Who is the Coach?

Note: Our family has been discussing what it means to be a family team. These two different links will lead you to other posts where we address this topic, covering other elements of Team-ship (Team-hood? Team-ness?) in greater detail.

Initially, the question of "Who is the Coach of the Family Team?" seems to have an obvious answer: Mom and Dad!

Thinking about the role of Coach more specifically, though, particularly in context of Life being the playing field, we decided that Heavenly Father better fits that description.

For one thing, Mom and Dad are out on the playing field of Life right along with our kiddos. We're figuring out the Game as we go, too. We might have been on the field a little longer than the children, kind of like being Seniors in High School versus the Pee-Wee Football Team or Little-Leaguers.

Heavenly Father, on the other hand, is so knowledgeable about the Game -- being that He is omniscient, and all! He has studied the opposition and knows their tactics. Remember: in the case of the Family Team, we don't compete against other families, but rather against those forces that are trying to break down our family.

These forces come in all shapes and sizes: scary things like immorality and addictions; ugly things like vulgarity and violence; things that disguise themselves as good, like over-scheduling or over-indulgence; sneaky things like selfishness and pride.

Heavenly Father asks a lot of us, just like any good coach would. He requires us to build our muscles individually, in preparation, long before we compete in games. He wants us to workout on our own as well as show up to practice day in and day out, and scrimmage a bit. He knows what our individual challenges are and sets up situations to help us develop the skills we need to overcome those weaknesses. He has developed the Ultimate PlayBook, aka the Scriptures!

So, what other positions do we need to define?

Team Captain: Jesus Christ! He came to play on the field, too. He sets the example. He'll call the shots (if we let him). He takes the heat for us if we fail. And he encourages us to get up and try again.

Cheerleaders: Mothers! Okay, that might be a little gender-typing going on there... but for real, I LOVE cheering my kids on!

Waterboy: Dad! Ha, just kidding... although, in our family, he does a good job of making sure we have the Living Water in our lives.

Referee or Umpire? Hmmmm... I think this would be the oldest child, at least in our family. He has already discovered the right way to do everything, so he makes sure everyone else lives up to that!

Other position titles are sport specific, like quarterback, pitcher, goalie, scrum half (that's a rugby term!), attacker (lacrosse!), or chaser (quidditch).

I'm sure each of us can think of ways our individual children fit into these various roles... and interestingly, we can mix sports metaphors on our family teams, because of the way WINNING is defined differently!

Cuppa Reese's

As a Mormon, I don't drink coffee. Nope, no cuppa Joe for me...

And that's okay!  ...because if I were dependent on THAT cuppa, I may never have invented THIS cuppa:

I call it: Cuppa Reese's!

It doesn't actually have any Reese's in it, so maybe I'm breaking some kind of trademark laws or something. But it does have chocolate and peanut butter in it, so really I am honoring the genius of the Reese's people by naming this concoction after their incredible delectable combination of ingredients.

Two things separate my recipe from the Reese's product:
It's drinkable!
It's good for me!

So, guess what we start with? If you're familiar with how I do my smoothies, you'll guess the first couple of ingredients:

Handful of spinach (so we're strong to the finish!) -- stuffed down into the bottom of the blender

1/4 to 1/3 C. Almond milk (or other -- coconut would be yummy!)

Frozen Banana Chunks ( like about 1 and 1/2 banana's-worth)

1/4 cup of cocoa powder (I'm also willing to go halfsies on this with carob)

1/3-1/2 cup of peanut butter

1 tsp vanilla extract

A tablespoon or two of Udo's (though the peanut butter has enough oil in it to provide the creaminess -- this is just to sneak in some Omegas -- so if you don't have any, no worries)

Blend 'er up!

Fit for a princess!

How does a family team WIN?

Note: Yesterday, I started typin' up what our family talked about when we introduced the concept of how our family is like a team... Of course, I don't like to make you stay and read my blog post all day long, so to keep it short, I just broke it up into segments. Here it continues:

Generally speaking, teams have a GROUP goal: WINNING! What does this mean as a family? After all, it's not like we're really competing against other families, right? We're simply striving to be STRONG, so it's like we want victory based on how well we fight against behaviors that would weaken our family ties...

