How to Train Your Elephant

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

I try to teach my children the power of doing nothing. Simply not reacting when their siblings are trying to push their buttons.

Unfortunately, most of the time it seems they only ignore ME.

I learned this trick at a zoo. Ha! A zoo?! Yup. It makes sense, though, really, that at the zoo, I would be alert to discovering how to make my own zoo run more efficiently, right? Only difference is, they're working with animals, and I'm working with children. And heck, if you believe in evolution, there is no difference! (For the record, I accept fossil-evidenced micro-evolution, and encompassing that, I worship God as an all-wise, loving Creator and Father).

Anyways, the zookeeper was showing us how the elephant would obey certain commands. At least, most of the time. Elephants, believe it or not, can be stubborn!

She said, "We just ignore it when the elephant doesn't cooperate. We don't punish. Just ignore. Then we repeat the command, in exactly the same tone. When the elephant does cooperate, we praise and reward."

Now, I don't want to over-simplify -- that can be faulty in and of itself -- so I won't go so far as to never punish my kiddos. However, I REALLY like the concept of ignoring.

There is power in simply acting as though the child didn't just scream NO at the top of his lungs at you. By my choosing not to react, it takes the power out of his tantrum. Does that mean he'll stop right away? Not likely. However, I do think the overall encounter will end far better -- and possibly sooner -- if I don't get sucked into the violent vortex of high emotion.

I will stay calm. I will keep my voice quiet. I will act as though the child has not responded and simply repeat my request. When the child chooses to cooperate, I will praise and reward (high fives are great -- link to that blog post) and sincerely thank them.

I don't think the elephant ever gets thanked. I added that part. Maybe I'm not so clueless after all!