My Son, the Super Hero

Our church held a fun family 5K, including prizes -- not just for the winners, but a drawing for anyone who showed up, whether we ran or not.

My heart got a big smile in it that day, watching my oldest son.

 He ran, and didn't win. But his ticket number got called during the drawing...

Instantaneously, without even thinking about it, he handed it over to his three year old brother, who had been studying his own ticket to try to figure out the numbers.

 What word can we say to adequately describe the younger one's excitement? THRILLED, DELIGHTED, OVERJOYED... that might give you a hint!

 Well, I won the next number -- and decided to follow my older son's example. Then the three-year-old's own ticket won. Wow! Third time's a charm!

His arms were full with his prizes -- two fancy water bottles and a cooler-style lunchbox -- but his eyes were full of... what? Love, yes... something else, though... wonder, perhaps? Oh -- Enchantment! I think that's it... and the gratitude was aimed at his big brother.

 Maybe it seems like a little thing. Isn't it great, though, that he can be a super hero by doing little things?!

Right Nearby

So, we went to the cabin this past week (hence the lack of posts).

We're pretty much unplugged up there in terms of 21st century technology. There's a VHS/DVD player that we make use of, and cell phone reception (though mine isn't smart, so no internet)...

 Overall, it's like a whole different life! Slower, simpler... and just us and the spiders and squirrels (with the occasional deer and moose). No errands to run, fewer chores to crack the whip about, pretty much zero schedule...

 Well, now we're home and settling back in, noticing the pros and cons between the two different lifestyles. 

Something that I'm enjoying that seems to be enhanced by our week away together is that my children like to be near me. Right now, as I catch up on emails and as I'm typing this post, my two littlest ones are keeping in close proximity. The baby climbs up on my lap now and then to nurse; the three year old asks me to "Look what I can do!" as he perfects some bodily contortion. Overall, though, they are content to play -- sometimes with each other, but mostly in their own little world -- as long as they have Mom in sight.

 That's what it means to me to have a happy family. We might not always be interacting and playing together, but we like to be in the same vicinity. We like to look up from whatever's keeping us busy and see each other's familiar faces. We have our own agendas, but they include keeping an eye on one another, watching out for each other's safety. We encourage each other and ask for help as necessary, knowing someone who loves us is nearby and willing to at least try to help us solve our problems.

 I'm feeling so blessed to become aware of this element of "happy family." I feel like my week at the cabin helped my vision of a happy family get a little clearer, sharper, and in focus!

 Dear family, I love us!!!

Father's Day!

I have some happy memories of my own father. I don't really have any bad memories of him -- other than registering that he was leaving and then acknowledging that he never showed up much after that.

Through the power and grace of my Heavenly Father, I've forgiven my earthly father, and even felt a sense of sadness for his sake, for memories he hasn't developed through the years that five awesome children and 20 grandchildren could have given him.

I also have happy memories of several other men throughout my life who stepped in and did what my dad couldn't/wouldn't... Thank you, Mark Roach, Mr. Preston, Brother Catts, Kevin, Brother Gallacher, Bruce Van Orden, Grampa Frank....

I have so many, many happy memories and current joys seeing my husband be the most loving, amazingly selfless father to our children. Thank you, husband!!!

I'm wanting to embed a video, but this is new to me, so I'm hoping it will work! Click on the "Thanks, KSL" below...

  Thanks, KSL, for a great video that says just what I would want to say.

"You don't always listen to me, Mom"

My three-year-old was being his precious self, wanting to be nearby as his baby sister was nursing, and wanting to have some kind of connection, too. He leaned over and gave her a kiss, and I was so inspired, I leaned over and gave him a kiss. It was a little circle of love.

Then he started talking, since all that mushiness couldn't last the whole nursing session. He was chatting about his gerbil and his friends and what he wants to do and...

I smiled at him, rather absently, mostly thinking about how adorable he is and how smart he is... and he caught me!

"So, then I go and ask someone else," he said. This part registered.

I responded: "Oh, instead of asking me?"

"Well, Mom, I try to ask you things but sometimes you don't know what I'm talking about."

I held back a giggle. He was right! And I was also happy that he didn't say that *I* don't know what I'm talking about.