During our Family Discussion about our Family Team, we decided WINNING means to LOVE GOD and LOVE ONE ANOTHER, no matter what, and to make sure each family member feels that love based on how we interact with each other. (Sound familiar?)

We acknowledged that this plan for victory requires a LOT of PRACTICE -- like, DAILY -- kind of like sports teams! So, this indicates that we need to spend time with our family on a daily basis -- not just living in the same house watching the same TV, but actually interacting!

Conversing!
Playing!
... and praying and laughing and crying and hugging and high-fiving and working and hobby-ing together...

Mealtime!
Attending church together!
Supporting one another in various endeavors!

Maybe even having Family Home Evening, which Mormons may have started, but it's not like they charge a fee for people of other faiths wanting to do it!

We also determined that some areas of behavior are like games of varying importance. Yeah, yeah, we want to win them all, but sometimes even the best coaches choose to let a team play less-than-their best so they can use their energy more wisely in higher-stakes games.

Can we stand to "lose" a little in "games" (or scrimmages) like tidiness?

Yes... but when it comes to things like loyalty, selflessness, and forgiveness -- these are like the Play-offs! The World Series! The Super Bowl! -- so we need to be playing with all our energy, effort, and fortitude.

(Wow! Fortitude! That word just flowed out of my fingers while I was typing!!! What is fortitude? Well, it sounds like an awesome 'tude! I often ask my kids to change their 'tudes, and from now on, I'm going to encourage them to change it to Fortitude!!!)

Individual members of the team have their own goals, based on what position they play. So the quarterback is not going to have the same goals as the cheerleaders! These ideas will be discussed, or at least the beginnings of the possible, awesomely-interesting discussion, in tomorrow's post!!!

Family TEAM!

Every Monday night, we hold a family meeting. We're committed to it! Monday nights are considered so special, we don't sign up for sports or turn on the TV or allow any other distractions to fragment our Family Home Evening (the title our Church gives to it).

We had a great discussion the other night about our family being a team. I led the discussion, and everyone contributed some amazing insights. I think the way the discussion unfolded was, in itself, a team effort!

First, I had everyone close their eyes and visualize a team -- whatever came to their mind first. Then everyone reported, and we took notes about their comments.

My oldest child pictured the Broncos, his favorite football team. Specifically, he had in mind their logo and the Peyton Manning jersey that his Grami Tami (my mom) gave to him for his birthday. So, for our notes, we wrote down there are individual team members, like Peyton Manning. We also wrote down that teams are often identifiable by certain artwork and outward appearances.

Next, my husband brought up the Red Sox and how they just won the World Series because of their beards! (Okay, I suppose the cause and effect *might* be questionable). We made a note about team solidarity, and keeping on attempting to win no matter how many losses precede the final victory! We pointed out that some games seem to have greater importance than others...

The twins had in mind (yes, they had the same thing in mind -- they are, after all, identical) our favorite university, BYU, and its rival, U of U. Upon further questioning, though, it turns out one of them was thinking of basketball while the other was picturing football. So we wrote down the fact that there are different sports, and that there are competitions -- but not JUST competitions: the teams practice a lot!

My four year old heard the word team and said, "Winning!" We discussed that there are parties upon winning!

My second oldest, Truman, pictured a team of people playing Dungeons and Dragons. This brought up the fact that not all teams are sports teams, and this served as a nice segue into our Family Team discussion.

So, keeping in mind all of the observations about teams we discussed already, how can we apply these to the concept of a Family Team?

Come surfin' tomorrow to the Clueless Mama Blog for all the exciting details! (This post was getting too long...) Same Bat-time, same Bat-website...

Bank of Dad

My brother-in-law, Kevin, coined this term: "Bank of Dad."

I heard his family using this phrase, and so I decided to get nosey -- and I'm glad I did! I questioned him about all of the gritty details -- and I've learned a lot -- not just from his generous descriptions, but then from my attempts at implementation for my own family.

So, are you interested? Wanna get started on your own financial journey with the amazing Bank of Dad?

Read my experiences, then start your own -- and remember, YOU are in charge! If the rules I've created aren't going to fit your family's dynamics, please feel empowered to tweak! (Yes, that was TWEAK, not Twerk!)

