Praise in Public, Punish in Private

I wanted to walk home from church today with my oldest son, so I spotted him in the church hallway and went to grab him. As I approached, I overheard the man who leads his youth group telling another boy of similar age, that he needed to follow my son's example. What a proud moment for a mommy!

As we walked home, I asked how that made him feel -- was he embarrassed to be singled out? He said, "Well, not in this case, since he was saying something good about me!"

That made me think of the counsel an experienced mother passed along to me once, several years ago.

Praise in Public, Punish in Private.

Being a Clueless Mama, I have always felt starved for such nuggets of wisdom. It's easier to memorize them than it is to live by them (kind of like how it's easier to chew Chicken Nuggets than it is to digest them!)

So this gave me a specific situation where my child could express to me how this is true for him...

I think there are a few reasons it is hard for me to live this principle (though I always keep practicing!)

For one, I don't always think of praise to give when we're in public. So, note to self: put conscious effort into complimenting my kiddos in front of their friends, even if there's not a specific circumstance that warrants it at that moment -- just share something positive in general!

Secondly, waiting until we are in private before pointing out the need to change behavior can sometimes seem anticlimactic. But maybe that's the point... It gives me a chance to cool down and not be talking out of temper, and removes the child's defensiveness to some degree, at least, simply because of the time lapse.

Of course, I reserve the right to judge situations individually, but I think that generally speaking this is great advice. I must say, following it keeps me honest in terms of the golden rule: I know I personally prefer being publicly praised and privately punished! So please keep that in mind if you're going to comment... :)