Well, as cute as the moment was, I'll accept it also as a teaching moment... that if my 3-year-old knows when things are going in one of my ears and out the other, then for sure my other kids can tell, too.

I pledge to listen better, give better answers to my children's questions, and not just be there physically, but mentally, too.

The Balance I Haven't Yet Found

Tonight, I was headed down the stairs, and there in the "downstairs basket" (where we put items that are waiting to go down with us) were two pairs of socks.

 One pair was mine. I'm allowed to put my socks there because I am the ONLY person who ever grabs things out of the downstairs basket.

The other pair of socks seemed so lonely without my pair. They seemed to ask ever-so-politely if they could come downstairs with me.

I wanted to scream, "NO! I will not touch someone else's sweaty socks. It's bad enough to touch my own!"

Then I wanted to yell "Truman! Go put your socks in the right place!" But he was asleep, so I didn't yell.

Instead, I started thinking: Should I go ahead and grab his socks and stick them in the sock bag? Wouldn't that be a kind act of service? He's not awake to notice, and his brain is not yet connected to his feet, so he wouldn't even think about it if he was awake. But do acts of service have to be noticed?

I have sort of excused myself from doing too many acts of service. For one thing, my body hurts and I am constantly using that as a reason not to bend over and pick up the myriad toys and other items all over the floor. For another thing, I want my children to learn to pick up after themselves so that their future families don't suffer from this same inner turmoil I am trying to describe: "To just clean it up, or not to -- that is the question!"

I laughed when I first saw the note posted by the roommates: "Clean up after yourself: your mama doesn't live here." But now that I'm the mama, I don't think it's so funny.

In trying to find balance, like a see-saw, I definitely teeter on the end of making them do it. I try not to yell about it -- just use a robot voice... and every once in a great while, when I totter and decide to do it for them, I go ahead and tell them (with love) so they're aware that it wasn't a magic wand...

Feel the Rhythm

I am a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. That's my nature, and it's not all bad. However, it doesn't contribute much to my goals of a non-chaotic home and life.

I have spent a good portion of my adult life figuring out how to have some consistency to put a little structure in my life (and the lives of my kiddos). I got annoyed with myself when I tried to time everything and stick to a clock-dictated schedule.

So, I figured out something that has worked fairly well that doesn't really tie me down to a minute-by-minute must-do rigid itinerary. Which is impossible anyway.

I call it "Rhythm!" Ooh, can you feel it? Are you bouncin' in your seat to the magical mom beat? Oh, yeah. Rhythm. Hear the saxophone sing it to ya! Adds a little jazz to the day while harmony and melody and, well, rhythm and rhyme help me know how to spend my time.

I use meals as milestones (which may explain my expanding waistline). Naps come after meals. And "clean-the-scene" helps me stay a little ahead of messes... though there is still enough mess to need daily maintenance done by kiddos old enough to do chores.

Wake up, shower, read scriptures with the family, breakfast, send off -- with deliberate hugs -- those who leave for school or work, get piano practicing started, get dressed (gotta fit that in somewhere!), walk the girls to school, change diaper and put baby down for morning nap, read my own scriptures, clean the kitchen, make & serve lunch, pick the girls up from school, work with them on math, boys come home from school, everyone bless the house, change the diaper and put baby down for afternoon nap, family reading, daddy comes home, dinner, clean the kitchen, baths, alone time, bedtime. Whew.

Ya might notice that "change the diaper" is only in there twice. Well, she gets more clean diapers than that -- I just have to purposely do it before naptime so she doesn't sleep soggy! But that's a good example of how I've had to teach myself little tricks and patterns and routines to help my overall mommy score. And I mean that musically, not athletically!

I try to be fluid, like a good improv pianist, who can still make a song out of the random notes thrown at him by his band. That's what rhythm means to me as a mom!

What's your rhythm like?

Complainin' Kids

Whining.

What can I say?

I love the whiners who do it, but I seriously hate the whining.

Unfortunately, I whine. I hear myself and think, "No wonder my kids are whiners!" How can I expect them to live up to the "No Whining" standard that I don't even achieve?

I was a placid child who never whined (according to my mother). Really, though, I remember a certain thought process when I was maybe ten years old. My younger sister was whining, and I listened carefully and thought... "Hmmmm, maybe I should learn how to talk like that, and then I'll get more of what I want more often!"