BANK of DAD

Each child over a certain age has an account. A five-subject notebook where all transactions are recorded quite simply, with a column for the date, a column for the transaction, a column for the the specific amount, and a column with the running total. Mom and Dad can have accounts too, but in our family, it's a kid thing. Plus, there isn't a notebook sold with enough subjects for all of us!

The child *earns* deposits into the account... NO hand-outs! My brother Richard calls it "commission" rather than allowance (he might have gotten that from Dave Ramsey -- he's a big fan!) We keep track of four ways the children can earn money each day (remember the CLAP system?!). After five days, they have up to 20 points (they get weekends off). Based on their age, each point is worth a certain amount and they get paid for the amount of work that they actually accomplished! Our "formula" is three cents per year of age per point.

The child is encouraged to give part of their deposit to a charity (we call it tithing and give it to our church), as well as another portion which they give to their older selves (aka savings). We follow the 10-20-70 % rule -- they give ten percent as tithing, twenty percent as savings, and then have 70% to spend or save as they see fit.

When the child wants to buy something, he or she has to see if they have enough money in their Bank of Dad account. THIS IS SO NICE as the Mom... I don't have to decide whether or not to buy things for them! If they have enough money, they decide (and sometimes they decide NO). If they don't have enough money, then that lack of money is the deciding factor. Mom is no longer the bad guy who says no all the time! In fact, I can show love and sympathy when they don't have enough money! Heck, I've been there before.

Simple enough, right?

Well, there are ways to make it more complex... if that's what you're looking for. Like, you can pay interest on their long-term savings. Or, you can put them in charge of buying a whole lot more stuff than just the petty bubblegum at the grocery store types of things. Or you can offer to make extra deposits into their long-term savings for when they reach a certain goal (like Eagle Scout or straight "A"s). Remember that book I reviewed, The Entitlement Trap -- it has several great ideas for this Family Economy.

Generally speaking, though, it really is a simple system. I love it! I love my kids. I love their Dad... and not just because he makes a good Bank!

Lime Smoothie

I never knew I liked lime before being introduced to Raw Melissa's yummy Lime Mousse. Upon tasting this delectable dessert, I discovered that I am actually a bit of a lime addict. If my name were Richard, I'd have to go by Lime Ricky.

I love Lime Mousse so much, I decided to create a version of it that is just as tasty, drinkable, AND breakfast-worthy!

Yummarific!

I think I'll call it: Lime Regan.

Here goes!

NOTE: This is written up in the Clueless-Mama-Smoothie-style of non-specific measurements... first, I give my apologies to those of you who aren't comfortable cooking this way; second, to those same people, I give a dose of empowerment to experiment and love your creations!

Stuff a big handful of spinach into the bottom of the blender.

Add several chunks of frozen bananas (1-2 bananas-worth). (Buy those brown-spotty bananas on sale; peel and chunk them into freezer-zipper bags and they'll wait patiently in your freezer for these opportunities to grace your smoothies with their goodness!) If you don't happen to have any frozen ones, a fresh one will do, but your final product won't be very cold. Meh.

After removing the peel and the pit, put an avocado in. (Yes, an avocado!)

If you have 3-5 fresh limes, squeeze as much juice as you can out of them, allowing as much pulp as you like to fall in as well.

No fresh limes? Use about 1/2 a cup of ReaLime Juice (more or less, to taste -- I like mine tangy!)

2-3 Tablespoons of Honey

1/3-1/2 cup of almond milk (or other milk)

a 1/4 teaspoon of salt helps the lime flavor come out!

Finally, if you are looking for ways to sneak Flaxseed Oil into your diet, this is a perfect time to throw in a dollop. If you don't have it, don't stress -- the avocado provides a lovely texture without additional oil. (Did you know that oil serves that purpose??? Yup, oil is an emulsifier and makes things like Frosty's thick and smooth)

And there you go!  Blend it up and enjoy! Miriam did!

Green Eggnog

I. Love. Egg. Nog.

An illustration from when I was much younger:

A certain young man was trying to capture my heart. He knew of my love for eggnog and wanted me to re-aim that love towards him. He knew how I cried at the end of the holiday season -- only because that meant there would be no eggnog for another year.

He came over one day in June, bearing eggnog. In all my selfishness, I drank it down in front of him, making yumminess noises the whole time -- then I reiterated to him that we were still just friends.

