Complainin' Kids

Whining.

What can I say?

I love the whiners who do it, but I seriously hate the whining.

Unfortunately, I whine. I hear myself and think, "No wonder my kids are whiners!" How can I expect them to live up to the "No Whining" standard that I don't even achieve?

I was a placid child who never whined (according to my mother). Really, though, I remember a certain thought process when I was maybe ten years old. My younger sister was whining, and I listened carefully and thought... "Hmmmm, maybe I should learn how to talk like that, and then I'll get more of what I want more often!"

I whine at my kids. "Why don't you put the trash in the trash can?" When I find bandaid wrappers or candy foils or various other little trashy items on the floor.

"Why don't you put your shoes where they belong?" After I've tripped on them.

"Stay out of my mom-cave!" When I can't find a pair of scissors.

Well, I'm workin' on it. I recognize it to be a horrible method of communication that doesn't actually accomplish the goal of changing behavior. I'm diligently striving to quit complaining and whining and replace it with something else...

For myself, when I feel like whining, I turn on my robot voice. 

For my kids, when they whine at me, I've decided to meet complaints with compliments and encouragement.

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"But Ma-ahmmm," because the word Mom becomes two syllables in Whine Language. "But Ma-ahhmmm, I don't wanna clean up my room."

In response, I use a sing-songy, smiley voice: "Oh, Esther, you are the room-cleaning champion. You've cleaned it so thoroughly in the past. I know you can do it again! Here, I'll help you for a few minutes, and we can turn on the timer and turn it into a race!"

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"But Ma-ahmmm, you never let me have friends over/watch TV/go swimming/eat cheetos/paint my toenails...."

"Oh, Karina, you are so blessed to have some structure in your life. You get to earn those privileges, and you have done such a good job earning them before. Let's get your piano practice done -- which you're excellent at -- so you can invite a friend over!"

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I will tell you honestly that it doesn't always change their disposition. I sometimes still have to point out the out-of-tune-violin-tone to their voice, and ask them politely to re-phrase their whiney request using a different voice. That can be fun! I have a bag of "voices" they can choose from:

Newsbroadcaster
Cheerleader (with actions)
Underwater
Elmer Fudd
Football Team/Pro-wrestler
Baby
Opera Singer
British or Southern Accent
Frog Croak
Dying Breath
Yodeling
Robot

Just tryin' to change the tone... it's a constant battle, but I want to use the right weapons -- ones that won't kill the relationship, just the whining.