there's Valedictorian in the #1 spot, Salutatorian in the #2 spot, and then there's me -- #3 -- no title, but that's okay -- I got scholarships to go to Indiana University-Purdue University at Indianapolis even without the title. I eventually received my bachelor's degree from there -- it took me 8 years because I changed my major so many times... Art! Broadcast journalism! Pre-med! Education! Russian! Linguistics!

I also took a break to be a missionary in Russia for 18 months, and did a couple of semesters at Brigham Young University where I met an amazingly wonderful and awesome man named Ted Barnes. I became his wife just before Y2K and have had the best century/millennium ever!

We are honeymooning in West Valley City, Utah where he works full-time for our church and I work full-time for our home (he gets paid monetarily; I get paid in other ways). We have six adorable and highly intelligent children -- three boys and three girls, ages 12, 10, 7, 7, 3, and 1. They have taught me so, so, so, so much and have made my commitment to motherhood so worthwhile. I publicly thank them for accepting me in my clueless mama state and allowing me to improve and progress (which means making errors, too) on their watch. One of them is asleep on my lap as I type...

We're a very social family and choose to share our 7-bedroom home (which we got after it was someone else's foreclosure) with my mother! ...as well as a foreign exchange student! ...as well as two wonderful young women who help me with childcare and chores! While I "excuse" myself to get help because I have been diagnosed with arthritis and fibromyalgia, I would recommend this set-up for anyone, regardless of suffering from some debilitating disease. It's fun! It lowers stress levels and keeps life from being exhausting and mundane, though there is certainly a necessary amount of flexibility and clear communication required. Oh, and I can't neglect to mention my husband's parents who live just 20 minutes away and are incredibly loving and helpful!

I named my blog "The Clueless Mama" because, well, I'm aware that I'm not an expert by any means. However, I am enthusiastically attempting to overcome my sense of inadequacy, and want to empower and encourage myself and maybe some other moms along the way. I am hoping this blog will give moms a S.M.I.L.E. -- Support, Motivation, Inspiration, Laughter, and Education!  (Oh, and by the way, I love acronyms)...

Thanks for reading and please feel free ask me anything! I'll tell you what I know, and I'll also tell you when I just plain don't know... and then I'll try to find out and learn together with you.

P - Planning Ahead

Note: This is the final installment in a series of posts that are looking at the elements of my awesome (if I do say so myself) acronym, C.L.A.P. for kids! The C is for chores, the L is for Learning, the A is for Attitude, and the P is for Planning Ahead... which is today's discussion!

For some reason, I always, *always* -- as in, I STILL -- struggle with seeing past the current moment. Now, in some ways, this is a strength -- I don't tend to stress too much about the future 'cuz I'm too busy taking care of the present. There's a scripture about that...

However, this backfires sometimes because some of the present worries and concerns could have been avoided, or at least been of lower intensity, had I looked ahead and planned a little... There's a scripture about that, too...

So, as I developed this C.L.A.P. system, I determined positive things from my life that I could pass on to my children (like the importance of a good attitude) as well as, speaking quite humbly, mistakes from my life that I wanted my children to avoid.

Of course, I'm aware that my actions speak louder than my words, so I've been working on this little element of planning ahead. I run a household planning meeting every Sunday night and it has worked wonders in giving myself a heads up about what kinds of phone calls I need to make, times I might need help with childcare, when I can squeeze in a date with my main man, food items to grab from the store, etc. etc. etc.

I just use a slightly-bigger-than-pocket-size calendar that sells at the dollar store during back-to-school season for -- you guessed it -- one dollar! Heck, I think I've hit a jackpot of a deal considering the value I get out of that dollar in terms of how much planning ahead has made my life better. I like that I can see the whole week on one spread... oh, I'm getting too detailed... let's get back to C.L.A.P. for kids...

© Rmackay | Dreamstime Stock Photos &Stock Free Images

Now, I don't require my children to attend my personal planning meeting, but I do encourage them to hold their own little calendaring session, thinking ahead about their scouting goals and homework that needs to be finished up and how to spend their free time. Everyday, one of the priorities they have to check off before they have privileges, is Look Ahead. This encourages them to recognize that their whole lives lie before them, and give a little thought as to how they might want to use their time, developing talents and skills that will pay off in the long run. Things are so much more likely to happen if they're scheduled in.

I guess that's what I'm trying to get around to saying -- that it's all about an investment of time so we end up with that satisfying sense of accomplishment and responsibility that too often doesn't get achieved by happy-go-lucky types like me.

We Interrupt this Series of Posts...

I will refrain from making the "emergency" signal BLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP, because it's a little TOO annoying, and this isn't a real emergency. If it were, this blog would self-destruct so you could peel yourself away from the computer to deal with the real emergency.

However, today, being International Women's Day, we will focus on the wondrousness of womanhood, and continue with the "C.L.A.P." acronym details tomorrow.

Ahhhh, women, what is it about them? (Me, us?) Is it something in their outward appearance, like their friendly smile and twinkling eyes? Or is it something invisible, but smellable perhaps -- like flowery fragrance? I suppose it could just be their estrogen levels...

I think it is all this -- plus the element we can't really name or claim that makes a woman more than the sum of her parts. It is that she is God's crowning creation! She continues His creation with each child she bears and/or rears. She touches lives, both physically -- using her hands to make meals and fold laundry -- and spiritually -- using her heart to spread joy and mend the broken hearts around her. 

Bless you this day and every day, women. Know that you are, at once, uniquely and universally amazing, wonderful, and divinely blessed. Embrace your femininity! Honor it and allow it to be honored and give the glory to God!