We were both heartbroken -- me, because I was losing my off-season source of eggnog.

Anyways! Slight change of subject:

I am choosing to greatly decrease my intake of animal products. My name, Regan, is just one letter short of Vegan. That one letter, and the fact that it's pronounced differently, allows me to sneak a slice of cheese pizza every now and then. And drink eggnog when the stores make it available to me.

However, I have now created my own Vegan Eggnog recipe, so I am one step closer to being a purist... but don't worry, cheese pizza has a very strong hold on my appetite, so I won't go extreme too soon.

I actually like my Green Eggnog better than the old-fashioned stuff! It's not just egg-free, it's guilt-free, because the ingredients are so healthy. And my recipe is available all year round, although the Green-ness is a nice Holiday touch.

I know you are anxious to whip up your own, so carefully follow the instructions below. You know how important it is from my previous smoothie recipes to be exact!

Stuff spinach into the bottom of a blender. Pour in some almond milk. Add a few chunks of frozen banana. Dollop in some vanilla flavoring and little honey -- not too much, though. In fact, I've left out the honey sometimes and am still happy with the final product. Be generous when sprinkling in the nutmeg -- it takes more than you think to make it taste authentic! Use a little oil -- like Udos -- to make it emulsify nicely. Blend! Drink! Break some eggnog-maker's heart!!!

All I Want For Christmas!

I am afraid this post will sound bah-hum-bug-ish, so I ask for your mercy in advance... 

Now that Halloween is over, it is officially the Holiday Season. My husband has permission to play Christmas music now, and as soon as he gets a whim, he'll put up the decorations! 

I love being married to him, for so many reasons... and this child-like fascination with the festivities of winter is definitely among them! It's a sweet blessing to watch his whole-hearted devotion to all-things-Christmas!

Unfortunately, I don't bless him back with the same attitude. I suppose it's the dregs of a childhood in the home of a single mom where anything money-related was too stressful to enjoy.

Now that I'm the mom, and soooo thankful not to be single, you'd think I could leave all that in the past and focus on the fun, the magic, the Reason for the Season.

I try! I hope I get at least an E for Effort! But, alas, I am yet lacking. 

Part of the problem, I confess, is that we end up with too much stuff -- and I really don't like clutter... Especially paying money to get more clutter! 

It's my own fault! I want to make our children's dreams come true! So I buy them the plastic toys and anxiously await that the momentary glitter in their eyes when they tear open the wrapping paper!  Then they give Santa all the credit... I'm not bitter, though!

Ahem, okay, so it is becoming clear to me that I am using my blog as a form of therapy... I hope you don't need therapy after reading this!!

So, my point is that this year I am choosing to give memories rather than stuff! I am writing this post from a mansion on Bear Lake, where my daughters and I are attending a retreat!

It was slightly more expensive than what we normally budget for Christmas gifts, but at least I won't ever have to pick it up off the floor or give it to goodwill or throw it away because it got broken!

Oh, and Santa won't get the credit for this, either!!

Tweaking (not twerking)

Lately, I've been Tweaking. Not Twerking, Tweaking.

I haven't bothered to find out what Twerking really is...

I've gathered from the random facebook comments that it's, well, uncomfortable -- at least for those observing it, and quite possibly for the Twerker herself.

I suppose that this may be all that Twerking has in common with Tweaking.

I'm a proponent of Tweaking, even if it causes a little discomfort. Knowing that Tweaking is possible helps me carry on in the face of what seems impossible:

Setting up a system.

Every family needs systems!

We need systems that help our household run smoothly;

• systems that preserve our sanity; 
• systems that prevent arguments over ambiguity;
• systems that provide structure so that in the midst of the storms of life, we're still afloat!

However, because setting up the system can seem so daunting, it often doesn't happen... and we simply survive rather than thrive.

I think one of the obstacles to setting up a system is worrying that it won't take... that the rest of the family team won't follow the system. That's where tweaking comes in handy.

A successful system needs tweaking! Once the initial scaffolding has been erected, it is helpful to step back and observe and acknowledge weaknesses, and then TWEAK!

This can help the family agree to the initial structure attempt, if they know you're willing to tweak.

Not twerk, tweak.