I whine at my kids. "Why don't you put the trash in the trash can?" When I find bandaid wrappers or candy foils or various other little trashy items on the floor.

"Why don't you put your shoes where they belong?" After I've tripped on them.

"Stay out of my mom-cave!" When I can't find a pair of scissors.

Well, I'm workin' on it. I recognize it to be a horrible method of communication that doesn't actually accomplish the goal of changing behavior. I'm diligently striving to quit complaining and whining and replace it with something else...

For myself, when I feel like whining, I turn on my robot voice. 

For my kids, when they whine at me, I've decided to meet complaints with compliments and encouragement.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"But Ma-ahmmm," because the word Mom becomes two syllables in Whine Language. "But Ma-ahhmmm, I don't wanna clean up my room."

In response, I use a sing-songy, smiley voice: "Oh, Esther, you are the room-cleaning champion. You've cleaned it so thoroughly in the past. I know you can do it again! Here, I'll help you for a few minutes, and we can turn on the timer and turn it into a race!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"But Ma-ahmmm, you never let me have friends over/watch TV/go swimming/eat cheetos/paint my toenails...."

"Oh, Karina, you are so blessed to have some structure in your life. You get to earn those privileges, and you have done such a good job earning them before. Let's get your piano practice done -- which you're excellent at -- so you can invite a friend over!"

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I will tell you honestly that it doesn't always change their disposition. I sometimes still have to point out the out-of-tune-violin-tone to their voice, and ask them politely to re-phrase their whiney request using a different voice. That can be fun! I have a bag of "voices" they can choose from:

Newsbroadcaster
Cheerleader (with actions)
Underwater
Elmer Fudd
Football Team/Pro-wrestler
Baby
Opera Singer
British or Southern Accent
Frog Croak
Dying Breath
Yodeling
Robot

Just tryin' to change the tone... it's a constant battle, but I want to use the right weapons -- ones that won't kill the relationship, just the whining.

Kitchen Principle #5

What would be a list of kitchen princples if at least one didn't address WHAT we eat, in terms of nutritional value?! After all, that is the end goal, right?! I know it is for me. Well, that AND taste. Yum!

So, kitchen principle number five is (drumroll please...)

Whole Foods, Natural Colors, and Can You Tell Where it Came From?!

As I've delved and dabbled in the various nutrition forums, I've been turned off sometimes by the complexity or the extremism. It seems that we'd all become anorexic if we embraced every concept of food safety and tried to avoid anything that's ever been nay-sayed by any group. I'm not vegan, vegetarian, raw, or gluten-free, though I value what these groups bring to the table (ha, ha, get it?) and I own recipe books of such authors. And sometimes I trade money for food at a drive-thru window.

Overall, I wanted to simplify and make it possible to go ahead and keep eating but be aware of what we're stuffin' down the ol' cake hole -- and try to make sure it's not too much cake.

Whole Foods: this is NOT an endorsement of a particular place to shop. This means focusing on foods that haven't been processed beyond recognition. If we were to visit a wheat field, it would be brown. Therefore, it makes sense for bread to be brown. Eating foods in states fairly close to how they were grown is ideal.

I'm not encouraging a completely raw diet, but it sure simplifies life to realize that you don't have to cook every vegetable before you eat it! I'm not a great chef, and I've embraced that about myself, and go ahead and pat myself on the back for making sure we have dark leafy greens at dinner every night -- even if it's simply spinach. Kids can add dressing!

Natural Colors: these key words steer me away from many, many products at the grocery store... like Fruit Snacks. And instead, we end up eating real fruit! Most of the real fruit we eat is not neon, like fruit snacks tend to be.

Can You Tell Where it Came From? This phrase simply helps my children with the first two phrases -- a simple question they can ask themselves (and answer?) to determine if it's a whole food or so incredibly processed that they have no idea what the ingredients might be. For the ones who can read, I also teach them to read the labels on boxed foods... if there's an ingredient they can't pronounce or that doesn't get used in a regular kitchen like our own, that's a red-flag-warning that they are about to consume something that might turn around and consume them back!

That reminds me of a funny song -- "Ghost Chickens In the Sky" by moosebutter! Enjoy during dinner!