Once a structure has been in place a long time, tweaking might be a little uncomfortable -- but when it's necessary, do it anyway!

Just Kidding!

Little Miriam's personality is really coming out. And I'm lovin' it!

Today, she repeatedly did the following:

"Waaa-waaaa" (real, true, crying-sobbing tantrum)

Then, suddenly:

Bright eyes, sweet smile, and she joyfully says: "Just Kidding!"

It made me laugh with delight! Woo-hoo!

She found her switch! And she's using it. I am determined to follow her example next time I'm wailing and whining and complaining... which is more often than I care to admit.

(She just performed this again WHILE I was typing this! I probably shouldn't test her limits...)

Post Script: Another awesome characteristic that is coming out in this sweet girl is peacemaking. The other day, I told her she was funny. She said, "No, you're funny!"

I countered with "No, you're  funny!" And she followed it up with, "No, you're funny!"

I chose to continue the argument, and told her once again, "No, you're funny."

And this wise child put both hands on my cheeks and said, "Mom, how 'bout we BOTH be funny!"

Okay, Miriam.

What's a Tantrum to God?

My four year old is, well, let's say, precocious.

He comes up with some big plans sometimes, and sometimes I let him carry them out.

Sometimes, though, I can't.

The other day, early in the morning, Reed came to me with some of his big plans:

"Mom, Mom, Mom -- I just decided to have a picnic! Yeah! This will be awesome!"

"Oh, a picnic lunch! That does sound fun."

"No, Mom, not a picnic lunch... a picnic RIGHT NOW! Call Naomi and Abbie and Ellie and....."

"Reed, it's not even 8am. We can't call your friends because they are probably still asleep. Plus, we have to get ready for Joyschool!"

I further emphasize Joyschool in an attempt to distract him away from the fact that I'm raining on his parade, er, his picnic. It is an epic fail.

"Mom, I don't wanna go to Joyschool. I wanna have a PICNIC. In the FRONT yard. Right NOW."

I feel like he has added the detail about location to see just how far he can push. We don't play in the front yard without an adult... Stay calm, Mama...

"Reed, if you want a picnic right now, you may go eat your breakfast in the backyard. Hurry, so we can get it cleaned up and get your Great Eight done in time for Joyschool!"

His response to this: sobbing, screaming, throwing things, TANTRUM. I no longer want to use the word "precocious" to describe him... I want a stronger, less complimentary word. But I will choose to just weather the storm, and love him into calming down.

I think God must feel the same way with us sometimes! We come to him with our big plans. And because he can see the whole picture, he just might shoot us down. Ouch! And we just might yell back at Him that we WANT IT RIGHT NOW, just the way we are visualizing it.

He might be trying all the same tactics, explanations, diversions, gentle reminders of rules...

And we sob, scream, throw things...

And finally, we calm down as we sense that his foresight and his firmness are love, and we choose to trust that he knows best, rather than keep ramming ourselves up against him.

Thank goodness for his patience, his compassion, his example. May I seek his help as I attempt to give my children a similar love -- a love that allows for tantrums, and then welcomes back the whiner when he's ready to re-focus.

Cherishing the Doing

Cherish the doing a little more, 

and the getting it done a little less! 

~ Anna Quindlen

I love this quote.

Too often, I'm trying so hard to get a bunch of stuff crossed off the to-do list, thinking that once those check-marks are there, I'll be able to do the fun stuff.

Really, though, the list just keeps growing... and that can be a suffocating feeling.

I joke about that with my kiddos, because the laundry is never really done -- unless we take a day to run around naked! Come to think of it, that does sound fun!

So there's one way to make the doing a little more fun... rather than waiting until the "done" to celebrate.

Okay, so nudity might be slightly inappropriate -- but ya gotta admit, there's nothin' like a dancin' two-year-old's flubby blubber! On the other hand, I don't really want anyone to see my flubby  blubber.

But I can still dance!

That might be one way to cherish the doing a little more -- making the doing a little more fun. Turn up the music!

Let myself eat a little chocolate during the doing, not just as a reward afterwards! (Maybe I'll burn the calories off before they have a chance to settle...)

Take time to teach the little ones how to do the doing... they want to know, really they do! And that counts as quality time, during the doing!

What else can I do to cherish the doing a little more???