Time in the Kitchen

There's a funny little cyclical relationship that exists with mommies and kitchens -- meaning, one element leads to the next, then that one leads to another, which eventually leads back to the original one... Makes me think of a doggie chasing his tail...

It is difficult to sum it up into one pithy principle. Maybe after you've read about it, you'll be struck with inspiration and you can share how to wrap this all up into one statement.

Basically, if I am too busy with non-mommy things, I spend too little time in the kitchen. Therefore, I end up buying fast food or pizza or whatever. Then, I notice I don't have enough money, so I pursue more non-mommy stuff to try to make a little extra dough, which makes me too busy for kitchen-time, so I buy convenience foods, which are far too expensive, and then I don't have enough money again.

I own a recipe book called "Dining on a Dime" in which the author, Tawra Kellam, says dirty dishes cause debt. No one wants to prepare or eat food in a dirty kitchen, so rather than spend the energy to clean up first and then cook, we tend to just throw up our hands and go out to eat.

This same cycle works the other way, though, too -- unlike a country music song. You know what happens if you play country music backwards, right? You get your wife back, you get your dog back, you get your job back...

Anyways -- back to the kitchen cycle. If I am devoting considerable time to motherhood, then I can be more focused in on how to R.A.I.S.E. kids -- and remember, the "E" is for eating, exercise, and energy! I will purposely spend time in the kitchen working on nutritional meals, which saves me money, so I don't worry about not making money. It's like I'm employing myself and paying myself with savings -- plus, there are myriad benefits that may not seem directly related to finances, but can impact them.

Eating homemade meals is less expensive -- we've established that -- plus it's healthier, which could turn into savings on the medical side of things. Making meals for my family can be quite satisfactory, if I have enough time to devote to it. Teaching my children how to eat -- and eat well -- is best done over the repetition of hundreds of meals together.

This also gives us bonding time and memories. I've mentioned before that I grew up with a mom who couldn't focus on maternal duties because, in the absence of a husband, she had to go make money. I have so few memories about eating together -- it was mostly a fend-for-yourself attitude in the kitchen. And two of my siblings ended up with alcoholism and two others with weight issues (which is a major concern for a lot of Americans right now -- two-thirds of adults, actually!) Could those trials and difficulties be decreased if not eliminated by having a mom spend time in the kitchen?

Well, they say there's no such thing as a crystal ball to see the future. However, there are text books to help us see the past. Acknowledging that society is going downhill is easy to do -- and if we can see what has changed that might be contributing factors to the negative impacts on society in general, I would point out the slow disappearance of the mommy.

I suppose I'm waxing a little philosophical there! I pledge as a mommy to spend more time in the kitchen, and to spread the love as I spread the peanut butter.

Yet Another Kitchen Principle

Today's kitchen principle is closely related to the first one, eat what you store and store what you eat. Today's principle broadens that concept to include fresh produce. It is:

Use up what needs to be used up!

So, let's say it's that lovely time of day when I'm deciding what to make for dinner. Before I discovered the value of a principle-based kitchen, I would randomly choose a vegetable, like frozen peas, just 'cuz it sounds good and easy. Then, a week or two later, I would be throwing away nasty produce from the fridge drawer that I had purchased because I knew I should but now it was wasted.

Nowadays, though, based on my "Use up what needs to be used up" principle, when it comes to that magical moment of decision-making, I remind myself to open the fridge and find the veggies that my conscience led me to buying. And now I rarely have to waste fresh produce -- but if I do, at least I have a compost pile so it doesn't feel half as bad.

This also applies to expiration dates on canned items. I try to have a system to help me (I'm great at making up systems -- it's the USING of the systems that I humbly confess my inaptitude). Since I don't always follow my own system, I still end up rummaging through the pantry to check dates, but I feel like it's worth my time to avoid wasting things.

Leftovers are another "use-it-up" item. I'm pretty good at mentally keeping track of when we had which meal and when those leftovers need to be used up. We generally have a leftovers-based meal once or twice a week. My sister-in-law taught me to call it "Feast Night" because the kids get to choose from a wide variety of offerings. I am blessed with a wonderful husband who has a great attitude about taking leftovers for lunch.

Kitchen Principles Continued

Yesterday, I introduced the idea of having a principle-based kitchen. Oh, I know, sounds a little cheesy... and since cheese is one of our regular proteins, yes, our kitchen is, in fact, cheesy, because we store what we eat and eat what we store (the first kitchen principle).

Today's kitchen principle is going to be a hard-sell... I know because I have a hard time selling myself on it! It is one thing to embrace a concept and accept it as wise, while it is a whole 'nother thing to actually live by it.

"Involve the children as much as possible in the planning, preparing, and clean-up."

I determined to make this a principle in my home, because I personally didn't know a durn thing about running a kitchen and have had to learn by trial and LOTS of errors. Now, I don't blame my mom for not teaching me -- I blame the circumstances. She wasn't able to focus her efforts on much more than making enough money to pay the rent! These days, more children are born into single-mom households than are born to married moms, let alone full-time moms, so I'm confident these circumstances that left me so ignorant and naive are getting perpetuated across our nation. Fear not, fellow clueless mamas! If I could figure it out, so can you! And you might figure out better things than me, in which case, I do hope you'll share! And in an effort *not* to perpetuate the ignorance through another generation, I have developed the principle stated above.

My oldest child is 12 and my youngest is almost 20 months, as I type this. Obviously, there are wide and varied degrees of helpfulness! The oldest can prepare an entire meal with minimal help required. He and I really enjoy working together in the kitchen, so sometimes he ends up with more help than he really needs! I love that we've developed this fun element of our relationship!

My youngest can hold a spatula and sing into it like a microphone! She also gives her opinions on what we should make for lunch.

And all the children have specific daily chores to complete to help the kitchen run smoothly and a little cleaner than it would be otherwise. Hopefully they're learning something as they slave away, and they won't feel like the dunce I saw in my own kitchen mirror when I first moved away from home!

Kitchen Principles

When I was in second grade, we had a pair of tricky spelling words: Principal and principle.

My teacher was so smart -- she came up with a great way to remember that the Principal who was in charge of the school was our Pal, just like the last three letters of the word.

I don't really recall her ever explaining the meaning of the other word that sounded the same but ended differently. But it must not be a pal, right, or it would reflect its friendliness in its spelling!

Oh, how wrong I was!!! These days, I feel like principles are indeed my good buddies! In a world full of almost too many choices and options, principles help me differentiate, determine, decide, declare, and dedicate myself to a simpler, purer ways of living. Principles help me avoid chaos, organize action, and satisfy specific needs. POWER, right there, dude, in those oh-so-friendly principles!!!

This applies to all sorts of areas of life, but today's discussion will apply to life in the Kitchen. This is where I spend approximately 83.2 percent of my time. The rest of the time I am in the car or asleep. Oh, except for the .003 percent that I get to be in my mom-cave blogging!!!

Since I spend such a large portion of my time in the kitchen, I decided awhile ago to organize my kitchen according to principles -- but first I had to figure out what those are!

The first one to make the list has to do with shopping smart and having a pantry I can shop from and avoid waste by rotating wisely:

STORE WHAT YOU EAT and EAT WHAT YOU STORE.

Nice, huh? I didn't make it up. I heard it at a food storage class and I grasped onto it and let it guide me through lots of tough choices. Like, should I buy tons of those pre-packed, dehydrated meals "just in case?" Well, since we don't eat them regularly, it doesn't fit in my principle. I have found a few items that we like and use regularly (powdered milk for baking; freeze-dried yogurt bits - yummy snack!) so we do have some of those infamous #10 cans. But we rotate them -- mostly -- not waiting for their expiration dates to come around...

When there are case-lot sales (do those happen outside of Utah?) I used to buy various canned veggies. But I noticed as the year or two went by that we didn't use them very often. I attempted to fit them into our diets a little more -- using them in soups and what-not -- but overall, I decided not to stock up so heavily next time on those, because we just ended up donating them to the food bank as their expiration dates drew near. Not that donating to the food bank is an unworthy cause! However, I have to balance it with my own food bank!

Some items don't have a very long shelf-life at all, so I also determined that I needed to store the ingredients for items like granola bars and graham crackers and tortilla chips so that if I ever can't get buy them items themselves, at least I can make substitutes.

Curious to know what the next Kitchen Principle might be? Join me tomorrow!